Stopped for my own good - vent

amother

Carnation

Wed, Aug 07 2024, 10:25 pm

She does what brings her joy! She likes this stuff, she earns a little money showing it off so she is doing it!
You are not her. Your kids are meant to have you as their mother, not her. If Hashem thought your kids needed a mother like that, He would have given them a mother like that. Sit with yourself and find what brings you joy in motherhood, how do you best connect with your kids, what kinds of things fill you up to do with your kids instead of deplete you and focus on those.

amother

Gold

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 1:33 am

amother OP wrote:

I stopped following a certain frum person because I was constantly seeing her actively spend time with her two kids. She would read to them and teach her older child the English alphabet take them out to fun places like the gym or the zoo, and currently she's teaching her kids about different countries. Her toddler speaks in phrases that my own toddler can't. I struggle so much to read to my children and actually sit down with them and play a card game with them, no less teaching them about a different country and culture!! I WISH I had that kind of energy, MONEY, and devotion she does. I wish I wasn't constantly comparing my kids to her kids. It actually made me sad and anxious to the point where I was literally thinking that there's something wrong with my kids because they're not so "smart", which was extremely stupid of me. I spoke with my pediatrician about this and she said I have nothing to worry about. But still. The more I saw all these hands on activities- baking, sensory play, card games, fun outings, puzzles- from this person, the more horrible I felt as a parent because maaaaaybe I SHOULD be doing all those activities and my kids would've been just as "smart". Because it was weighing me down as a mother, I decided to unfollow her. I know that my kids are the way they are meant to be and I am naturally an introvert and love to spend time alone. I also have some ADHD which interferes with my ability to be with my kids. That is the harm of these stay at home influencer mothers. You find yourself constantly comparing from the snippets of her life to your imperfect life. I'm glad I did. I feel like a huge stone rolled off my chest once I did.

"This is the harm of these stay at home influencer mothers". I would rephrase that to "this is the harm in comparing oneself to others. These stay at home influencer mothers don't harm me because I don't care what they do. Change needs to come from within.

amother

Obsidian

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 2:45 am

I uninstalled instagram on Tisha bav last year.
While there are a few things I miss , overall I know I am doing better not having a view into other people’s lives . I never told anyone I got rid of it (till now on imamother lol, therefore I’m “amother”) . This action of getting rid of my Instagram has made me a more satisfied person and has given me more time in my day. It is one of the things I know I will be proud of Above after 120.

amother

Honeysuckle

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 6:33 am

I feel bad that her content is making you feel bad.
Her posts seem really fake to me, or at least extremely unattainable to most people. She also contradicts herself regularly.
I feel bad for her kids. Every time mommy plays with them there’s a camera.
They are also recognized and might be spoken to by strangers in the street, even though she doesn’t show her son’s face anymore. She says she still shows her daughter’s face because babies change, but that’s not true.
In general she’s a big faker, you can hear it in her voice. These things are just 1-2 minutes of her whole day. It’s a show. It’s not real life.
I’m not even sure how beneficial it is for a five year old to learn geography. Kids this age just need to play, and kids of all ages need downtime after school.
Kids also need to play a lot without their parents interfering.
I unfollowed her a long time ago.
Surround yourself with people who do stuff you enjoy too!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 11:45 am

amother Obsidian wrote:

Yea. I did a big clean up recently.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 11:52 am

amother Honeysuckle wrote:

Maybe because her stories were the first thing I saw. 🙃 what 5 year old needs to learn about italy and its foods and culture? Her son knows how to trace English letters and my own 5 year old can't even color within the lines no matter how much I demonstrate on my own paper😅. I was constantly "reminded" how I can't do all these things with my kids. I chose to just keep my following list limited to family, friends, and Jewish pages.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 15 2024, 11:52 am

amother Winterberry wrote:

Agreed. I admire a lot about her and I love how she engages her kids and comes up with creative activities but in my own personal opinion it’s a bit excessive. It’s ok, and actually good, for kids to be bored a little bit. A 2 hour car ride can be spent looking out the window, looking at a few books and kvetching. It shouldn’t necessitate 10 projects and activities.

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