Going a bit crazy from my daughter

amother

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 8:19 pm

I have two kids at home and my younger one goes to sleep early. My teenage daughter is always around! She wants to talk and bond and snuggle and I can’t get a break from her. I love her and I feel guilty that I need the break, but I’m only human! I know so many people are dealing with teens that claim to hate them , and I feel grateful I’m not dealing with that, but it’s really too much for me. I need my space!

amother

Eggplant

Wed, Sep 11 2024, 8:22 pm

Sit down with her and set up a schedule. Tell her x time is this kid’s bedtime and y time is that kid’s bedtime, z time is your downtime, and her time is from a to b. And then when she interferes you remind her that her time is a to b and not now.

amother

Wandflower

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 2:58 am

My 27 year old daughter described to me how incredibly painful it was for her when we stopped her from hanging out with us all night and talking and talking when she was a teenager. She felt it was complete rejection of her and she still holds it against us. She was having a tough time as a teenager and not many positives in her life. We felt we needed space and boundaries. Please discuss this with a trusted mentor before you decide what to do.

amother

Fern

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 6:04 am

I agree that it may signal that she needs this time with you, so I would act gently. It's a bit unusual for a teenager to still want to hang out with her Mom like this, and something that may not last much longer. Does she have homework? After school activities? A good friend group? I also empathize with your need for downtime after all your responsibilities. You are probably both physically and emotionally tired. I would emphasize how much you love her and enjoy spending time with her. Maybe even institute a ritual like having tea and a snack together with the understanding that you need some time to decompress after. You might need to give her a hug and move to your room to create that space. Soon enough she will be out on her own and you will miss this time together.

abound

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 6:26 am

Get your downtime, before she comes home. Once you go to bed...you can read, do crossword puzzles etc....but you turned in for the night

Last edited by abound on Sun, Sep 15 2024, 2:58 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Tulip

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 6:35 am

amother Wandflower wrote:

This is an important feedback. My daughter is the same and I often run put of topic what to talk about.

Molly Weasley ↓

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 8:30 am

amother Wandflower wrote:

Wow!

I'm curious, now that she's older, does she understand your point of view - that couples need time for themselves? Or does she still believe you should have prioritized her needs?

Obviously, considering you didn't know she needed the extra TLC.

amother

Lightcoral

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 9:10 am

I think giving her a set schedule of when you’re available for her is a little demeaning . She’s nearly an adult. But if and when you need your space can’t you go to your room and lock the door ? If she knocks just say you’re resting now sorry . I find if I disappear the kids end up finding ways to entertain themselves other than talking to me nonstop.

amother

Snowdrop ↓

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 9:16 am

I'd be concerned about a teenager wanting to cuddle with her mother.

How is she doing socially?

Was she given strong boundaries as a child?

Has someone eroded her boundaries?

A quick hug or wanting to endlessly talk is one thing. Cuddling and constant interaction is a sign of something unhealthy.

amother

↑ Snowdrop ↓

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 9:18 am

amother Wandflower wrote:

Her feelings are valid.

But please realize that so are yours. It's not a normal expectation to entertain a teenager every night for hours on end.

Chayalle

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 9:44 am

Make time for her. I find taking my teen for a drive works very well. I can listen better in the car. My mother AH used to do that for me (and yes, I was from a large family BAH, and that's how she made individual time for me).

amother

Currant ↓

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 10:37 am

Can you think of something you would want to do anyway, and then do it with her? What do you like to do in your spare time?

amother

↑ Currant

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 10:52 am

Or do some of your to do tasks while chatting to her. Fold laundry, go on a walk together (exercise), wash dishes, reorganize a closet or bookshelf. A lot of to-do's can be accomplished while also talking to someone. That way you can free up some other time for yourself.

amother

↑ Snowdrop

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 12:53 pm

amother Snowdrop wrote:

Why did my post get hugged?

Is this really a normal expectation to cuddle with teenagers? This is so bizarre to me.

↑ Molly Weasley ↓

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 1:26 pm

amother Snowdrop wrote:

Why did my post get hugged?

Is this really a normal expectation to cuddle with teenagers? This is so bizarre to me.

Embrace the hugs ❤️❤️

Hundreds of people view these threads, very few interact

If s/o wants to say something to you, she can actually make a comment. otherwise, embrace the hugs. Pretend it's real.

↑ Molly Weasley

Sun, Sep 15 2024, 2:26 pm

By the way, it may not be a sign of anything other than she's having trouble at school or socially and needs to connect with someone with unconditional love.

Not everything is a sign of something more sinister.