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-> Vacation and Traveling
amother
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 Fri, Aug 30 2024, 12:16 pm
| amother OP wrote: | So we went on vacation. There really wasn't anything that my older kids' style anywhere near except for white water rafting that we didn't feel comfortable to do because of the recent tragedies and because of the 2 youngest.
We spent 3 days doing wholesome style things. The 2nd night and by the last day the kids were bickering and annoyed and bored. They were complaining and starting to be rude so then my DH dug his heels in and said we aren't doing anything. I recommended we go somewhere on the way home but he felt we shouldnt give in to their behavior. I was just annoyed because I knew this would be the case but he was convinced that they would enjoy it once we got there. I did try to do games and a scavenger hunt, to make things more exciting. DH talked about the different types of plants and things. We really tried but it really wasn't their thing.
I would of been happy to have been wrong.
Lesson learned. | So they lasted 2 days. That’s great! I think the lesson is that you all need to be flexible. You were flexible this round but your husband wasn’t and when the kids needed something different, he refused to change his plans. That messed things up. But if you’d been able to change tactics based on how the kids were doing it could have worked out beautifully.
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amother
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 3:19 pm
Now is the time to teach your kids to DEVELOP interest in things they aren’t interested in. Or at least cope well.
We’ve done many vacations my kids had no interest in. But I plowed on, telling them how cool I found it, with the ultimate goal of opening their eyes to things they would never do on their own. Kids should be able to handle a 3 day vacation that’s not their speed.
Curiosity, interest, self entertaining, and flexibility are crucial life skills which the parents have to teach.
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amother
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Fri, Aug 30 2024, 3:34 pm
| amother Magenta wrote: | Now is the time to teach your kids to DEVELOP interest in things they aren’t interested in. Or at least cope well.
We’ve done many vacations my kids had no interest in. But I plowed on, telling them how cool I found it, with the ultimate goal of opening their eyes to things they would never do on their own. Kids should be able to handle a 3 day vacation that’s not their speed.
Curiosity, interest, self entertaining, and flexibility are crucial life skills which the parents have to teach. |
Agree, but you have to do it wisely. If you take away their choice of vacation, you may have on hand a bunch of reticent children who will intentionally make sure not to gain interest.
If you add an extra vacation, or an extra vacation day to the trip to teach them new stuff they may be more willing to be learn.
You have to know your children. If they're generally more the cooperative type, then OPs plan may have it worked. But if the kids aren't agreeable and aren't being flexible, there is much less chance of success. You have to work with their unique characters and not force it upon at will. Chanoch L'naar al pi darko applies here too.
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ittsamother
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Sat, Aug 31 2024, 7:32 pm
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Right, doing two days of stuff they know they like and then telling them that the last day will be an exploration day to explore a different type of activity than usual and the goal is to go into it with an open mind and be a good sport about it, and it will be followed by a special supper in a yummy restaurant where they'll each report back three things they managed to enjoy, for example, would be different than completely hijacking the usual vacation they love and look forward to and turning it completely into a vacation spent doing things they don't have any interest in yet.
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amother
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Sat, Aug 31 2024, 9:21 pm
| ittsamother wrote: | | Right, doing two days of stuff they know they like and then telling them that the last day will be an exploration day to explore a different type of activity than usual and the goal is to go into it with an open mind and be a good sport about it, and it will be followed by a special supper in a yummy restaurant where they'll each report back three things they managed to enjoy, for example, would be different than completely hijacking the usual vacation they love and look forward to and turning it completely into a vacation spent doing things they don't have any interest in yet. |
I hear. But something isn’t sitting right with me. I don’t think compensating for “doing something the kids don’t like” is the right approach.
OP when you say lesson learned I agree, but I think it’s a different lesson. I think the lesson is that it’s not ok that your kids had such a hard time coping here. ESPECIALLY bc you’ve given them such exciting trips there should be some openness to going with your husband’s idea of a good trip.
I don’t think you should be backing your kids up, I think you also should be more open to what your husband envisions. He went with your ideas it seems for a few years, during which you got your kids used to more exciting things, now it’s on you to deal with your kids attitudes.
Kids brains aren’t fully wired. They can be required to enjoy something else if you’re dedicated to that goal.
Good for you for making family trips a priority.
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ittsamother
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Sat, Aug 31 2024, 9:25 pm
| amother Magenta wrote: | I hear. But something isn’t sitting right with me. I don’t think compensating for “doing something the kids don’t like” is the right approach.
