Before sending a son to a dorm yeshiva…

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

OP ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 11:01 am

…what would you want to make sure to tell/teach him?

I’m sending my 9th grader to a dorm mesivta. Good kid BH, but I still want to make sure he’s prepared properly.

He’s my oldest, so I don’t have any experience with this kind of thing.

I remember there was a thread about this sometime back, but I can’t seem to find it. If someone can link it here that would be super helpful.

amother

Stone

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 11:21 am

Some ideas. I don't have a son in mesivta, but I boarded in a dorm in high school.

- Basics of caring for self and clothing.
- Basics of food hygiene, like food spoilage and storage.
- Be explicit about spending money, if any.
- Being sensitive to others' space, preferences, and needs, especially any roommate(s).
- Discuss SA. Including red flags, such as signs of potential grooming. And that he should never be embarrassed to tell you anything that happens, even if he thinks it was his fault or he did an aveira.

mha3484 ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 11:22 am

Amother Stone has a good list but I want to add Substance use and abuse.

amother

Jean

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 1:43 pm

In addition to the great suggestions above, if he is not the shmoozing type (which is very normal for a 14 year old boy!) set a time once a week to talk to him and catch up. If he has it on his schedule, he will be more likely to make the time and it will be good for both of you.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 2:08 pm

These are great, ty all!

Cheiny

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 2:21 pm

amother Stone wrote:

I’d add, very strongly, not falling prey to peer pressure. I’ve heard dorms these days include the dangers of smoking, sharing phones and internet (in the yeshivas that supposedly don’t allow it), etc.

yachnabobba

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 2:34 pm

Have THE TALK.

little neshamala

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 3:11 pm

About s-x, hormones, normal urges and desires, that experimenting and zxual touch among boys is never ok etc

↑ mha3484

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 3:20 pm

I have a son one year younger so going into 8th and when he started bar mitzvahs we talked about drinking. I took the approach that at some point in his teen years he is going to try it even if I tell him 100 times not to. So I gave him one tip that I think is really crucial for every one to know. Never ever ever take a lechaim if offered on an empty stomach. Nothing good in life comes from ingesting hard alcohol before you have eaten anything. My son wanted to know how I know that and that got a little uncomfortable but it was still worth it for him to understand this.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 10:38 pm

yachnabobba wrote:

Have THE TALK.

Thanks. Agree it’s important that he hears certain things from me. I’m not into making it official, like just seeing “the talk” in capitals makes me cringe honestly.

We’re pretty open here, and have ongoing conversations about these things. But thanks for the advice.

He’s already pretty knowledgeable - coming from an OOT more open elementary, heading somewhere more yeshivish. But I’ll make sure all basics are covered

amother

NeonYellow

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 10:43 pm

He should get the meningitis vaccine if he hasn't gotten it yet. It's usually given before children go to sleepaway camp or a dorming situation.

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 12:23 am

amother NeonYellow wrote:

He should get the meningitis vaccine if he hasn't gotten it yet. It's usually given before children go to sleepaway camp or a dorming situation.

Interesting thought, I’ll ask my pediatrician. Ty!

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Aug 11 2024, 12:09 pm

Definitely address drinking and other substances. As a general rule , high school boys will drink at some point, he should be able to stay safe.

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