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-> Parenting our children
amother
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 Thu, Aug 08 2024, 4:19 pm
I’m pulling out my hair.
My 13 month old goes down beautifully for naps. I nurse her right before bed and then she will go in great.
However. She is sooo sensitive. She sleeps with a sibling in the room. So if that kid opens the door to get something or go to the bathroom and she’s not fast asleep yet, she screams and screams and won’t calm down and go back to sleep unless I nurse her again. This can be twenty min after I just nursed annd put her down. And she will scream for hours after that. I don’t sleep train but I tried letting her cry bec I am losing it. And I feel terrible doing it and it doesn’t even work. I tried going in there and staying with her, holding her and rubbing her back but she just screams and. Screams until I’m going insane and finally nurse her after a few hours. This went on last night for 3-4 hours until I finally gave in and nursed her. Last night it was bec my older kid slammed a door next to hers. Tonight the kid who sleeps I. Her room realized she forgot to use the bathroom and left the room to go. (Yes there is a sound machine) And now she’s screaming again and I’m going to lose it.
Side point is she still wakes up in middle of the night sometimes to nurse which I’m in with I just nurse quickly and put her back down. But this I’m not ok with. There have been nights that she started screaming 10 minutes after being out to bed at 6:30-7 and continued until 10-11 pm.
I know she’s not hungry. She eats very well. Also many nights she goes straight to sleep bec she’s uninterrupted and is totally fine and sleeps for hours.
I’m happy to hear any advice, but I’m not going to do sleep training.
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chocpretzel
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Thu, Aug 08 2024, 4:39 pm
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Have you tried using a sound machine?
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amother
Winterberry
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Thu, Aug 08 2024, 4:52 pm
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Suuuuper frustrating and annoying but I would probably just go right back in and nurse her back to sleep. And do whatever I could to impress on the family that they need to be SILENT for that half hour after you put her down.
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cupcake123
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Thu, Aug 08 2024, 4:58 pm
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I don't have the same setup but same that she will only go back to sleep nursing . It's super hard
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amother
Oak
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Thu, Aug 08 2024, 5:31 pm
I've been cosleeping with my now 10 month old for 4 months for this reason. She wakes me up, I latch her on, and I go right back to sleep.
Best sleep I've had since she was born. I do plan to sleep train her eventually since kd really like my bed back.
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amother
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Thu, Aug 08 2024, 5:36 pm
| amother Oak wrote: | I've been cosleeping with my now 10 month old for 4 months for this reason. She wakes me up, I latch her on, and I go right back to sleep.
Best sleep I've had since she was born. I do plan to sleep train her eventually since kd really like my bed back. |
I have a house full of kids. I can’t get into bed with her at bedtime…
But also go sleeping totally doesn’t work for my kids. They don’t like it they can’t get comfortable lol. They take after me. I can’t handle anyone in my bed
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amother
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Thu, Aug 08 2024, 5:36 pm
| chocpretzel wrote: | | Have you tried using a sound machine? |
Yes! I think I put it in the op!
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tichellady
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Thu, Aug 08 2024, 5:40 pm
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Have you tried a sleep tent so it’s dark and less disruptive for her
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amother
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Thu, Aug 08 2024, 5:45 pm
| tichellady wrote: | | Have you tried a sleep tent so it’s dark and less disruptive for her |
Yes this could actually work. Then she wouldn’t see sibling come into the room.
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bsy
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Thu, Aug 08 2024, 5:54 pm
| amother Obsidian wrote: | | Yes this could actually work. Then she wouldn’t see sibling come into the room. |
I use a sleep tent when on vacation and sharing a room with my toddler. It works very well but I am still careful to be quiet. I use a sound machine also
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amother
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Thu, Aug 08 2024, 6:49 pm
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The room is dark (shades) and we have a sound machine. Shes just very very sensitive. It sounds funny but she senses stuff very acutely
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amother
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Thu, Aug 08 2024, 6:53 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I’m pulling out my hair.
My 13 month old goes down beautifully for naps. I nurse her right before bed and then she will go in great.
However. She is sooo sensitive. She sleeps with a sibling in the room. So if that kid opens the door to get something or go to the bathroom and she’s not fast asleep yet, she screams and screams and won’t calm down and go back to sleep unless I nurse her again. This can be twenty min after I just nursed annd put her down. And she will scream for hours after that. I don’t sleep train but I tried letting her cry bec I am losing it. And I feel terrible doing it and it doesn’t even work. I tried going in there and staying with her, holding her and rubbing her back but she just screams and. Screams until I’m going insane and finally nurse her after a few hours. This went on last night for 3-4 hours until I finally gave in and nursed her. Last night it was bec my older kid slammed a door next to hers. Tonight the kid who sleeps I. Her room realized she forgot to use the bathroom and left the room to go. (Yes there is a sound machine) And now she’s screaming again and I’m going to lose it.