OP when you say lesson learned I agree, but I think it’s a different lesson. I think the lesson is that it’s not ok that your kids had such a hard time coping here. ESPECIALLY bc you’ve given them such exciting trips there should be some openness to going with your husband’s idea of a good trip.
I don’t think you should be backing your kids up, I think you also should be more open to what your husband envisions. He went with your ideas it seems for a few years, during which you got your kids used to more exciting things, now it’s on you to deal with your kids attitudes.
Kids brains aren’t fully wired. They can be required to enjoy something else if you’re dedicated to that goal.
Good for you for making family trips a priority. |
I wouldn't have said it's compensating for something the kids don't like. It's "we need to teach the kids how to be flexible and learn to enjoy things even if it's not their ideal way to have fun. What's the best way to introduce this concept and make it enjoyable for them instead of feeling like a drag?" Same way you'd rather go with a reward chart to teach your kid how to go to bed nicely for example, this is a motivational tool to help them be excited for this lesson you'd like them to learn.
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amother
Orchid
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Sat, Aug 31 2024, 9:25 pm
| amother Brass wrote: | | My kids bicker even when do things like amusement parks and museum… |
Mine bicker (and worse!) even at home….going away doesn’t change that. Maybe at most for a day or two.
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chestnut
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Sat, Aug 31 2024, 9:29 pm
| amother Magenta wrote: | Now is the time to teach your kids to DEVELOP interest in things they aren’t interested in. Or at least cope well.
We’ve done many vacations my kids had no interest in. But I plowed on, telling them how cool I found it, with the ultimate goal of opening their eyes to things they would never do on their own. Kids should be able to handle a 3 day vacation that’s not their speed.
Curiosity, interest, self entertaining, and flexibility are crucial life skills which the parents have to teach. |
What exactly is the point of a 3 day vacation style the kids hate or have no interest in? Especially if there are teens involved. Should vacation be enjoyable by all at least some days?
The answer is probably doing a combination of the father's and kids' styles. The father stupidly dug his heels in to do any activity kids liked. Is he happy how the vacation turned out?
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amother
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Sat, Aug 31 2024, 10:29 pm
| amother OP wrote: | So we went on vacation. There really wasn't anything that my older kids' style anywhere near except for white water rafting that we didn't feel comfortable to do because of the recent tragedies and because of the 2 youngest.
We spent 3 days doing wholesome style things. The 2nd night and by the last day the kids were bickering and annoyed and bored. They were complaining and starting to be rude so then my DH dug his heels in and said we aren't doing anything. I recommended we go somewhere on the way home but he felt we shouldnt give in to their behavior. I was just annoyed because I knew this would be the case but he was convinced that they would enjoy it once we got there. I did try to do games and a scavenger hunt, to make things more exciting. DH talked about the different types of plants and things. We really tried but it really wasn't their thing.
I would of been happy to have been wrong.
Lesson learned. |
It’s only three says and if they spent the entire summer apart, of course it would take them some time to get used to being with one another again. Actually I don’t see anything unexpected happening. Boredom in nature is wholesome even if they complain about it. There is no value in constantly keeping them entertained and „happy“. They should learn to just be.
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amother
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Sat, Aug 31 2024, 10:31 pm
| amother Periwinkle wrote: | Agree, but you have to do it wisely. If you take away their choice of vacation, you may have on hand a bunch of reticent children who will intentionally make sure not to gain interest.
If you add an extra vacation, or an extra vacation day to the trip to teach them new stuff they may be more willing to be learn.
You have to know your children. If they're generally more the cooperative type, then OPs plan may have it worked. But if the kids aren't agreeable and aren't being flexible, there is much less chance of success. You have to work with their unique characters and not force it upon at will. Chanoch L'naar al pi darko applies here too. |
It’s literally 3 days after the whole summer in camps that only cater to their gender age interests.
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amother
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Sat, Aug 31 2024, 10:34 pm
| amother Magenta wrote: | I hear. But something isn’t sitting right with me. I don’t think compensating for “doing something the kids don’t like” is the right approach.
OP when you say lesson learned I agree, but I think it’s a different lesson. I think the lesson is that it’s not ok that your kids had such a hard time coping here. ESPECIALLY bc you’ve given them such exciting trips there should be some openness to going with your husband’s idea of a good trip.
I don’t think you should be backing your kids up, I think you also should be more open to what your husband envisions. He went with your ideas it seems for a few years, during which you got your kids used to more exciting things, now it’s on you to deal with your kids attitudes.
