“Dont live beyond your means”- what if that’s not possible

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amother

↑ Acacia ↓

Sun, Sep 29 2024, 12:36 am

amother Topaz wrote:

When people suggest a payment plan, they’re not assuming you’ll magically have more money next month. Instead, a payment plan spreads the cost of a purchase over several months, making each payment smaller and easier to manage. Think of it like eating a big meal. If you try to eat it all at once, it can be overwhelming, but if you take small bites, it’s much more manageable.

So, even if your income stays the same, breaking a large expense into smaller, more manageable payments can make it easier to fit into your monthly budget without causing as much financial strain.

Um, I know what a payment plan means. Wow, how patronizing!

When you don't have money, you don't have money. It doesn't help to stretch it out over a few months, or even a few years, if you don't have any extra money to pay. Just be thankful you don't understand the concept.

amother

↑ Saddlebrown ↓

Sun, Sep 29 2024, 12:39 am

amother OP wrote:

How do you survive with unbalanced meals? (I have diabetes I need a lot of protein)

Would you tell me not to have a car because I couldn’t pay the repair?

I have GD. I've been eating a lot of eggs and peanut butter. It's not great, I'll be the first to tell you that.

For car repairs we found a much cheaper mechanic. And if we have a car repair that might mean no fresh fruit or vegetables that week.

But when you don't have money, you don't have money. And raising your rock bottom (by not using credit cards) means you can't fall down as deep.

(ETA: To clarify, we are not doing this by choice. Our credit cards are maxed out. But once we had no choice, I found out by default that it is possible to live like this. And I wish we had done so earlier.)

amother

Cantaloupe

Sun, Sep 29 2024, 12:47 am

Chickpeas are great too for protein, we get them canned and prep them ourselves. Also lots of milk and eggs. And you shouldn’t be buying your kids clothing! You can get hand me downs from someone or go to a second hand store unless they’re teens.

amother

↑ Saddlebrown ↓

Sun, Sep 29 2024, 12:49 am

amother Cantaloupe wrote:

Unfortunately chickpeas and milk are also high in carbs.

amother

↑ Tanzanite

Sun, Sep 29 2024, 12:50 am

amother Acacia wrote:

This is exactly the kind of attitude I was talking about. If you spreads the payments out more slowly, even if you still end up putting it all on the same credit card, the balance goes up on the credit card more slowly and it saves you months of the bulk of the interest charges for that payment. Money is money and it adds up.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Sep 29 2024, 12:52 am

amother Cantaloupe wrote:

I do lots of chickpeas. And milk is not cheap.
And thank you for judging my buying clothes- yes my kids are teens. (So now you won’t judge me? )

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Sep 29 2024, 12:53 am

amother Tanzanite wrote:

Your attitude is really off putting. May you never understand

amother

Darkblue

Sun, Sep 29 2024, 12:55 am

amother OP wrote:

Yes actually we just did. And Hashem sends small gifts along the way that help us move forward. There is no other way to understand it other than Hashem helps even though it doesn’t look the way I want.

In the same boat. It is so hard but we see Hashem’s Bracha clearly, carrying us along the way.

My we all be bentched with a year of abundance b’ggashmiyus uv’ruchniyus!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Sep 29 2024, 1:05 am

amother Darkblue wrote:

In the same boat. It is so hard but we see Hashem’s Bracha clearly, carrying us along the way.

My we all be bentched with a year of abundance b’ggashmiyus uv’ruchniyus!

IYH I will daven for you over Rosh hashana. I feel so understood from your post

amother

Leaf ↓

Sun, Sep 29 2024, 2:20 am

Also in the same boat.
Got my kids clothes from a local Gemach.
Stood in line at a local pantry giving out food for YT.
The loan we took is almost maxed.

Every day I ask “ meayin yavo ezri “

amother

Rose ↓

Sun, Sep 29 2024, 3:26 am

I just don't buy.
I look for cheapest alternatives. Hand me downs. Gemachs. Dollar tree type stores when possible.
I shop around, use coupons.
Maximize WIC benefits.
Eat dry beans and rice. If you have gestational diabetes or diabetes look into foods that are "ok"- I had GD and could eat beans but in smaller amounts and mixed with cheese. Randomly certain combinations made my numbers fine.

We don't qualify for SNAP. We get TS.

