Special but not special enough...

Dolly Welsh

Thu, Jul 25 2024, 8:50 pm

amother Blushpink wrote:

Ok- I’m shooting from the hip here.
Have you tried enrolling him in karate
I heard the skills of discipline learned there trickle down to other skills.
If he has a good teacher he will teach him that it’s better to “build then destroy”
That was the motto that this teacher had.

Humbly I suggest it is a bad idea to teach martial arts, or any kind of use of weapons to a non-typical or special needs kid, boy or girl. Karate makes the person's limbs into a weapon.

The 'responsibility' angle doesn't work for them, and after learning these techniques, they are just better equipped to express their natural anger more effectively and impressively. Candidly they end up being able to do more, when angry. Bad.

They have mood changes, where they completely forget that 'be nice' stuff, and 'be responsible,' even though when in a good mood they nod along and agree with it.

Last edited by Dolly Welsh on Thu, Jul 25 2024, 8:55 pm; edited 1 time in total

advocate

Thu, Jul 25 2024, 8:53 pm

The subject of public school services for private school kids is one I have worked on for decades, and have presented on nationally.

If you would feel comfortable, I would love for you to pm me.

It is very hard to feel that you've fallen through the cracks when you really need help.

All the best,

amother

White

Thu, Jul 25 2024, 9:11 pm

OP, I really sympathize. There is a boy in DS's class that is more obviously neurodivergent than DS, and the other boys go out of their way to be nice to him, to run slower, to make sure to include him in games even though he can't throw, etc. But DS is excluded and has been bullied, because his differences aren't as up front. He's quirky, has strange interests he can't really be quiet about, and tries really hard to be social and fit in, but always falls just short of the mark. I pointed this out to DH once and he said something about how that boy is an obvious nebach, but DS isn't nebach enough so they feel it's ok to pick on him. Crying

amother

↑ Lightcoral

Thu, Jul 25 2024, 9:20 pm

amother White wrote:

Have you tried adhd meds? For us, they have been a game changer.

amother

↑ Honey

Fri, Jul 26 2024, 12:35 am

amother Lightcoral wrote:

For sure. I was just putting it out there.
a
Let's say they were considering it for other reasons. (Seems to be more and more families considering aliya after 10.7). This could be a huge help for their son with HFASD. Could be. Maybe yes. Maybe no.

I have heard of a Charedi school exclusively for HFASD. I think that is amazing and it's my backup plan. My son is currently in a regular class with support since he had already started there before he was dxed.

I hear what you are saying, but I would strongly urge anyone considering making aliya with a non-typical kid to do legwork before arriving and find the school (plus a backup) that fits their needs BEFORE making aliya.

Yes it is great that there's a charedi school exclusively for HFASD kids, but that school may not fit your child, or may not have room in your child's grade (kita mekademet is up to 12 kids, kitat tikshoret is up to 8 kids), or simply may not be a good fit for your specific child. And there are relatively few charedi schools for HFASD kids, there are more classes within other schools but then you have to be a decent fit for that school AND for the class. There is Shtilim but depending on the class you may get more or less religious. And there is generally only one or two options in a given region for a given hashkafa.

In theory, aliya is an amazing solution. In practice, it can work, but it's far from a given and even when it does work it's far from simple.

amother

Lightgreen

Fri, Jul 26 2024, 2:59 am

Yes. When my eldest was around age four I tried to get him help via the public schools. He was already diagnosed with ADHD but he also had autistic behaviors. The school district told me that he was too intelligent and that because I have so many other young children, I am definitely not spending as much time helping this one as I should. So he got nothing.

Luckily we worked really hard with him (and paid a ton of money) and he was eventually able to be a fully functioning child, albeit not a great match for yeshiva. He is now an adult and I do regret not fighting for more help but in the end we handled it and he is a wonderful adult.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Jul 26 2024, 3:15 am

miami85 wrote:

Age does have an impact in terms of functionality. And 504s and IEPs are both legal documents and schools are required to follow them.

I know it's not the answer you are looking for, but it's not the schools responsibility for your child to be "functional" but to have access to general education. The law is "free and appropriate public education", thus in areas like OT--they only need to provide fine motor for writitng and sensory to the point of helping a kid sit and focus in class. They don't provide "feeding therapy" for eating issues or fine motor for zippers and buttons, those would be done at an outpatient clinic. In my school district kids who need ABA/BCBA (for behaviors) have to go ABA centers--and they are considered "Homeschooled"

Actually in my state 504s and IEPs don't apply to private school.

I know public school services won't help my kid be functional. And they wont even give the OT for handwriting if my kid isnt in public school.
But this government/local program IS set up for functionality. But only severe and my kid barely missed the cutoff. They will pay for services not covered by health insurance. They will offer support services we couldn't afford otherwise.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Jul 26 2024, 3:19 am

amother White wrote:

Exactly. Not a nebech enough to get support and for people to be kind. They just see "odd but smart".

amother

↑ OP

Fri, Jul 26 2024, 3:22 am

amother Lightgreen wrote:

Exactly. We are doing as much as we can but I know there is so much more available and I just want to help my kid!!