No money for yom tov

amother

Lightgray ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 8:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

Even if a rav can give us some money I need it go straight to the mortgage that I’m behind in…
Yes can do tomchei shabbos but they don’t give fresh produce and things like that

(didn't read all replies, maybe someone mentioned) I receive from Tomchei Shabbos and get potatoes, carrots, onions, frozen broccoli, cauliflower, tons and tons of chicken and meat, fish, gefilta fish rolls, and literally is a huge huge help! Cheeses and ketchup. Sometimes even snacks! Reach out.
I wish there was an organization for new clothing..

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 9:54 pm

amother Lightgray wrote:

DH is embarrassed to get tomchei shabbos, that a member of the community should drop it off at our house. He’s not comfortable with that

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 9:56 pm

Beautiful wrote:

Op, I hear that your husband doesn't have a connection with a Rav, but how about the Rav in the shul closest to you? Or the Vaad harabonim? At least where I live, they feel an achrayus to the whole community not just their mispalelim.

I don’t know of any vaad harabonim. I have been in touch with Mayan bsayser which was linked above. Hopefully they can help

amother

↑ Lightgray

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 10:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

DH is embarrassed to get tomchei shabbos, that a member of the community should drop it off at our house. He’s not comfortable with that

I so so get you! We didn't want to call Tomchei shabbos. We were so embarrassed. I hold a prestigious job and I just didn't have the courage to sign up. I was mortified by the thought that one of my employees who volunteers for Tomchei Shabbos would find out! It was still worth signing up! You can not imagine what big releif it was! There is enuf food on the table every single day. They give in abundance!
I can't afford mortgage, tuition, clothing, school supplies, shoes, uniforms, haircuts and what not, but thank you Hahsem a million times over that we have a fully stocked freezer. I can't tell you how much calmer I am since those boxes started coming my way. Please make the call!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 10:11 pm

amother Lightgray wrote:

It’s not me who doesn’t want, it’s DH. I can’t do it behind his back and if he does know he will be very embarrassed. But yes I relate can’t afford what you wrote either

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 10:19 pm

dankbar wrote:

Maybe someone can pick up a box instead they should deliver. Person picking up doesn't have to say for whom it's going. That way it doesn't have to be at your door dordle anyone to see

So they have a pickup option but it’s 3:30pm Friday afternoon in a different neighborhood. That’s just not realistic for us.
I don’t have anyone else who can pickup for me

mommy3b2c

Thu, Sep 26 2024, 10:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

DD is asking for clothing. Not only for yom tov but also for summer weekday. She does need nothing fits from last year. But every time she asks if she can check Tottini it irks me. “No you can’t check, I have no way to pay for it”. But she wants to look nice and feel good in what she wears

Maybe I can buy her two outfits ?

amother

DarkYellow ↓

Fri, Sep 27 2024, 12:22 am

amother OP wrote:

So they have a pickup option but it’s 3:30pm Friday afternoon in a different neighborhood. That’s just not realistic for us.
I don’t have anyone else who can pickup for me

I'm sure if you explained to the organisation that your husband would be embarrassed to get dropped of by your house and can't manage the pickup I'm sure they will think of a solution to meet maybe at a time convenient for you
Don't be shy we had to have this for one whole year and my husband at the time earned a lot but circumstances we needed help bh after the year bh our circumstances changed bh again we went up to the organisation with a lot money to say thank you for being there when we needed it
There is a time to take and time to give
Please try work something out

amother

Watermelon

Fri, Sep 27 2024, 12:25 am

amother DarkYellow wrote:

This is beautiful. As someone who unfortunately needs to take from TS now (and is beyond grateful; they are literally saving our lives) I dream of doing exactly this one day: Telling them we no longer need their help and giving them a large donation in appreciation for all they've done for us.

IYH by all of us who are now on the taking end.

amother

↑ Cantaloupe ↓

Fri, Sep 27 2024, 6:20 am

amother OP wrote:

So they have a pickup option but it’s 3:30pm Friday afternoon in a different neighborhood. That’s just not realistic for us.
I don’t have anyone else who can pickup for me

I would think that if you are truly worried about putting food on the table for yom tov, it would be a priority for you to go pick it up.

Rearrange your schedule to make it happen or ask for an alternative time, you can't be the only one who it doesn't work for.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Sep 27 2024, 6:27 am

amother Cantaloupe wrote:

Thank you so much! I couldn’t have thought of that myself. I will right now make DH change his mind about getting help, leave him to watch all the kids on Friday afternoon while I go get it from a house of someone he knows and is very embarrassed about them knowing. Thanks for the advice, you are truly a lifesaver.

Seriously though, do you think I haven’t thought and thought about how and whether I should do it? Right now the options they have don’t work for us. I wish they had a pickup much closer to me that I could pickup while he is still at work. But beggars can’t be choosers, I know. So right now I’m keeping my shalom Bayis intact and not getting it

amother

↑ Hibiscus

Fri, Sep 27 2024, 6:39 am

OP, you are in a lot of pain. People here do care about you and your family even though some of the responses seem to be triggering you. It’s okay if you just need to vent, but if you want solutions, something has to change or the problem won’t get solved. Wishing you a positive outcome to this complicated situation and a beautiful yontiff from start to finish.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Sep 27 2024, 6:41 am

amother Hibiscus wrote:

Yes I know something has to change as I already said, DH asked for a raise. I reached out to Mayan bsayser. But I think that people telling me exactly how I should live my life or I don’t actually “need” the help is very triggering.

I have appreciated all the suggestions it was the way the last poster wrote that I had a hard time with. “Obviously if you are worried enough you’d do something”, well maybe not. There are many options that isn’t one of them that works for us. It just felt very judgmental as if I wasn’t trying hard enough

amother

↑ DarkYellow

Fri, Sep 27 2024, 7:30 am

amother OP wrote:

Does anyone else no about your situation
If yes maybe they could pick it up for you

↑ shira leah

Fri, Sep 27 2024, 7:33 am

amother OP wrote:

So they have a pickup option but it’s 3:30pm Friday afternoon in a different neighborhood. That’s just not realistic for us.
I don’t have anyone else who can pickup for me

Pls pm me. I would be happy to try to do the pick up for you. I also have girl clothes in various sizes I would be happy to pass along.

amother

Cornsilk

Fri, Sep 27 2024, 7:57 am

You have two separate problems. A lack of money/food/time and so on, and a communication problem with your husband. My own sister in law called me to ask for the phone number of an organization that gives out clothing before Yom Tov. She has a large family and low income and knows that she needs to do this in order to raise her family. She is not embarrassed. If you don’t have supplies for Yom Tov, and you can get a lot of supplies, then it is probably time to bite the bullet on the embarrassment.

I think that many of us struggle with this in some fashion. My husband and I both earn decent salaries, but there is a limit as to how much tuition we can pay, especially when the kids get older and the tuitions get higher. I am thinking about going down the road of applying for financial aid, even though it’s embarrassing and we might get rejected. It’s just that as life goes on, something’s got to give. You need food, you need clothing. You need shelter. You need to give your kids the bare bones of a normal life.

amother

↑ Banana

Fri, Sep 27 2024, 8:25 am

amother Cornsilk wrote:

An additional issue that perhaps you and your husband can work on: you are so blessed to live in a city with so many caring rabbonim, a shul on almost every other block. Is there a deeper reason you dont have a relationship with any of them? It would be so helpful to you as a couple and a family to establish a relationship with a rov who knows you as a couple as a family and community member. The rabbonim are here to help but if no one knows you they cant help. The local organizations work closely with the rabbonim.