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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
amother
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 Tue, Aug 27 2024, 5:35 pm
Okay OP. I think we all understand that you won't allow lenses.
The question becomes one of parenting only then.
This is my opinion on the parenting alone... Leave it be. You bought her glasses. She has options. Don't mention it again. Let time take it's course.
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amother
Vanilla
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 5:43 pm
Hi OP,
I dont know where you live but I have my contacts covered through medicaid.
If your DD has a real poor eyesight or 2 different numbers it can be covered.
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 6:28 pm
| amother Cantaloupe wrote: | | Since when are contacts a basic necessity. They're not. The 14 yr old needs to see, her mother got her the basic necessity needed in order to allow for that, and somehow that's not good enough, for absolutely no good reason. She absolutely must go some other route or else her child will go off the derech, hate her, and never forgive her. My gosh. My parents told me no to many requests of mine, and I still love and cherish them and spend plenty of time with them. And yeah, at the time I felt my request was very very important and an absolute must, and somehow I got over it with our relationship intact. Contacts are not the be all and end all, there's absolutely nothing wrong with glasses, and nothing will happen if a girl wears glasses in high school or beyond. OP has been very clear that pleeeenty of girls wear glasses at her daughter's school. It's honestly not some social catastrophe. Teens are not some faint delicate creature who will self-destruct if they're not doing the "in" thing in every single area. It's ok to learn how to own your appearance and be fine with yourself. There are plenty of teens managing just fine in way, WAY harder life situations so wearing glasses instead of contacts is not some horror a parent is inflicting on their poor child. Honestly, telling someone they're wrecking their entire relationship cuz they got their kid beautiful glasses and won't also get them lenses? Puh-leeze. |
Thank you for being a voice of reason.
My daughter did not request contacts. If you reread this thread you can see how one exaggerated response built upon another until it became a broken telephone game.
I am judged as rigid for the one single solitary issue that I asked about. There are dozens of other things between a mother and daughter, and I was judged on one.
Never mind. I will figure out with a therapist how to help my daughter deal with change.
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 6:33 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Thank you for being a voice of reason.
My daughter did not request contacts. If you reread this thread you can see how one exaggerated response built upon another until it became a broken telephone game.
I am judged as rigid for the one single solitary issue that I asked about. There are dozens of other things between a mother and daughter, and I was judged on one.
Never mind. I will figure out with a therapist how to help my daughter deal with change. |
If you bought contacts for your daughter, would she wear them?
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 6:38 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Thank you for being a voice of reason.
My daughter did not request contacts. If you reread this thread you can see how one exaggerated response built upon another until it became a broken telephone game.
I am judged as rigid for the one single solitary issue that I asked about. There are dozens of other things between a mother and daughter, and I was judged on one.
Never mind. I will figure out with a therapist how to help my daughter deal with change. |
You said in your first post that contacts are not an option and that you refuse to buy them. Which implies that she asked for them but you refuse.
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 6:42 pm
Whatever the case is, tell your daughter she gotta pick glasses or contacts.
End of story.
Close thread.
This thread is getting ridiculous maybe it’s time for it to be locked ?
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 6:45 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Thank you for being a voice of reason.
My daughter did not request contacts. If you reread this thread you can see how one exaggerated response built upon another until it became a broken telephone game.
I am judged as rigid for the one single solitary issue that I asked about. There are dozens of other things between a mother and daughter, and I was judged on one.
Never mind. I will figure out with a therapist how to help my daughter deal with change. |
I think you're being unfair to us all. Your OP clearly stated that 'contacts is not an option'. In laymens terms that means that you are refusing to accept it as valid option and are not giving it it's due consideration.
We aren't mind readers, nor do we know what's going on in your home. If your daughter is refusing both contacts and glasses, and you would have explicitly stated it as such, the replies would have been totally different.
Also, if we were going down the wrong path, why didn't you correct us from the start. A simple clarification would have changed the course of the thread. You let it go on and on for pages, responded along the way, and never bothered to clear up any confusion. Why?
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 6:53 pm
| amother Puce wrote: | I think you're being unfair to us all. Your OP clearly stated that 'contacts is not an option'. In laymens terms that means that you are refusing to accept it as valid option and are not giving it it's due consideration.
We aren't mind readers, nor do we know what's going on in your home. If your daughter is refusing both contacts and glasses, and you would have explicitly stated it as such, the replies would have been totally different.
Also, if we were going down the wrong path, why didn't you correct us from the start. A simple clarification would have changed the course of the thread. You let it go on and on for pages, responded along the way, and never bothered to clear up any confusion. Why? |
Obviously her daughter does want contacts. It's obvious from all her responses, that she made it clear to her daughter that it's not an option due to budget constraints.
If she didn't ask, it's because she knew she would get a no.
If the daughter doesn't want either, OP would have said so, not keep on going on about whims. Come on, OP. Your post is just disingenuous.
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 6:56 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Thank you for being a voice of reason.
My daughter did not request contacts. If you reread this thread you can see how one exaggerated response built upon another until it became a broken telephone game.
I am judged as rigid for the one single solitary issue that I asked about. There are dozens of other things between a mother and daughter, and I was judged on one.
Never mind. I will figure out with a therapist how to help my daughter deal with change. |
This is actually funny.
There is ONE poster who sides with OP, and at least 50 against. And SHE is the lone voice of reason. Why? Because she sided with OP. That's pretty rich.
