“Dont live beyond your means”- what if that’s not possible

amother

OP ↓

Sat, Sep 28 2024, 5:48 pm

Just needing to put food on the credit card. I buy clothes for my kids within reason (always shop end of season sales), car repair, huge dental bill, all beyond our means and all going on the credit card etc.
Now our debt has ballooned just trying to keep up with life. And yes we are actively working to try to increase our income but everything flops or doesn’t pan out.
Are we living above our means? Should we live on bread and water and walk everywhere because we can’t pay our car repair?
If not what does this expression mean for the struggling middle class?

amother

Bronze

Sat, Sep 28 2024, 5:56 pm

it usually means the things beyond necessities. medical debts and car repair aren’t luxuries. for most people it means being conscious of prices and buying cheaper than you can afford to, to give yourself that cushion.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sat, Sep 28 2024, 5:58 pm

amother Bronze wrote:

You can only buy cheaper than you can afford to if you can afford in the first place.
If it’s going on the credit card anyways then I can’t afford no matter what.

amother

Lawngreen ↓

Sat, Sep 28 2024, 6:40 pm

Op, many of us are in the same boat. We need to buy milk and bread, not yogurt, not muffins, not smoothies, not ready made frozen food, regular cucumbers and tomatoes. Not luxuries. Don't take mussar from the people that don't get it.

amother

Tanzanite ↓

Sat, Sep 28 2024, 6:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

You can only buy cheaper than you can afford to if you can afford in the first place.
If it’s going on the credit card anyways then I can’t afford no matter what.

So the way this is worded requires some clarification to me. There are some people who say, It’s going on the credit card anyway and it’s just a number to add to the huge growing debt so who cares if it’s a little more or less than it could be. So they’ll spend a few extra dollars here and there because it’s not real money anyway it’s just a number being added to the mountain.

Can you try to ask for a payment plan for the dental bill?

amother

Acacia ↓

Sat, Sep 28 2024, 6:53 pm

amother Tanzanite wrote:

People always say this but if you don't have money, how does a payment plan help? Why would you have more money next month?

amother

↑ Lawngreen

Sat, Sep 28 2024, 7:10 pm

amother Royalblue wrote:

Won’t you run out of credit eventually?

It's good as long as it's available. Also, please factor in Hashem in all of this.

amother

Khaki ↓

Sat, Sep 28 2024, 7:23 pm

I'm so sorry, OP. I've lived that life.

Necessities you of course need to pay for.

And you can also make some tough calls about what is and what isn't a necessity.

For me, cleaning help was not a necessity. Nor was Jewish clothing, even end of season sales. I shopped thrift stores only, and I promise, my kids looked super cute. Nor was many grocery 'staples' that we learned to live without, baring special occasions (chicken, meat, yogurt...). Tap water and WIC milk, no other drinks. Walking instead of using prescious gas. Making full use of the library for entertainment (books, free tickets).

What's really interesting is that now that we are no longer poor, there are habits of frugality that we see are so valuable, we've kept to them even though we no longer strictly have to. Most of our clothing is still hand-me-downs or thrifted. We still don't have cleaning help. We still often choose free entertainment/vacations. We still cook with mostly inexpensive ingredients.

amother

Honeydew

Sat, Sep 28 2024, 7:25 pm

It means, think about your future before you make decision that will affect your finances long term. Don’t take on mortgage you can afford NOW but you won’t be able to afford once your family is older and/or bigger. Don’t lease the car you can afford NOW but then need to put the bar mitzvah on a credit card in 5 years instead of thinking ahead and putting those car lease payments into your savings. Don’t move to a city unless you will be able to afford all its associated costs including tuition long term, even if that’s where your family and friends live. Don’t stay in kollel till you’re absolutely pushed out financially and by then it’s too late and you’re drowning and can never catch up. Don’t get your kids used to new matching clothes in the trendiest styles with no hand me downs every 6 months just because you can afford that NOW, without thinking about how you’ll afford the designer things they’ll want when they’re teens.

amother

Topaz

Sat, Sep 28 2024, 7:29 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

People always say this but if you don't have money, how does a payment plan help? Why would you have more money next month?

When people suggest a payment plan, they’re not assuming you’ll magically have more money next month. Instead, a payment plan spreads the cost of a purchase over several months, making each payment smaller and easier to manage. Think of it like eating a big meal. If you try to eat it all at once, it can be overwhelming, but if you take small bites, it’s much more manageable.

So, even if your income stays the same, breaking a large expense into smaller, more manageable payments can make it easier to fit into your monthly budget without causing as much financial strain.

amother

↑ Gray ↓

Sat, Sep 28 2024, 7:30 pm

amother Lawngreen wrote:

It's good as long as it's available. Also, please factor in Hashem in all of this.

Credit cards have credit limits. And if you're accumulating debt and maxing out credit cards, it might be hard to get additional credit cards.

amother

Saddlebrown ↓

Sat, Sep 28 2024, 7:41 pm

I wish I had taken my own advice, but no credit cards.

It's tough to live without them, but surprisingly it is doable. And we would be in better shape now if we had stopped using them before we got to the level of debt we have.

Does it mean we go without a lot? Absolutely. But you can survive with unbalanced meals. You can survive even if your tights have holes. It's unpleasant and uncomfortable, but maxed out credit cards are also.

amother

Pansy

Sat, Sep 28 2024, 8:02 pm

Hugs OP its so hard!

When we just got married we didn't have much money. We would pretty much have noodles or rice with cheese every night. For shabbos I would put up cholent and we would have it for our Friday night meal and for shabbos day.
If we lived beyond our means we would have been in debt... it was easier back than, just the two of us and no kids.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sat, Sep 28 2024, 9:24 pm

amother Tanzanite wrote:

How can I do a payment plan if I can’t pay?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sat, Sep 28 2024, 9:25 pm

amother Royalblue wrote:

Won’t you run out of credit eventually?

Yes actually we just did. And Hashem sends small gifts along the way that help us move forward. There is no other way to understand it other than Hashem helps even though it doesn’t look the way I want.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sat, Sep 28 2024, 9:28 pm

amother Saddlebrown wrote:

How do you survive with unbalanced meals? (I have diabetes I need a lot of protein)

Would you tell me not to have a car because I couldn’t pay the repair?

amother

Blush

Sat, Sep 28 2024, 9:30 pm

amother Pansy wrote:

I agree that it’s much easier without kids, and even when the kids are young. With older ones you can only cut so many corners before they start feeling deprived, and then you’re stuck with therapy bills that are more expensive than the stuff they needed in the first place.

I fondly remember making 1 chicken bottom for supper, he ate the triangle and I’d eat the drumstick. We had a lot of whatever side dish I gave that day, potatoes, rice, pasta or whatever. Try doing that to teens. It will never work.