Do You Look Forward To Shabbos? Why/Why not?

amother

Alyssum

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 6:43 am

I love and look forward to Shabbos. BH my husband and kids are great. I love our entire Shabbos routine: davening, seudahs, learning, teaching, visiting with friends, play.

But I definitely understand how it can be challenging for people whose home is a tense, lonely, or uncomfortable place for them. Or whose community doesn't embrace them. For those who rely on certain escapes during the week, like phone or internet, those become unavailable. It can be hard.

amother

Olive

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 7:27 am

Being single with a couple of kids, including boys, shabbas is not easy and not relaxing! I work the whole week in order to support myself and kids then comes Shabbas Kodesh... I wish others would realise how difficult it is to make a seuda/entertain the children/ask the Parsha questions ext. whilst keeping 'myself' calm and happy. I am sure I am speaking for lots of brave singles out there. For the rest of you- Please, take awareness. Feel our pain. Lookout for us. Some examples of ways you can help, A, invite us for a meal B. If that's not possible how about just taking 1 of our kids for a meal/shabbas afternoon? C. Have you ever thought of asking your husband to offer to take our boys to shul or just to Farhar them? Its difficult and extremely boring as a mother to do this. I am sure there's many more ways you can help but for now please stop judging and rather see how YOU can help us out!

Goldengoose

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 7:32 am

I've had a love/hate relationship with shabbos for years. BH I'm in a love phase now and have been for a long time. BH. it's a gift from Hashem to have shabbos AND to love it. it's not a given.
many circumstances can affect how how one feels about it. sending support and love to those that are in the "not love" phase now. it's really hard.

mha3484

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 7:36 am

I LOVE shabbos. Its the only day I don't have to go anywhere. I get to spend time with my kids, I get to unplug and sleep. It really helps that my youngest is 3.5 and we have a lot of outdoor space. So we can play in the yard, go to the park, take a walk, I usually find friends to talk to. If I was stuck with a bunch of little kids in a tiny apartment I would find it much much harder.

amother

Cobalt

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 7:40 am

Yes, I do. As a student I looked forward to respite from school, as a newly employed person looked forward even more to the respite since the work day plus commute was much longer than the school day and there were far fewer days off.

I don't love cleaning for Shabbat but most of the housework is stuff I would have to do anyway, I just choose to do it lich'vod Shabbat rather than at random times during the week. It's the only time I really cook-cook an entire meal as opposed to maybe cooking one thing and the rest being ready to eat, like cheeses, yogurts, canned fish. OK, that's why the family looks forward to Shabbat, not me, as I don't love cooking.

The very long summer Shabbatot are a bit much, by the end I'm plotzing to get back to the routine. And I'm not fond of Fridays because no matter what time Shabbat starts, there's always this pressure, this sense of playing "Beat the Clock" and rush-rush-rushing to get everything done, even if there is really no rush at all. I could never understand TGIF--Friday is the most tension-filled day of the week! From the minute I get to work I'm watching the clock, and if I'm not crazy busy I'm thinking of all the things I could be doing at home instead.

But Friday night relaxation makes it all worthwhile.

amother

DarkViolet

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 8:26 am

I look forward to shabbos the whole week.

I work full time. It gives me time that I don't have to work. I don't have to cook or do laundry. It's down time for me. I enjoy my family and we visit friends in the area.

amother

↑ Eggshell ↓

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 10:47 am

amother Heather wrote:

Youre clever!

Does your husband work?

My husband is involved in every single thing that happens at home.

Its like I have no power over my kids cos hes always around.

Is it normal to find it easier when hes away?
That way there was no arguing and only on parent and one decision for kids to listen to.

Dh works. He didn't get a job until after I had my second kid when I told him that either he goes to work or I'm getting divorced. My kids consider it a vacation when dh visits his mother in Florida every year. The last time he went, they were hoping his plane would be delayed or get hijacked, so he doesn't come home too fast.

amother

IndianRed

Fri, Sep 13 2024, 11:38 am

I want to like shabbos. I invest a lot into trying to like shabbos. But as a working mom of a bunch of young kids, all the prep and the clean up is so much work and shabbos itself is a whirlwind of tantrums and games and food and entertaining everyone without coloring or playdough and can't leave the house because there's no eruv so no adult company because everyone we know also can't leave the house on shabbos. My husband is in shul for many hours so it's very hard

amother

↑ Heather

Sat, Sep 14 2024, 1:03 pm

amother Eggshell wrote:

Thanks.

My oldest is 12.

When you said that about getting divorced, did you mean it?

Because Iv never felt strong enough to give him such an ultimatum and actually go through with it.

amother

Orange

Sat, Sep 14 2024, 5:36 pm

amother Eggshell wrote:

This is really terrible for children to hope about their own father. I don't know your whole story but it sounds like a good example for "staying because of the kids is NOT always for the good of the kids"

amother

↑ Eggshell

Sat, Sep 14 2024, 5:58 pm

amother Heather wrote:

Thanks.

My oldest is 12.

When you said that about getting divorced, did you mean it?

Because Iv never felt strong enough to give him such an ultimatum and actually go through with it.

I was getting desperate. I threaten to divorce a little too often usually when dh is exceptionally toxic, and he makes an effort to be more polite for the next day or 2. At that time, I think I would have gone through with it. Now the main thing holding me back is finances, but when dh wasn't working, I gained nothing from our marriage. I worked full time, came home to a messy house and a crying kid, had to nurse the baby and cook supper, and dh wouldn't even come out bed for supper until I was putting the baby to sleep. Why should I have stayed married to him? Now I'm only working part-time, and he accumulated lots of debt under both of our names, I know that I'm going to be in huge financial trouble if we get divorced. I also know that dh doesn't want to get divorced since it would be inconvenient and embarrassing.

amother

↑ Buttercup

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 3:37 pm

amother Orange wrote:

Yes. It's very weird situation. Even if she would be divorced, teaching your kids to hate their father is not okay

amother

Nectarine ↓

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 4:03 pm

I dread it every week, my husband is socially awkward and everyone barely tolerates him so we hardly ever have guests for meals. This leads to the meals being short (under an hour), then he goes to sleep and I am the one watching our kids and trying to entertain them all day.
I try to get a good book from the library so at least I’m not totally bored the entire day.

amother

↑ Nectarine

Mon, Sep 16 2024, 4:10 pm

amother Buttercup wrote:

BH the vast majority look forward to shabbos, besides for one who's dealing with a separate unrelated issue Sad

Based on your question, I was worried there will be more people that don't like Shabbos ח"ו

It’s very much related, when you have bad SB or a spouse who isn’t mainstream, it affect every single aspect of your life.