I am trying to consider looking into cheaper cities.
Look into what are fixed costs and how they can be reduced...

amother

Burgundy

Sun, Sep 29 2024, 5:11 am

amother Cantaloupe wrote:

Where I live there are outlet stores that are cheaper then the second hand stores
In many places second hand stores for clothes are not cheaper then new

amother

Springgreen ↓

Sun, Sep 29 2024, 5:31 am

amother Honeydew wrote:

It means, think about your future before you make decision that will affect your finances long term. Don’t take on mortgage you can afford NOW but you won’t be able to afford once your family is older and/or bigger. Don’t lease the car you can afford NOW but then need to put the bar mitzvah on a credit card in 5 years instead of thinking ahead and putting those car lease payments into your savings. Don’t move to a city unless you will be able to afford all its associated costs including tuition long term, even if that’s where your family and friends live. Don’t stay in kollel till you’re absolutely pushed out financially and by then it’s too late and you’re drowning and can never catch up. Don’t get your kids used to new matching clothes in the trendiest styles with no hand me downs every 6 months just because you can afford that NOW, without thinking about how you’ll afford the designer things they’ll want when they’re teens.

THIS THIS THIS

We are young and in kollel in Israel, but constantly having this discussion. We both grew up in families like the ops - middle class poor, and we do not want to live in that kind of stress if we can help it.
We only have one kid ( never had support) and own our home, and bh we have some margin.

Part of financial responsibility is saving an emergency expenses fund and a 6 month income fun, so that when the inevitable hits you have where to pull the money from.

Lots of people in our financial bracket are doing things that we can also afford now, but we know that it means that as our family grows we wont be able to afford, and that saving and investing now, will relieves the stress when we have a larger family and expenses down the line.

Some of the things that people think we are crazy for doing, but allow us to put a decent amount of money into a high yields savings account every month that we are using to save for a down payment on an investment property eventually.
- no processed foods, I make everything from scratch based on sales
- eating out - its not part of our lifestyle. once a month we will do ice cream or a coffee date
- vacations - we do use cc points to visit the states once a year, but we always rent our apartment out to cover additional expenses.
- clothing is either ali/temu or end of season sales. I usually get one or two new pieces per season.
- car while a car would make our life so much easier, the payments on financing, insurance, and fuel would cut away most of the margin we have for saving.
And while there is public transportation where we live, we are in a more out of it area, and most of our peers here do have cars.

thegiver

Sun, Sep 29 2024, 6:26 am

For us it means: basic groceries (I don’t skimp on fruits or veggies tho bec that means mental health). I see what other parents pack their children and we stick with basic sandwiches and snacks. We don’t eat out.

Used clothing and shoes. (Except for oldest kids who need new shoes)

Car repairs held off until really necessary

Davening to Hashem and having Bitachon that when he sends us necessary expenses He will take care of them.

Try very very hard not to use credit card and cash only to keep track of expenses.

sushilover ↓

Sun, Sep 29 2024, 9:29 am

amother OP wrote:

Just needing to put food on the credit card. I buy clothes for my kids within reason (always shop end of season sales), car repair, huge dental bill, all beyond our means and all going on the credit card etc.
Now our debt has ballooned just trying to keep up with life. And yes we are actively working to try to increase our income but everything flops or doesn’t pan out.
Are we living above our means? Should we live on bread and water and walk everywhere because we can’t pay our car repair?
If not what does this expression mean for the struggling middle class?

If you can't afford food, clothing, and transportation on your income, you are not middle class

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Sep 29 2024, 9:31 am

sushilover wrote:

If you can't afford food, clothing, and transportation on your income, you are not middle class

Except for qualifying for benefits we are

↑ sushilover ↓

Sun, Sep 29 2024, 9:34 am

amother OP wrote:

Except for qualifying for benefits we are

Is that how we define middle class?

Part of the solution is being brutally honest. You are not middle class if you can not afford food and clothing.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Sep 29 2024, 9:40 am

sushilover wrote:

Is that how we define middle class?

Part of the solution is being brutally honest. You are not middle class if you can not afford food and clothing.

I know we are not middle class. I am not trying to be unaware. I am very aware. I meant to qualify for programs we don’t qualify for anything because of that…

↑ sushilover

Sun, Sep 29 2024, 9:49 am

It seems like you are doing everything within your ability. Perhaps it is time to apply for tzedaka from your local community.
Forgive me if I'm causing you pain; but this is who tomchei shabbos was created for.

amother

Cappuccino

Sun, Sep 29 2024, 10:14 am

It's tough.
For us it means not to eat the food others see as necessities. I served pasta with a choice of ketchup or olive oil for Shabbos lunch yesterday. That was it.
Today's lunch was oatmeal porridge.
Cheap meals like that. (Not always, but often enough.)
Only frozen vegetables, not fresh. That's what not living beyond our means means to us.
We dilute the kiddush wine (rav says that's okay)
We don't buy clothes but over the years we've found people who are happy to hand down theirs so it's not a stress for us anymore.
And many more things.

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