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amother
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 Sun, Sep 15 2024, 12:26 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Thank you. This helped!
Out of curiosity, are you guys able to afford to buy groceries and clothes without worrying too much? |
Groceries yes. Clothes no unless I want to not save. But it’s only for another short while. I did buy a couple of things on sale but only bec I needed some roomier things postpartum
We expected this and therefore put a little cushion in our checking so that we wouldn’t feel choked during this time. It’s only about 4 months total so it’s doable, we’re at 4k a month and the numbers don’t add up but somehow it’s working
If the raise isn’t enough then I will get a job though bec I cannot handle this much longer lol
I don’t spend a lot but I need to know that I can if I want to
Before this I wouldn’t have been able to even last a few months like this and so far I’ve been pretty calm so that’s a big step for me
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amother
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Sun, Sep 15 2024, 1:43 pm
| amother Celeste wrote: | Groceries yes. Clothes no unless I want to not save. But it’s only for another short while. I did buy a couple of things on sale but only bec I needed some roomier things postpartum
We expected this and therefore put a little cushion in our checking so that we wouldn’t feel choked during this time. It’s only about 4 months total so it’s doable, we’re at 4k a month and the numbers don’t add up but somehow it’s working
If the raise isn’t enough then I will get a job though bec I cannot handle this much longer lol
I don’t spend a lot but I need to know that I can if I want to
Before this I wouldn’t have been able to even last a few months like this and so far I’ve been pretty calm so that’s a big step for me |
Wow, honestly so admirable!
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amother
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Sun, Sep 15 2024, 1:45 pm
| amother Cadetblue wrote: | There is truth to that but there is also a concept that the amount that you trust Hashem is the amount he will give.
We can’t dictate the way he will fill it , but when you give your problems over to Hashem he really steps in
You need to do your hishtaldis and be responsible.
But also believe that Hashem loves you and will take care of you
I find this a very calming way to live. And have so many stories where I have see this in my life |
Of course I believe Hashem loves me and will take care of me. But not necessarily in the way I may like to be taken care of..
That's the difference in outlooks
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amother
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Sun, Sep 15 2024, 1:46 pm
| amother Cadetblue wrote: | Go on dates with Dh
Mani or pedi
Bubble bath ( bath and body works has scented ones made of essential oil called bath foams)
Spend time in nature
Go for facial ( that is usually when in high stress and need a bigger ticket item)
Buy myself lunch
Spend time with people I love
Slurpies.
Cook myself something complicated and fun to make ( this is only when I have time) |
I just bought bubblegum scented bubbles lol I should try them!
And yes I love slurpees
These are mostly things I've done/do...thanks for the ideas.
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amother
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Sun, Sep 15 2024, 1:49 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Of course I believe Hashem loves me and will take care of me. But not necessarily in the way I may like to be taken care of..
That's the difference in outlooks |
How do you apply the idea that hashem will take care of you, but not in the way you may like to be taken care of?
Would you say for example that the 6 hostages that were executed recently were being taken care of by hashem?
Does this have value to you?
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amother
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Sun, Sep 15 2024, 1:56 pm
| amother Cadetblue wrote: | There is truth to that but there is also a concept that the amount that you trust Hashem is the amount he will give.
We can’t dictate the way he will fill it , but when you give your problems over to Hashem he really steps in
You need to do your hishtaldis and be responsible.
But also believe that Hashem loves you and will take care of you
I find this a very calming way to live. And have so many stories where I have see this in my life |
I've heard this all my life and then a lightbulb went off a few years ago and I said wait- is this true?
The words are nice but is this really happening? Are the people that are giving their problems to hashem not dying of cancer? Do they not experience tragedies? Do they not have divorce and abuse tzoros? Is it happening less? As in for example, were frum erleche ballai bitochon jews more protected during covid that the others?
I don't see how you can make this claim at all. I think these are words that are repeated again and again and again so we just accept it and don't bother to think if it makes sense in a way that we can apply it.
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amother
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Sun, Sep 15 2024, 2:06 pm
| amother Hawthorn wrote: | How do you apply the idea that hashem will take care of you, but not in the way you may like to be taken care of?
Would you say for example that the 6 hostages that were executed recently were being taken care of by hashem?
Does this have value to you? |
Honestly these types of things really shake my bitachon.
But that doesn't mean it's not true.
Hashem did do it...
I do believe He exists. Sometimes He allows bad things to happen that I'll never understand.
I've personally experienced some hardships that I will never understand. But I do believe Hashem is orchestrating everything.
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amother
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Sun, Sep 15 2024, 2:13 pm
| amother Hawthorn wrote: | I've heard this all my life and then a lightbulb went off a few years ago and I said wait- is this true?
