S/O where did I go wrong?

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 2:42 pm

I can't believe how many parents are ok with giving a kid something to eat before bed. Clearly, it was a stalling tactic. Every single kid in the world says they are hungry or thirsty the minute you tell them it's bedtime. I don't understand why so many responses were saying the mother should have let her have food ( she did, just not he food the child requested) do we all fall for the same trick? I believe it's possible the child is hungry but if the rule is eat before mom calls bedtime, they will quickly become responsible about taking care of it before hand.

amother

Khaki

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 2:46 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

I think most of those are young and only have toddlers and don’t understand what parenting older kids entails. So many seemed to responding as if they were a teen.

Agree. I wish people would post their age ranges with their comments. It would be really helpful to provide context.

amother

Midnight

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 2:51 pm

My oldest is a toddler and as soon as I say "2 more minutes till bedtime" she is suddenly starving
It's a stalling tactic for sure
I don't allow food at that point unless I feel she didn't eat enough during the day. But that'd be my fault, as she is a toddler and not 10 years old

BusyBoys

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 2:55 pm

I’m from the younger ones who agreed with op for the most part. Not yet 30
Do I agree with her exact timing of bedtime? Not necessarily
But
In my house,
My kids know a rule is a rule. And yes, we give lots of attention, lots of love. But some rules in the house are nonnegotiable.
And I think every parent has the right to establish that in their own home.

Self understood I am speaking in the range of normal

amother

Fuchsia ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 3:00 pm

I have teens. I'm not a young mom. And I'm saying that children can definitely be hungry by the time bedtime comes. Especially if dinner was hours before or the kids were playing outside. What we as parents need to do, is tell the kids 30-45 minutes before bed time that if they're hungry, they can eat something now & not right before bed.
When toddlers or littles insist that they're hungry when it's time to go to bed, I tell them that I can give them something once they're ready in bed. (Fruit, cheese....)
I'm actually quite horrified that a mother didn't allow her child to have nuts or soup & basically forced her to eat a disgusting baby jar. That's not okay.
A 10 year old isn't a baby or a little kid. They don't use tactics to push off bedtime at that age unless it's coming from a place of wanting to be heard & understood & parents are being unreasonable.

amother

Brunette

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 3:05 pm

I think the mons responding that it's a stalling tactic are moms of tots or those who's oldest are under 10.all the parenting rules yoy learnt go out the window at a certain point (preteen) and you as the develop a new set of laws and regulations to work off of

amother

DarkGreen ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 3:09 pm

Im 40, with kids in my upper teens, tweens, etc.
I strongly disagree.
I serve dinner at 5:30. They can be genuinely hungry at 8. And I am working on teaching my kids to listen to their body (meaning their stomach) and eat until they're full, don't overeat, and eat more later.
Im hungry. Im thirsty. I need to pee.
Could be they're delaying tactics for bed.
But I want my kids to listen to their body.

After dinner, anyone who's hungry gets whole wheat matza or applesauce. If you're thirsty get room temperature water. No ice. If you need the bathroom, go no talking, only nightlight in bathroom.
If they're hungry or thirsty, they'll happily take what I offer. Many times they do.

As a mother of teens, im actually cognizant of how I CANT control them, even with structured days. Because I'm aware that my 10 year old is only a few years away from being too big and too strong for me to force. So we need to work together and they need to feel respected and seen.
Maybe it's a delaying tactic, but a 10 year old getting a bowl of applesauce and feeling heard that he's hungry has so much dividends when he's 16 and he physically can just do what he wants if he doesn't feel like I'm on his side.

amother

Aconite ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 3:15 pm

I'm a 40 year old mom.
I agree 100% with this op.
Yes, a child can be hungry between supper and bed. But a 10 year old is old enough to know their bedtime and the nightly routine. And for a 10 year old to suddenly claim to be hungry when mom says bedtime is a stalling tactic.

amother

Linen

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 3:20 pm

I’m 38 with a 17 year old as my oldest. I responded on that page. I let my kids eat if they’re hungry all the way to bed time. And if anything- as my kids got older the bedtimes get later since my 17 year old doesn’t come home until late so the house is just on a later schedule. I can’t imagine telling a child to go to bed hungry.

amother

Natural

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 3:33 pm

Are none of you mothers hungry suddenly just before you head to bed? It's not a stalling tactic, it's so normal to realise one is hungry just before heading to bed.

I'm 40 with kids of all ages, oldest 18 youngest a baby.

I used to be like that OP and many of the mothers here. I feel bad about how wrong I was, putting rules before my children's needs, however I didn't know better. This was how I was brought up.

Bh I know better now and I believe my child if they say they are hungry. And I also am way less rigid with rules. I set the rule, but we try to make it work according to their needs and personality.

Parenting takes lots of thought and patience and love.

amother

↑ Cobalt ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 3:37 pm

It's actually unhealthy to eat right before bed. Why is anyone feeding their kids supper at 5:30? I give them fruits or vegetables when they come home and feed them at 6:30-7. And yes it's a stalling tactic, and yes this age pushes every boundary, and no free for all houses never work out in the long run, you run into all sorts of problems.

amother

Glitter

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 3:41 pm

My oldest is ten. Who cares if it’s a stalling tactic? If it’s once in a while I allow

If it’s becoming a pattern I would discuss and try to have him plan better and eat more earlier on

amother

↑ Hibiscus ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 3:42 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

And I do the opposite, feed them supper earlier and fruits (they usually don’t like vegetables) later on.
Why’s it a free for all to let a kid eat before they go to bed?
Do you consider yourself a flexible mom ?
If it happens very often a mom can make a snack part of the routine.

amother

↑ DarkGreen ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 3:42 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

My kids come off the bus at 4:30 starved out of their minds.
At 4:30 they eat fruit, cheese, crackers.
It holds them off until 5:30.
U don't want them eating fruit all night and then not having an appetite for the filling supper.
At 5:30, they eat a real filling meal- chicken, potatoes, soup. But at 8, they're usually ready for a fruit.

amother

↑ Crimson ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 3:44 pm

amother DarkGreen wrote:

I hand them dinner at 4:30 when they walk in the door, and then at 7 they either sample the grown up dinner that's on the table or have fruit or cheese or yogurt, and then they're in bed about half an hour later.

I found that if I gave them snack food at 4:30 they would fill up on that and not want to eat dinner later.

amother

↑ Fuchsia

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 3:45 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

There's a healthy balance between a free for all house, and rigid military run rules. It's not all about the rules. Children need to feel heard and understood. There's no reason why a home needs to run on so many rigid rules. That's not a warm home.

amother

↑ DarkGreen

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 3:46 pm

amother Crimson wrote:

I work until 4 and don't have dinner ready to hand them when they walk in.
Fruit and cheese gives me enough time to get it ready.