Sorry, OP, the more you post, the more obvious it gets that you need help. I hope you get it for your sake and your daughter's sake.
(As an aside, people are not judging you for one thing. Your posts made your attitude towards your daughter pretty clear. It's really not about the lenses. And I'm truly happy to hear there is a therapist in the picture. )
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 6:59 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Thank you for being a voice of reason.
My daughter did not request contacts. If you reread this thread you can see how one exaggerated response built upon another until it became a broken telephone game.
I am judged as rigid for the one single solitary issue that I asked about. There are dozens of other things between a mother and daughter, and I was judged on one.
Never mind. I will figure out with a therapist how to help my daughter deal with change. |
Your daughter didn’t request them yet her issue is how she looks maybe offer them to her.
The bolded is laughable. Its amazing you would rather go to a therapist then try a simple solution that so many here are suggesting. Your daughter is not the one that needs help it is clear that you are. And by the way people are not judging based on one parenting decision they are judging based on all your replies to this thread. Maybe show it to your therapist hopefully she can help you learn to take another person’s perspective. Your poor daughter I really truly pity her.
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 7:14 pm
| amother Darkblue wrote: | Your daughter didn’t request them yet her issue is how she looks maybe offer them to her.
The bolded is laughable. Its amazing you would rather go to a therapist then try a simple solution that so many here are suggesting. Your daughter is not the one that needs help it is clear that you are. And by the way people are not judging based on one parenting decision they are judging based on all your replies to this thread. Maybe show it to your therapist hopefully she can help you learn to take another person’s perspective. Your poor daughter I really truly pity her. |
I don't know if others feel like me, but I wish there was a way we could communicate with the OP's daughter and tell her that we are rooting for her and sympathize with her.
It must be hard living with a mother like this.
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amother
Mint
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 7:18 pm
These posts are so invalidating to someone without financial breathing room
Maybe she has a therapist on insurance but cannot get contact lenses covered by insurance
Life when money is tight is extremely stressful
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 7:18 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Maybe in your neighborhood. My daughter's good friends wear glasses every day. |
I agree with this. My oldest dd (in her mid 20s) basically only wore glasses throughout high school and plenty of kids in her class did as well.
Ultimately, I think it is hard to only own lenses. If your dd gets an eye infection ch"v, or even just has irritated eyes, it's good to have the glasses as a backup.
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 7:21 pm
| amother Watermelon wrote: | | Contact lenses are NOT a luxury. They are a necessity. It's like saying that you refuse to buy your daughter sanitary pads. |
This is not only absurd, but also mean to the OP.
OP: pay no attention to this post.
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 7:25 pm
Way too many posts to wade through, but in case no one else said this: OP did not just buy the cheapest pair of glasses in the store. She bought a really nice pair and her dd was there at the time! OP did nothing wrong and yes, if dd wants to see, she will have to wear them. Lenses may not be a luxury like they were 50 or 60 years ago, but they are not a necessity.
I personally have never spent a few hundred dollars on anyone in my family's glasses, so they must be designer and very nice. 14-year-olds also have to take some responsibility. She was okay with them in the store - so she has to wear them. The issue can be revisited next year.
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 7:26 pm
| amother Crystal wrote: | | And if many people are telling you that it's a necessity and not a luxury you need to brainstorm even more. Maybe open a lenses registry here. |
No. It means that in your world and in the world of those imas they are a necessity. They are not a necessity in OP's world.
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amother
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 7:27 pm
| amother Ghostwhite wrote: | | Right now u may be winning the battle but the ultimate goal is to win the war. You are being so insistant on no contacts. Have you looked into how much they cost?? I mean she’s a young teen that will want to switch out her glasses yearly bc the style changes and that’s the norm for girls only wearing glasses. I suggest you reevaluate why you are so stubborn about not buying lenses |
Spoken by someone who unlikely has to live within a strict budget. In my world, just because my teen wants something and lots of people in her class get something, doesnt mean she gets it.
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notshanarishona
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 7:30 pm
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It really bothers me when people use another to criticize op. Don’t be a coward, write your opinion only if you aren’t embarrassed to stand by it
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keym
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 7:30 pm
| amother Nemesia wrote: | Way too many posts to wade through, but in case no one else said this: OP did not just buy the cheapest pair of glasses in the store. She bought a really nice pair and her dd was there at the time! OP did nothing wrong and yes, if dd wants to see, she will have to wear them. Lenses may not be a luxury like they were 50 or 60 years ago, but they are not a necessity.
I personally have never spent a few hundred dollars on anyone in my family's glasses, so they must be designer and very nice. 14-year-olds also have to take some responsibility. She was okay with them in the store - so she has to wear them. The issue can be revisited next year. |
She's taking responsibility.
By choosing to not wear them. OP can decide not to buy contacts. But there is no way she can force her daughter to wear them.
So what are OP's choices? Duct tape them to her face? Let her go around blind? Or buy her contacts?
Sure, in an ideal world the DD "should" just wear them. But she's being stubborn because she's a 14 year old teen and won't wear them.
So now what?
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notshanarishona
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Tue, Aug 27 2024, 7:30 pm
| amother Begonia wrote: | I don't know if others feel like me, but I wish there was a way we could communicate with the OP's daughter and tell her that we are rooting for her and sympathize with her.
It must be hard living with a mother like this. |
I am not Op but this is incredibly insensitive and rude
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