S/O where did I go wrong?

amother

Peachpuff

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 7:37 pm

The 10 year old was planning on having a tea during that time. Her mother made her go up because she forgot a step, and therefore she didn’t have enough time for hot tea. Instead, she wanted something to eat. This is so normal. The food was in place of the tea that she was expecting and was part of the plan the whole time. So so normal for that age to need something instead when you have a disappointment like that and don’t get what you were expecting.

amother

↑ Gold ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 7:40 pm

amother Orchid wrote:

As long as they want? How do we get from no get straight into bed to as long as they want. Like I said on the other thread, to a ten year old I'd say- go eat something quick ,teeth and bed. Not "ok sweetie, lock the door before you come up for the night at 12 am".

I was answering the poster who said kids should go to sleep when they say they feel tired, to train them to listen to their bodies.

amother

Seablue

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 7:45 pm

I’m over 40. There are absolutely no long term effects in letting a child eat something small once they are in bed if they claim they are hungry. Even if it’s a stalling tactic.

Is it annoying and frustrating? Sure. So are a lot of other things.

There are, however, long term effects of parents who are too firm and inflexible. Who never give in and never make exceptions. Who lose their temper if the child doesn’t do exactly what the parent wants.

Like suggested above, if you’re child is prone to doing this, set up a time 30 mins before bed to give them time to eat something.

mommyhood

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 7:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

A preteen will not grab a quick snack and go to bed 10 minutes later. She will ask her mother what's available, kvetch about the options, ask for something else in addition, make something that takes more than 10 minutes to prepare and eat, have a tantrum about something else etc etc etc.
I'm not so rigid in my house about snacks after supper. I say " the kitchen is closed" meaning I'm not preparing any food but I let them know they can take a fruit or something quick they can get themselves. Teens take second supper they prepare themselves without askin? I'm not being busy with food prep and serving after supper. It's only if I say bedtime and the response to that is "I'm hungry", that's a problem. If my kids are hungry, they help themselves no need to ask permission. Why didn't the 10 yr old take food the entire evening, Especially if she knows her mother sticks to the rules?

Your preteen does that mine doesn’t. They take a quick snack and go upstairs. Of course my kids push boundaries bedtime included but at that age they’re smart enough to figure out that if they want to delay bedtime they’re better off not asking me for anything and making it so obvious that they’re still awake. It’s my younger kids that use it as a real stall tactic.

amother

↑ Gold ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 7:57 pm

amother Seablue wrote:

Just as there are long term effects of too much rigidity, there are also long term effects of too much flexibility. There needs to be a balance which means sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes it's no.

amother

DarkGray ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:05 pm

My oldest is ADHD and HF ASD, so he does this often. I allow it because he doesn't always eat a lot and I have to pick and choose my battles. With my other kids, on occasion its fine but regularly would be an issue we'd have to address. I'm very structured about bed time but I do realize I have to have some flexibility plus it shows my kids that not everything is black and white.

amother

↑ DarkGray ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:06 pm

amother Gold wrote:

Correct but sometimes the reaction to the no is not worth the negative reaction. I save them for the things that really matter.

amother

↑ DarkGray

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:07 pm

amother Seablue wrote:

Exactly. I think it teaches kids to become very inflexible. There's a balance. Idk a snack at bed time once in awhile is not a make it or break it to me. I've dealt with way worse lol

amother

↑ Gold ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:33 pm

amother DarkGray wrote:

Correct but sometimes the reaction to the no is not worth the negative reaction. I save them for the things that really matter.

Having OPs daughter in mind I reminded my 10 year old to take a snack well before bedtime if she's hungry. She was reading, said she's not hungry. I reminded her again a while later, again she said not hungry. At bedtime she decided she must have a chocolate chip muffin. My answer was No. She kvetched and complained a lot, I offered her one tomorrow but it wasn't good enough. I offered other food, she didn't want. I didn't change my no. Her reaction doesn't change what I think is best for her.

amother

Amaranthus ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

I can't believe how many parents are ok with giving a kid something to eat before bed. Clearly, it was a stalling tactic. Every single kid in the world says they are hungry or thirsty the minute you tell them it's bedtime. I don't understand why so many responses were saying the mother should have let her have food ( she did, just not he food the child requested) do we all fall for the same trick? I believe it's possible the child is hungry but if the rule is eat before mom calls bedtime, they will quickly become responsible about taking care of it before hand.

What? Of course you let a kid eat or drink if they are hungry or thirsty. What do you mean?

amother

↑ Amaranthus ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:45 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

It's actually unhealthy to eat right before bed. Why is anyone feeding their kids supper at 5:30? I give them fruits or vegetables when they come home and feed them at 6:30-7. And yes it's a stalling tactic, and yes this age pushes every boundary, and no free for all houses never work out in the long run, you run into all sorts of problems.

That’s unusually late for dinner.

amother

↑ Crimson

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:47 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

That’s unusually late for dinner.

Probably depends what age your kids are. High schoolers who are up till 9 or 10, 7pm dinner makes sense.

Younger kids with a bedtime before 8, should definitely be eating earlier.

amother

↑ Amaranthus ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:48 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

This isn’t healthy. You should be serving dinner at around 5 5:30. Kids shouldn’t be fed dinner so late. It’s much healthier to eat dinner and then have a bedtime snack if necessary.

amother

↑ Amaranthus ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:49 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

Says who. It’s the right amount of time to last from then until breakfast without snacking.

How old your kids? That’s very late for a child. Kids come home from school starving. They should have a quick snack when they come home and then have dinner at a more reasonable time.
6:30 -7 is very late for dinner.

amother

↑ Cobalt ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 10:02 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

This isn’t healthy. You should be serving dinner at around 5 5:30. Kids shouldn’t be fed dinner so late. It’s much healthier to eat dinner and then have a bedtime snack if necessary.

It’s very healthy. Kids eat lunch at 12:30 and snack at 2:30. Fruits and Vegetables at 4 ish. And then real meal at 6:30. They actually make it through the night and don’t even want to rush to breakfast. Seems a whole lot better than kids needing to snack all night. According to their doctor they are in perfect health. So based on the fact they have a stable night unlike the chaos most of you have, I’ll stick to my working routine.

amother

↑ Hibiscus ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 10:02 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

All ages and all eat the same time. Half the kids are not home at 5:30. Sometimes it’s tiring talking to toddler mothers who don’t begin to know what life is like beyond 4 year olds.

What works for you doesn’t mean it’s a moral or practical imperative.

You’re starting to sound not so nice yourself- just like those un-routined kids…

amother

↑ Amaranthus ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 10:12 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

I have teens down until babies. This is very late. For a preschool aged child and young elementary school child this is not the best for them. It’s best for them to eat earlier, they should be in bed by 7:30 not eating dinner then.

amother

↑ Amaranthus ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 10:13 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

Perhaps move everything up by an hour. It will be much better for your young ones.