Refusing to wear glasses

amother

↑ Milk ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:19 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thank you all. In my first post I said specifically that lenses are not an option.
Any other ideas?

Ask Her about the pair eyewear.
You have 30 day free trial and it’s much cheaper than one pair of glasses. She can choose however many toppers you allow her to. (So she’ll feel like she has many options to go with her shabbos clothes. Or clothes when there’s no school)

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:21 pm

amother Crystal wrote:

You claim your daughter is stubborn. May I suggest you may be stubborn as well? You need to be more understanding to a self conscious teen. You are putting her through shame whether you feel this way or not. Please treat it as if glasses are not an option, just like you want us to think that lenses are not an option.

I am pretty stubborn about not buying things I cannot afford, true.

I can talk to the school guidance counselor for advice.
I can sign her up for insurance covered therapy to talk about social issues.
I can not allow her to learn for a driver's permit until she wears her glasses.
I can see if insurance covers a pair of glasses that she likes better.
But I cannot buy her lenses.

amother

↑ Crystal ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

And if many people are telling you that it's a necessity and not a luxury you need to brainstorm even more. Maybe open a lenses registry here.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:28 pm

amother OP wrote:

Why would you be willing to get more glasses but not lenses? Pay for therapy but not for contacts? Maybe find out what your insurance would cover for contacts?

amother

Cantaloupe ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:29 pm

Omg what world are we living in now where glasses are embarrassing?? Glasses?? What in the world. What is wrong with teens?? Glasses are a basic fact of life. This is just sad already.

OP, if she wants to struggle and not see, that's up to her, let her go ahead and do that. You provided the thing she needs, if she refuses to utilize them that's on her. If you bought her regular shoes that are a normal thing to wear and she decided the shoes are embarrassing and insisted she won't wear them and chooses to go to school in her socks, that would be her choice as well.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 7:46 pm

amother Cantaloupe wrote:

Apparently you and I live in the same world.
Any amount of people telling me lenses are a necessity, does not convince me.
If she needed braces (she does), I would get her braces (I did). If she thought they were embarrassing it doesn't entitle her to the newest removable braces.
If she needed a hearing aid, I would get her that (she doesn't).
If she needed some kind of cast or brace or appliance, I would get that for her.
She does not need lenses. She has glasses.

amother

Ghostwhite ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 8:03 pm

Right now u may be winning the battle but the ultimate goal is to win the war. You are being so insistant on no contacts. Have you looked into how much they cost?? I mean she’s a young teen that will want to switch out her glasses yearly bc the style changes and that’s the norm for girls only wearing glasses. I suggest you reevaluate why you are so stubborn about not buying lenses

amother

↑ Crystal ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 8:31 pm

amother Ghostwhite wrote:

This

amother

↑ Watermelon ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 8:52 pm

amother OP wrote:

No many people do not change their glasses yearly according to style. It goes based on need. Prescription change, broken frames, scratched lenses, size adjustment, something like that. Glasses can last a good 3-4 or more years.

Most people that wear glasses 24/7, definitely do get new glasses more often then every 3-4 years.
You're really not being reasonable with your daughter. You can't force her to wear the same pair of glasses for 3-4 years, and refuse to get her contacts. That is pretty controlling of a parent to do.
When you got her the current pair of expensive glasses, is that what she wanted? Did she agree then that she'd wear it?
Contact lenses are really not expensive & I cannot fathom a parent refusing to get them for their children.

amother

↑ Lawngreen ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 8:54 pm

OP, it's not about spoiling her or doing what the Jones's do. And I don't advocate either, nor being irresponsible financially.

If your daughter wants to feel & look good according to herself and her opinion is that glasses are "four eyes" and inside she doesn't want to show that brainy nerdy part of herself to the world in that way at this geeky awkward age ...

I suggest you reevaluate where lenses fall out in your hierarchy of needs. There is a healthy social need of feeling like you look good. To her it could be like walking around with frizzy hair all out of place, or like unshaven legs, all she might want is to look nice and feel good about it.

Is she pushing you for fancy stuff like name brands and constant fads, is she? Or buying stuff because others have it? If she is solid, I would encourage you to try and be open minded enough to understand where she is coming from.

Because maybe if you can walk in her shoes for a minute, you might figure out a good way to handle this, after all, you know her & we don't.

But if no one here understands you, maybe either explain the situation better or consider that although you keep saying you can't afford it, one message you might accidentally be sending to us is , actually you won't for more than the financial reasons and you won't share those reasons here.

So we can have this conversation and maybe talking it out will help you and maybe it won't.

There is force, punishment & bribery. There is nothing else after you have clearly already tried a lot to talk sense to her. All of these are really poor decisions for your relationship. All have negative consequences. If you will not allow lenses to happen there is great wisdom in letting it go and be and let it sort itself out without your involvement. I hope you can hear that. Sometimes inaction is the best action.

amother

Cognac ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 9:18 pm

OP, I was similar to your daughter. Hated how I looked in glasses. I went a good few years not seeing well, had no idea what my teachers faces looked like, etc. I would sometimes use them just to see the whiteboard for a few seconds and take them off.

The summer after 9th grade I got contacts (my mother was not happy about it) and I was finally able to see. I may have paid for them myself, I don't remember. I would wear monthly's.

Fast forward a couple years after High-school, I switched from contacts to glasses. I find it easier and don't mind the look.

OP, a teenager feeling self-conscious about her looks is real. Likely nothing you do will change her mind unless she happens to find a gorgeous pair and she decides she looks good in it. Maybe she can go with a friend to choose.

Otherwise, contact lenses. If she has insurance they may pay for some of it. (Not if you already used it on glasses). This is not a battle you will win.

amother

↑ Cognac

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 9:24 pm

amother OP wrote:

At that age my prescription went up every year and I needed a new pair. Same for my siblings.

amother

Offwhite

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 9:50 pm

I wear glasses, never wanted lenses. But girls started wearing lenses in seventh grade. By 11 grade most girls had lenses.

Also is she starting high school now? Its a big adjustment and she might be nervous to be different.

My insurance pays for new glasses every two yrs so that is how often I get them. Sometimes more often if they break.

I would suggest getting one thing of lenses. She’ll try it see how amazing it is to actually see and she might decide she’d rather wear glasses.

I know for myself if I’m not wearing glasses I have headaches, dizzy, the world is a blur. My prescription is 5.00

amother

↑ Begonia ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 9:56 pm

Op, it sounds like this is a power struggle between you and your daughter and you won't give in on principle.

Why don't you go visit her school and take a look at how many girls are wearing glasses? If she is the only one, you may be a bit unfair, foisting your principles on her.
Choose another area to fight with her about.
. If she doesn't get the latest fad handbag, nothing will happen. But now she isn't seeing.
Her choices riight now is either to be humiliated in front of her peers or to be blind. Way to go giving her that binary choice.