Kids brains aren’t fully wired. They can be required to enjoy something else if you’re dedicated to that goal.
Good for you for making family trips a priority. |
I agree what her dh suggested is wholesome and good for the kids even if it’s not a modern version of fun for kids. That’s davka the reason why it’s important.
It’s an avocado toast for their brain and soul as opposed to chips and soda.
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amother
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Sat, Aug 31 2024, 10:39 pm
| chestnut wrote: | What exactly is the point of a 3 day vacation style the kids hate or have no interest in? Especially if there are teens involved. Should vacation be enjoyable by all at least some days?
The answer is probably doing a combination of the father's and kids' styles. The father stupidly dug his heels in to do any activity kids liked. Is he happy how the vacation turned out? |
Is the point in anything constant entertainment and „keeping kids happy“?
While the bar of happy is rising higher and higher? Really if they had things in camp described in the other threads, they definitely needed detox. and change of pace.
I am sure it did them well even if it didn’t feel like that at the moment. They were having withdrawal symptoms after being on emotional high from the camp.
And OP should have sided with her dh more instead of looking for ways how he was wrong.
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DrMom
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Sat, Aug 31 2024, 10:41 pm
| amother OP wrote: | So we went on vacation. There really wasn't anything that my older kids' style anywhere near except for white water rafting that we didn't feel comfortable to do because of the recent tragedies and because of the 2 youngest.
We spent 3 days doing wholesome style things. The 2nd night and by the last day the kids were bickering and annoyed and bored. They were complaining and starting to be rude so then my DH dug his heels in and said we aren't doing anything. I recommended we go somewhere on the way home but he felt we shouldnt give in to their behavior. I was just annoyed because I knew this would be the case but he was convinced that they would enjoy it once we got there. I did try to do games and a scavenger hunt, to make things more exciting. DH talked about the different types of plants and things. We really tried but it really wasn't their thing.
I would of been happy to have been wrong.
Lesson learned. |
Honestly, in this post and throughout the entire thread, it sounds to me like you are not so subtly siding with your kids against your husband and you are relishing in the "I told you so" moment. And your kids can pick up on that.
IMO, kids who cannot cope with a little nature for 3 measly days after a whole summer of stimulating camp activities are kind of bratty.
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amother
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Sat, Aug 31 2024, 10:43 pm
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I'd say it's the opposite. There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with the trip. The problem is that the kids were given artificial kids attractions kind of fun for years so now they're numb to real experiences.
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amother
RosePink
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Sat, Aug 31 2024, 10:54 pm
| chestnut wrote: | | What exactly is the point of a 3 day vacation style the kids hate or have no interest in? Especially if there are teens involved. Should vacation be enjoyable by all at least some days? |
Maybe they should be thankful that they even get to vacation. When you grow up, life doesn’t necessarily serve what you “want”. You have to take what there is most times. So much for learning skills on that.
I agree that it’s too bad the father caved in
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amother
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Sat, Aug 31 2024, 10:56 pm
| DrMom wrote: | | Honestly, in this post and throughout the entire thread, it sounds to me like you are not so subtly siding with your kids against your husband and you are relishing in the "I told you so" moment. And your kids can pick up on that. |
Relishing. That’s the tone in her update post. It struck me too.
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amother
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Sat, Aug 31 2024, 10:59 pm
The issue is not that you took them on a more laid-back type trip.
The issue is that you spoiled them rotten with over-the-top trips for 14 years and set that as the expectation.
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amother
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Sat, Aug 31 2024, 11:03 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Lol. They always bicker. I was referring to them being bored and bickering about not wanting to do anything and upset about what we were doing. It was ok for a day but after that they were completely disinterested. |
Would they have been happier staying home?
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amother
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Sun, Sep 01 2024, 6:01 am
| amother Aqua wrote: | | Would they have been happier staying home? |
This. Packing up as a family & sleeping over at a different house or hotel is already a privilege. My kids would've been thrilled just to explore the house for a day & sleep over.
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amother
Petunia
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Sun, Sep 01 2024, 6:26 am
| amother Cyan wrote: | | I'd say it's the opposite. There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with the trip. The problem is that the kids were given artificial kids attractions kind of fun for years so now they're numb to real experiences. |
Yes, I'd be concerned if it was my kids behaving this way.
If yo officially put an end to crazy style vacations, you're kids will start looking forward to a real wholesome style vacation.
We do lots of hikes, playing in waterfountains, streams, sprinklers, a museum, parks, cable cars, boating and biking. Soft play and ball pool. Oh, and a petting zoo.
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