The words are nice but is this really happening? Are the people that are giving their problems to hashem not dying of cancer? Do they not experience tragedies? Do they not have divorce and abuse tzoros? Is it happening less? As in for example, were frum erleche ballai bitochon jews more protected during covid that the others?
I don't see how you can make this claim at all. I think these are words that are repeated again and again and again so we just accept it and don't bother to think if it makes sense in a way that we can apply it. |
In my personal life I have seen it 100%
I went through suffering
I have lost my mother as young kid
I got married at 30
Went through many hardships
But in all the times I have always felt hashem love and help.
I don’t think we can decide hashem outcome
But if you within your suffering you can see the small hugs and way he is there for you
I might have been an orphan , but was blessed with a family that loves me and really takes care of me .
My extended family is amazing.
I might have waited a long time to get married but my DH is a rare gem of a person that I am so lucky to be married to.
And in the journey I constantly felt hashem help.
I can not talk about others but I can see what bitochoean has gifted me .
Hashem has never failed me yet 😀
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BasKol
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Sun, Sep 15 2024, 2:58 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Just read the post from the OP who makes over $600k a year and is struggling and it got me so stressed.
For some background.. DH and I are in our low 20s and make about $130k a year combined+ possibly some income from a business I just started that's not making me much now but iyh.
We both work in tech related jobs. When I was in school the going rate for an entry level job was 80-100 but I graduated into this economy and I'm making a bit under 70k. I'm hoping to close to double it in the next few years but right now the market is bleak so I'm happy to be employed.
We don't have kids yet but life is already so expensive. We save a lot because I am really intent on buying a house in the next few years. (Around 500k cosmetic fixer upper is the goal)
I have such a hard time with my emunah. I stress daily about money, or more like hourly. Every time one of us goes shopping I check our banking app and when an unexpected expense comes up I go crazy.
I'm exhausted. I'm barely into my adult life and I already can't handle this emotionally.
Bh were not struggling. We have a mesila budget and we can save but we have to be super vigilant to do so. And it takes such a toll.
How can I calm myself down? It affects me and my husband because he feels the results of my stress. |
Once you start having kids you will see the Bracha come down, more with each kid. Nothing to worry about.
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amother
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Sun, Sep 15 2024, 4:43 pm
| amother Cadetblue wrote: | In my personal life I have seen it 100%
I went through suffering
I have lost my mother as young kid
I got married at 30
Went through many hardships
But in all the times I have always felt hashem love and help.
I don’t think we can decide hashem outcome
But if you within your suffering you can see the small hugs and way he is there for you
I might have been an orphan , but was blessed with a family that loves me and really takes care of me .
My extended family is amazing.
I might have waited a long time to get married but my DH is a rare gem of a person that I am so lucky to be married to.
And in the journey I constantly felt hashem help.
I can not talk about others but I can see what bitochoean has gifted me .
Hashem has never failed me yet 😀 |
That's good. My question is whether bitochon leads to good outcomes. And does lack of bitochon lead to bad outcomes.
I think we'd have a hard time demonstrating this on a large scale.
There are plenty of people with bitochon that are suffering or died. There are plenty of people without bitochon that have health, parnassah, and good lives.
It's difficult for me to accept this idea when it doesn't seem to be true.
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amother
Ghostwhite
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Sun, Sep 15 2024, 4:52 pm
| amother Hawthorn wrote: | That's good. My question is whether bitochon leads to good outcomes. And does lack of bitochon lead to bad outcomes.
I think we'd have a hard time demonstrating this on a large scale.
There are plenty of people with bitochon that are suffering or died. There are plenty of people without bitochon that have health, parnassah, and good lives.
It's difficult for me to accept this idea when it doesn't seem to be true. |
Read this:
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.or.....nking
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BasKol
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Sun, Sep 15 2024, 6:37 pm
| amother Hawthorn wrote: | That's good. My question is whether bitochon leads to good outcomes. And does lack of bitochon lead to bad outcomes.
I think we'd have a hard time demonstrating this on a large scale.
There are plenty of people with bitochon that are suffering or died. There are plenty of people without bitochon that have health, parnassah, and good lives.
It's difficult for me to accept this idea when it doesn't seem to be true. |
You can ask that about anything. Did the more frum people suffer less in the Holocaust?
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amother
Daylily
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Sun, Sep 15 2024, 8:15 pm
| amother Hawthorn wrote: | That's good. My question is whether bitochon leads to good outcomes. And does lack of bitochon lead to bad outcomes.
I think we'd have a hard time demonstrating this on a large scale.