Side point is she still wakes up in middle of the night sometimes to nurse which I’m in with I just nurse quickly and put her back down. But this I’m not ok with. There have been nights that she started screaming 10 minutes after being out to bed at 6:30-7 and continued until 10-11 pm.
I know she’s not hungry. She eats very well. Also many nights she goes straight to sleep bec she’s uninterrupted and is totally fine and sleeps for hours.
I’m happy to hear any advice, but I’m not going to do sleep training. |
It’s hard but just nurse her right away.
Why are you having her cry for hours? Poor baby.
If you don’t nurse her always give her milk or water in a sippy cup.
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amother
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Thu, Aug 08 2024, 6:54 pm
| tichellady wrote: | | Have you tried a sleep tent so it’s dark and less disruptive for her |
No those sleep tents are abusive.
Don’t use them.
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amother
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Thu, Aug 08 2024, 6:55 pm
| amother Winterberry wrote: | | Suuuuper frustrating and annoying but I would probably just go right back in and nurse her back to sleep. And do whatever I could to impress on the family that they need to be SILENT for that half hour after you put her down. |
This. Just nurse her back to sleep. It’s very annoying though so I get your frustration.
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mummiedearest
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Thu, Aug 08 2024, 7:03 pm
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Can you put her crib in your room for the period after bedtime until the house is quiet? Then roll the crib back to her room? It sounds like her location just won’t do it for her until she’s a bit older.
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amother
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Thu, Aug 08 2024, 7:13 pm
| amother Dodgerblue wrote: | It’s hard but just nurse her right away.
Why are you having her cry for hours? Poor baby.
If you don’t nurse her always give her milk or water in a sippy cup. |
Of course I didn’t have her cry for hours!! I mean that the whole process went on for hours. Most of it was me holding her, patting her back, trying to get her back to sleep. I tried water etc. eventually I nursed. I was just trying not to nurse like 20 min after I just nursed a full good nursing.
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amother
Oleander
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Thu, Aug 08 2024, 7:21 pm
When your child wakes up in the middle of the night, crying, and you feed her, you're essentially teaching her that when she cries, eventually you nurse her. And she does not have the skills to put herself to sleep. So oc she screams until she's being nursed because she does not know that she's only been out for 20 minutes as opposed to 3 hours.
You keep saying that you refuse to sleep train but you obviously have no idea what it actually is. Because it's not abuse. Or bad. It just means that you using some sort of method, of your choice, and following it through night after night to help your child learn how to put themselves back to sleep so that they don't keep needing someone else's help.
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tichellady
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Thu, Aug 08 2024, 7:25 pm
What in the world??? Why would a sleep tent intended to help a baby not be woken by her siblings all night be abusive??? Babies can’t wear sleep masks, this is a better option for a light sleeper
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amother
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Thu, Aug 08 2024, 7:50 pm
| amother Oleander wrote: | When your child wakes up in the middle of the night, crying, and you feed her, you're essentially teaching her that when she cries, eventually you nurse her. And she does not have the skills to put herself to sleep. So oc she screams until she's being nursed because she does not know that she's only been out for 20 minutes as opposed to 3 hours.
You keep saying that you refuse to sleep train but you obviously have no idea what it actually is. Because it's not abuse. Or bad. It just means that you using some sort of method, of your choice, and following it through night after night to help your child learn how to put themselves back to sleep so that they don't keep needing someone else's help. |
So this isn’t quite true. I have a house full of kids bh and been there done that. My last few I took a step back and let everything play out more naturally with their sleep habits while gently guiding them towards ideas of night and day, a bedtime etc. and really felt that aligned better with how I wanted to be parenting. It worked out beautifully and they sleep great. This is a new obstacle I haven’t had yet until this baby. I was hoping to be able to let things play out again but this is just proving really hard. Also just to clarify she’s not waking and expecting to nurse. She’s not even asleep yet when she’s startled or whatever and starts screaming.
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amother
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Thu, Aug 08 2024, 10:03 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Of course I didn’t have her cry for hours!! I mean that the whole process went on for hours. Most of it was me holding her, patting her back, trying to get her back to sleep. I tried water etc. eventually I nursed. I was just trying not to nurse like 20 min after I just nursed a full good nursing. |
Thanks for explaining. I would just nurse her right away to save you and her all the frustration. It’s really hard though.
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