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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
amother
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 Tue, Sep 10 2024, 8:26 pm
I'm so ready to ship her off to boarding school. My oldest and 15 for reference She is constantly texting her friends about how horrible I am. She is super self centered. Makes a huge deal about staying home w the younger kids (even though most of them don't need babysitting, and self entertain well). Spends as much time as possible at her friend.
But what's really hurting, besides the slandering me, is she told me she pretends she has another mother cuz she doesn't feel like she can talk to me.
I try my best. My other kids all say I'm a great mom. I really spend my life caring for them all. I give her so much, more than my other kids
- she has her own room, went to sleepaway camp (my other kids dont), has a guitar, etc. I try to give her everything she asks for etc. I told her she can talk to me anytime about anything
She still hates me.
And I'm in so much pain from it
Rant over
Helpful advice only pls
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amother
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Tue, Sep 10 2024, 8:28 pm
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Maybe she’s just doing it to get negative attention from you. Did you try spending quality time just carving out time to spend together? Sounds like a cry for help to me.
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amother
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Tue, Sep 10 2024, 8:31 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I'm so ready to ship her off to boarding school. My oldest and 15 for reference She is constantly texting her friends about how horrible I am. She is super self centered. Makes a huge deal about staying home w the younger kids (even though most of them don't need babysitting, and self entertain well). Spends as much time as possible at her friend.
But what's really hurting, besides the slandering me, is she told me she pretends she has another mother cuz she doesn't feel like she can talk to me.
I try my best. My other kids all say I'm a great mom. I really spend my life caring for them all. I give her so much, more than my other kids
- she has her own room, went to sleepaway camp (my other kids dont), has a guitar, etc. I try to give her everything she asks for etc. I told her she can talk to me anytime about anything
She still hates me.
And I'm in so much pain from it
Rant over
Helpful advice only pls |
Read the book Running on empty no more
Sometimes itself more about how we do things and not what we do.
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amother
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Tue, Sep 10 2024, 8:31 pm
| amother Orange wrote: | | Maybe she’s just doing it to get negative attention from you. Did you try spending quality time just carving out time to spend together? Sounds like a cry for help to me. |
I do as much as I can. I have a bunch of little kids who also require my attention. We do sometimes go shopping together, watch movies together, etc. When she has free time, she prefers to hang w friends than w me.
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Frumomsi
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Tue, Sep 10 2024, 8:34 pm
You are her mom. Whether she pretends otherwise or not. I’m not sure why she has her own room, goes to camp and has a guitar when the others don’t. Did she earn those privileges? Getting things you don’t earn can have a strangely negative outcome.
Unless she has an issue that needs professional attention, I would recommend you ignore as much as possible but absolutely set down firm but fair rules and expectations. Then try your best to “catch her being good” and give her positive attention BUT only if she earns it.
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amother
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Tue, Sep 10 2024, 8:34 pm
| amother Amethyst wrote: | Read the book Running on empty no more
Sometimes itself more about how we do things and not what we do. |
Looks interesting, I'm ordering it
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amother
Steelblue
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Tue, Sep 10 2024, 8:35 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I do as much as I can. I have a bunch of little kids who also require my attention. We do sometimes go shopping together, watch movies together, etc. When she has free time, she prefers to hang w friends than w me. |
Teenagers often do prefer friends to their mom. Google it. That’s totally normal.
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boysrus
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Tue, Sep 10 2024, 8:40 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I'm so ready to ship her off to boarding school. My oldest and 15 for reference She is constantly texting her friends about how horrible I am. She is super self centered. Makes a huge deal about staying home w the younger kids (even though most of them don't need babysitting, and self entertain well). Spends as much time as possible at her friend.
But what's really hurting, besides the slandering me, is she told me she pretends she has another mother cuz she doesn't feel like she can talk to me.