There are plenty of people with bitochon that are suffering or died. There are plenty of people without bitochon that have health, parnassah, and good lives.
It's difficult for me to accept this idea when it doesn't seem to be true. |
Cadet Blue is showing that Bitachon does lead to good outcomes.
Not the good outcome of everything going smoothly. But the good outcome of having peace of mind, happiness and feeling loved. Yes she had hardships but Bitachon gifted her perspective. And that's the most valuable sometimes
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amother
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Sun, Sep 15 2024, 8:29 pm
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Love how this thread derailed into a great hashkafic discussion. I'm really enjoying hearing different perspectives.
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amother
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Sun, Sep 15 2024, 8:30 pm
| amother Hawthorn wrote: | Why does bitochon mean hashem will give you something/it will work out?
I used to believe this but I'm at a point where I realize it's factually untrue.
Hashem allows people to suffer their entire lives. Some die. Some can't have children. Some are sick. Some are abused. Some are hostages.
The same hashem that allows orphans and every imaginable terrible thing to happen can also decide a person will be poor. In fact he does.
To me bitochon means blindly trusting hashems plan and trying to come to terms with the idea that sickness, death, abuse, infertility, ect, are all part of hashems plan and we must accept it.
Not as you're trying to say that hashem will work everything out for us. |
Hashem gives us everything we need. We need to truly rely on Him. Always. Listen for a few days and then come back to me
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amother
Powderblue
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Sun, Sep 15 2024, 8:50 pm
| amother Hawthorn wrote: | That's good. My question is whether bitochon leads to good outcomes. And does lack of bitochon lead to bad outcomes.
I think we'd have a hard time demonstrating this on a large scale.
There are plenty of people with bitochon that are suffering or died. There are plenty of people without bitochon that have health, parnassah, and good lives.
It's difficult for me to accept this idea when it doesn't seem to be true. |
I read about the parents of Ori Danino Hyd and the father of Almog Sarusi Hyd (hostages murdered by Hamas two weeks ago)- they had such strong bitachon that their children would come home and they accepted that Hashem’s answer was that the children would come home for burial, but not alive.
In fact Almog’s father reportedly made a deal with Hashem- he said I will become religious if You Hashem bring my son home. He accepted that Hashem held up His end of the deal and brought his son home, looking beautiful and peaceful, for burial.
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amother
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Mon, Sep 16 2024, 12:17 pm
| amother Daylily wrote: | Cadet Blue is showing that Bitachon does lead to good outcomes.
Not the good outcome of everything going smoothly. But the good outcome of having peace of mind, happiness and feeling loved. Yes she had hardships but Bitachon gifted her perspective. And that's the most valuable sometimes |
How does one story (out of millions) demonstrate anything?
I'm talking about if we look at tens of thousands of people in generation after generation, did those who have bitochon have better outcomes? Are they living longer. Get cancer less frequently? Have less tragedies. Have parnassah....
We can prove anything from one instance. There's someone who ate treif last yom kippur (c'vs) have had a mazal year full of blessing. Does this prove that eating treif on YK leads to bracha?
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amother
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Mon, Sep 16 2024, 12:19 pm
Yes, positive thinking is good. But that's not authentic bitochon in hashem. An athiest can have positive thinking. So can anyone in any of the 4000 religions.
I'm asking if -for us chosen Jews- having bitochon in hashem leads to better outcomes. This would include outcomes that we can't control like fertility issues or dying of covid.
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amother
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Mon, Sep 16 2024, 12:22 pm
| amother Chocolate wrote: | | Hashem gives us everything we need. We need to truly rely on Him. Always. Listen for a few days and then come back to me |
That's an approach. Hashem gives us what we need.
The people that can't have children don't really need children.
The people that don't have parnasah, don't really need it.
The women that don't have a get, don't really need it.
The people that are abused, it's ok.
The people that are sick or died- also ok.
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amother
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Mon, Sep 16 2024, 12:26 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Thank you! That means so much.
I have a dream to one day make enough to give chomesh and still live comfortably...
I really want to be able to support my community and family as well as give my future children basic necessities and a couple extras.
I find that my goals really color the decisions I make. But I also need a happy life now.
Worrying about saving too much can have negative affects right now so I'm trying to figure out how to strike a balance between the insane level of discretionary spending I see around me in my community and the anxious frugal mindset I have sometimes. |
Did you ever try the baby steps method to wealth by Dave Ramsey? It’s his steps to becoming an every day millionaire. It may give you some peace of mind. You may need to adjust for a frum lifestyle though, I.e. savings for weddings. I use it to get out all my money anxiety.
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