Teen help erev shabbos

amother

Tue, Nov 19 2024, 8:52 pm

I would love my teens help on erev shabbos but it takes them a few hours to get ready for shabbos, hair and makeup etc. I really want them to feel beautiful but it's getting on my nerves that they come home from school, go to take a shower and then I don't see them until very close to shabbos. I'm not sure how to gently navigate this so we're all happy without causing unnecessary friction.

amother

Foxglove

Tue, Nov 19 2024, 8:55 pm

I'll admit my oldest daughter is 15 and not wearing makeup/blowing her hair down but wow how long does it take to do all that?! Do they come home close to shabbos?

flowerpower

Tue, Nov 19 2024, 8:57 pm

Can they do some erev shabbos chores on Thursday night? Friday should not be a hectic busy day. Best not to come into shabbos feeling like a shmatta. They can help you cook and set the table Thursday night

amother

Apricot ↓

Tue, Nov 19 2024, 8:59 pm

You need to say I need xyz done so either do it before or after but it has to get done by shabbos. But I really think your kids are milking the space you give them to beautify themselves. They realized it’s your weak point, you won’t interfere with it. So they make it take up all the time. A clever way to play you and get out of chores.

emee2

Tue, Nov 19 2024, 10:35 pm

I have a 16 yr old girl and 17 yr old girl. Both of them cook on Thursday night. On Friday they each get 45 min to get ready for shabbos. Everyone is expected to be ready 1 hour before candlelighting. I found the easiest way to do this is to have a schedule. I sat down with my girls and asked them if they prefer helping first or showering first and they both prefer helping first so I shower at 12pm then we do the little kids at 1pm then my girls at 2 and 2:45 finally a last minute clean up and then go through the Shabbos list.

amother

Cantaloupe

Yesterday at 12:31 am

Let them know in advance. I need your help with xyz. Please make sure there is time for it.
My dh recently implemented a rule that my teens are ready and downstairs for shabbos at least 45 min before the zman. That allows them to be able to help with the little kids while I finish up and any last minute tasks that arise.

amother

Lotus

Yesterday at 1:42 am

My dad are 12 and 11 and I almost never ask for help with anything. It’s how I grew up, my mom would be busy in the kitchen and then explode at us for not helping. So I do it all myself minus the exploding part bH.
I’m realizing that it’s probably to everyone’s benefit that they help. But since I wasn’t raised with it I’m very bad at implementing it!!
Can someone help me get started??

amother

Lawngreen ↓

Yesterday at 7:06 am

Give them a list of things to choose from and be responsible for.
My daughter would rather bathe and dress the little ones than any other chore.
She has so much schoolwork that I cannot ask for anything else.

shabbatiscoming

Yesterday at 7:20 am

How long does showering and getting dressed and make up take? Even if it takes time, when do they get home?
I grew up that if you are part of a household and family, you help. Full stop. No other choice.
You have to let them know the new normal. They can still get ready but it cant take HOURS and HOURS.

amother

Oldlace

Yesterday at 7:24 am

I qould get hoke from school at 12 then make Shabbos with my sisters. My mother worked full time so we did it all and we still did hair and makeup...what are they doing already?? Are they getting home 2 hours before Shab that it takes all the time to get ready??

amother

↑ Apricot ↓

Yesterday at 7:53 am

amother Lawngreen wrote:

She has school work that has to be done between getting home on Friday until shabbos starts?

mizle10

Yesterday at 7:57 am

Let them know Thursday what you expect of them and tell them you don’t care when it gets done but it’s their responsibility to have it done before shabbos.

amother

↑ Lawngreen ↓

Yesterday at 8:47 am

amother Apricot wrote:

She has school work that has to be done between getting home on Friday until shabbos starts?

She is always studying and writing notes from her textbooks.

amother

Cyan ↓

Yesterday at 8:50 am

amother Lawngreen wrote:

She is always studying and writing notes from her textbooks.

Friday afternoon is not schoolwork time. It's shabbos prep time.

amother

↑ Cyan

Yesterday at 8:51 am

OP, perhaps you can do most of the shabbos prep on Thursday evening & they can help out on Thursdays so Friday shouldn't be so hectic.

amother

↑ Apricot

Yesterday at 8:52 am

amother Lawngreen wrote:

She is always studying and writing notes from her textbooks.

Does she have ocd or anxiety? This is not in the realm of normal and not a reason you can’t tell her she needs to find a better balance.

amother

↑ Lawngreen

Yesterday at 10:00 am

amother Apricot wrote:

Does she have ocd or anxiety? This is not in the realm of normal and not a reason you can’t tell her she needs to find a better balance.

She likes to do well.
It's still the beginning of a new year and she is already balancing lots of things. I'm grateful for her offers to help when she feels she can.