How to decline Shabbos meals?

Ema of 5 ↓

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 6:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

is this a common thing that husbands don’t like to go out? I feel like some of my friends husbands are the same too

My husband doesn’t like going out, and we haven’t in years. Truth is, it’s easier for me to be home.

↑ Ema of 5

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 6:50 pm

Sleepdeprived wrote:

Men generally like to reside over their own shabbos table. it feels right to them. For some it[s their nachas moments after an entire busy week.
We hardly ever accept invites to go out but we host large crowds almost on a weekly basis.

My husband likes to be home because he doesn’t enjoy other people’s food. Nothing to do with his own meal or not.

amother

Beige

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 6:51 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

My husband doesn’t like going out, and we haven’t in years. Truth is, it’s easier for me to be home.

Same so much easier, with picky eaters and eating at home … dread eating out

amother

Nemesia

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 7:34 pm

I usually say. Thanks so much, but this week doesn’t work for us.

amother

Honey

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 8:27 pm

Here a politely-declining-Shabbos-invitation story from over 10 years ago:

An Israeli couple moved to my street and I met them on the block. Ofra and rotem were very secular and I invited them for a Shabbos night meal. They politely declined and I waited a few weeks before I tried again.
They again declined saying they’ll be out of town that weekend. So I tried again a few weeks later.
Now looking back, I realize I’m socially off because I continued to try. And they continued to politely say no often with reasons.
Finally one day they said yes and we had a fabulous time together. We eventually became tight friends. They moved back to their kibbutz and we are still in touch till today. Since then Ofra went into early retirement.
Seems like a nice ending to a non dramatic story.

But there’s part two

After 10/7 she went to the south to volunteer with many displaced families. While there she met a frum looking girl and they struck up a conversation. Turns out this girl knows my family.
Ofra proudly shared with her, her story with her religious friend..
“My husband and I lived on a very chiloni kibbutz, some ppl are very anti dati. I had no connection with anyone dati. When we moved to America for a few years. We met a religious woman who tried inviting us. We did not want to go. We kept giving excuses and pushing her off. She did not let up, so one day my husband and I decided let’s say yes, just to get her off our backs, and then it’ll be easier to say no. We had no interest in a Shabbat dinner and certainly not interested in befriending a religious family.
But something strange happened. We hit it off like sisters. We became close and no, we did not become religious. But I now look at dati ppl with more curiosity and openness because I might find another good friend.”

The girl came back to me with this narrative and I was very surprised. I did not think I had any impact on ofra’s Yiddish kite at all.
I spoke to ofra about it and she told me that she and her husband had a joke going, to see how many times this religious woman will try till she gets the hint.

Wow! You read till here.

1. Some of us are socially off
2. I wrote this as a story, not to preach Chas vecholila.
3. Don’t give excuses, just say no kindly.
4. I’m still socially off but the difference is that now I know I’m off and I learned to like me and my quirkiness. And not beat myself for social mistakes’ I make.

Good Shabbos!

amother

Chestnut

Thu, Sep 12 2024, 10:20 pm

amother Currant wrote:

I didn’t understand this. Can you please clarify?
She is saying the truth- her husband honestly doesn't want to go out. How is that a lie??
IMO all three options are totally fine and people need to respect if others don’t go out
Maybe they don’t spend enough time together and need to be home for shalom bayis
Maybe they need to take care of a difficult child who is neurodivergent or asd..
it’s way more awkward to talk about that. I don’t understand peoples stigmas around invitations. So awkward.

Except op does eat out.

Just not with these people.