I try my best. My other kids all say I'm a great mom. I really spend my life caring for them all. I give her so much, more than my other kids
- she has her own room, went to sleepaway camp (my other kids dont), has a guitar, etc. I try to give her everything she asks for etc. I told her she can talk to me anytime about anything
She still hates me.
And I'm in so much pain from it
Rant over
Helpful advice only pls |
Im so sorry oP
how long has it been like this for? Does she have any personality issues, is she a difficult person to get along with in in general, in other words , is it just her reliatonship with you , or is it with other people too? Is she a similar personality to you, or is she very different from you?
Also, does she have a lot of responsibilities at home, that maybe she is resentful of?
can you invite her to go out with you alone sometimes? to help build your relationship back again...
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amother
Stonewash
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Tue, Sep 10 2024, 8:48 pm
Semi similar child w/ few diagnosis .
Is there an underlining diagnosis ?
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amother
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Tue, Sep 10 2024, 9:04 pm
| amother Stonewash wrote: | Semi similar child w/ few diagnosis .
Is there an underlining diagnosis ? |
She sounds kind of normal but OP should work on building a better relationship with her.
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giftedmom
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Tue, Sep 10 2024, 9:09 pm
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I see myself in her. Poor kid, poor mom. I’m sure she’s in a lot of pain. It’s a tough situation all around.
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chestnut
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Tue, Sep 10 2024, 9:15 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I do as much as I can. I have a bunch of little kids who also require my attention. We do sometimes go shopping together, watch movies together, etc. When she has free time, she prefers to hang w friends than w me. |
Your last point is so normal for her age, please don't get offended.
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boat
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Tue, Sep 10 2024, 9:24 pm
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I think there's a phase where the girls need to get used to being back at home. Coming from camp where there is no structure and then arriving home to house rules, healthy food and where everything is not always main activity/trips/fun and games takes time to adjust to. I think give it a but more time to get into regular routine.
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amother
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Wed, Sep 11 2024, 4:03 am
| chestnut wrote: | | Your last point is so normal for her age, please don't get offended. |
I'm so not offended, all good
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amother
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Wed, Sep 11 2024, 4:04 am
| amother Linen wrote: | | She sounds kind of normal but OP should work on building a better relationship with her. |
I try and try and try
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amother
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Wed, Sep 11 2024, 4:04 am
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Op what was she like as a younger child?
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amother
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Wed, Sep 11 2024, 4:09 am
| amother Stonewash wrote: | Semi similar child w/ few diagnosis .
Is there an underlining diagnosis ? |
She was in therapy for a year or two. She always says she is depressed but the therapist says she does not have clinical depression and does not need meds. She graduated her from therapy (a yr ago) and my daughter says she doesnt want to see a therapist anymore. But she always says "I'm not normal"
Thought abt it all night. I want to know if she is a typical teen going thru teen stuff or if she should really be in a special program with more mental/emotional health support. Til today I always thought the first and just can't wait for her to mature and be pleasant. But now I wonder if she needs more
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amother
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Wed, Sep 11 2024, 4:13 am
Great. Wonderful. Smart, social butterfly, happy.
And she is still all of above except for happy. She has low self esteem even though I try everything to boost it. Idk if it's on purpose and trying to get negative attention or how else to boost it. She has loving family, parents, grandparents, friends. Everything she asks for. Her own phone, her own room, etc. I really try to make her happy
If you ask her she will say she is miserable, has self hate, full of shame, hates me, hates school, hates life
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amother
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Wed, Sep 11 2024, 4:17 am
| amother OP wrote: | Great. Wonderful. Smart, social butterfly, happy.
And she is still all of above except for happy. She has low self esteem even though I try everything to boost it. Idk if it's on purpose and trying to get negative attention or how else to boost it. She has loving family, parents, grandparents, friends. Everything she asks for. Her own phone, her own room, etc. I really try to make her happy
If you ask her she will say she is miserable, has self hate, full of shame, hates me, hates school, hates life |
Bullying, cyberbullying, SA?
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