S/O where did I go wrong?

giftedmom ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 10:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

I can't believe how many parents are ok with giving a kid something to eat before bed. Clearly, it was a stalling tactic. Every single kid in the world says they are hungry or thirsty the minute you tell them it's bedtime. I don't understand why so many responses were saying the mother should have let her have food ( she did, just not he food the child requested) do we all fall for the same trick? I believe it's possible the child is hungry but if the rule is eat before mom calls bedtime, they will quickly become responsible about taking care of it before hand.

I don’t “fall” for any tricks. My kids and I are not at war with each other. I believe them when they tell me they’re hungry. What a novel concept right?

↑ giftedmom

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 10:21 pm

amother Brunette wrote:

I think the mons responding that it's a stalling tactic are moms of tots or those who's oldest are under 10.all the parenting rules yoy learnt go out the window at a certain point (preteen) and you as the develop a new set of laws and regulations to work off of

This this this

amother

↑ Cobalt

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 10:23 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

Perhaps move everything up by an hour. It will be much better for your young ones.

No way to move anything to 5:30 older kids are not home. Little kids have no interest in eating a meal at that point. It's literally not an issue for any of us. Why would I change anything? Because some anonymous mother said so? I'd rather not have kids complaining of hunger right before bed, which is what you all said happens when you feed kids too early. You aren't selling this very well. My kids are happy, I'm happy, no complaints. I'm at a loss as to why I should change something that seems to be working better in my house than in your houses.

amother

Honey

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 11:20 pm

amother Whitewash wrote:

I would say no to the biscuits and hot cocoa because sugar before bed is not conducive to falling asleep. But if you're ok with her reading in bed until 9:30, then does it really matter if she snacks and hangs out in the kitchen until 9 instead of 8:45?

Clearly having the kids out from underfoot is what’s driving the routine for a lot of mothers.

amother

↑ Hibiscus

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 11:25 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

The way I see it on this thread:
Apparently there are two feeding times happening in most homes. One closer to when the kids get home from school and one closer to when they go to bed.
Some parents choose to serve dinner first and then let the kids have a snack later on. You choose to serve snack first and have dinner later on. What’s not working? Because some parents don’t make the snack official and then have a power struggle with their kid?

camp123

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 11:42 pm

I'm forty and I actually don't think it's the worst thing if a kid goes to bed a bit hungry occasionally, I do think it's the worst thing if they lose an hour sleep. The first will teach them to tolerate a bit of discomfort and be resilient, the second messes with their brain and growth. All through history up until our spoiled generation people ate at meal times, didn't really snack much and didn't always have food available but they did go to sleep when it got dark. And guess what they were less self centered, more resilient, less over weight and less ADHD. I will usually know if a kid didn't eat much during the day and is genuinely very hungry and then I'll let them eat but as a rule bed time can't be delayed in my house for hunger. My kids know that good sleep keeps them in a good mood, helps them grow, and helps prevent illness.

amother

↑ Amaranthus ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 12:13 am

amother Cobalt wrote:

Perhaps speak to others who know you IRL then. As a Morah and mommy of many years I strongly encourage you to feed your little ones earlier. At the very least give them a very filling snack not just vegetables earlier on in the night.
It’s just not accommodating little kids need’s to feed them dinner that late.

You seem to believe that by feeding them earlier you will have chaos. I don’t understand how that would be chaos. My kids come home from school and have a snack. We have dinner and then they know they can always take a healthy snack before bed which they seldom do because they have the peace of mind knowing that it’s always available to them.

amother

↑ Amaranthus

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 12:15 am

camp123 wrote:

I disagree with you. In 2024 no kid should ever be put to bed hungry. This can cause a lot of distress to a child.

teachkids

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 1:00 am

amother Cobalt wrote:

So glad it works for you, but don't come here and tell everyone it's the only way and we're all bad parents because something else works for us.

amother

Wandflower

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 1:20 am

What on earth?
You guys really want your kids to go to sleep hungry so you can teach them a lesson and set ground rules?
Growing children can get hungry and I think it’s wrong not to let a child have (healthy) food to eat if they are hungry. In our house we let cheese sticks, fruits, vegetables, etc. even if (gasp) they are already in bed. It does not get overdone bc it’s so not a big deal, you eat, you brush your teeth, you go to sleep.
When I’m pregnant and growing a baby I sometimes wake up hungry in the middle of the night. And you know what I do? I eat. Trying to sleep when your hungry is awful.

amother

Stonewash

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 1:28 am

My oldest is 15.
Tonight my preschooler got into bed and said he was hungry.
I let her eat pretzels in bed!! Gasp! Oh the horror!!
So she ate a few pretzels and lay down and went to sleep.

Yeah , I'm a little bit freeforall, but they did have supper earliee, which is why I only offer fruit, veg, or pretzel at bedtime.

I hope all those who fainted on the floor over pretzels in the bed (chometz! crumbs! Unsanitary!) are okay.

amother

Lemonlime

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 1:40 am

amother Honey wrote:

Clearly having the kids out from underfoot is what’s driving the routine for a lot of mothers.

This.

Also, because then they'll have to admit that their house is not strictly "on schedule" with all kids in bed by 8:30.

Why in the world would that mother force her child into bed the same time no matter what time she needs to wake up in the morning or how long it takes her to fall asleep??

Most kids can wake up later in the summer, some more than an hour later. There's also a theory that kids need less sleep when they get more hours of sunlight--I definitely find this to be true in my house. Let your kids enjoy this! Let them stay up later! Yes, your house will feel like it's on wheels for a bit but you'll adjust, I promise.

It boggles my mind that some mothers will force their kids into bed literally an hour before they're ready just to "get them into bed". And all in the name of schedule and routine.

No wonder they're stalling!

amother

Feverfew

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 8:49 am

Why can't snack before bed be part of the routine? We do that. I have all ages and stages, teens to toddlers. My younger ones eat dinner at 4:45, older ones eat with dh and I at about 7:30. Half hour before bedtime, I offer my kids fruits, vegetables, pretzels, crackers, cheese, or some other healthyish snack. If they're not hungry, they won't eat. If they are hungry, this is their opportunity. It eliminates the whole problem of being hungry at bedtime.

amother

Cantaloupe

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 8:51 am

amother Hibiscus wrote:

I’m 40 and I guess I’m just not such a strict mom.
I’d tell a kid that age to go take an apple and brush their teeth.

This. I’m in my 40s with older teens. I’m just not that obsessed with rules. Obviously some rules need to be in place to run a functioning home, but I don’t get too hung up on them and am flexible. BH my kids are great and we have a super close relationship.

amother

↑ Gold

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 8:54 am

amother Lemonlime wrote:

I'm the one who says my kids' bedtimes don't change with the season.
Their bus comes exactly the same time in the summer as it does in the winter.

amother

Violet

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 10:47 am

Every parent has to know their own child. It is a common thing for children to do though. They aren’t consciously doing it to stall, but they also don’t need to eat at that very moment. You say bedtime and they say I’m hungry. Knowing that they were well fed with a substantial supper, we offer a choice of cucumbers, apples, or a yogurt right before bed. We also have water bottles available in each room in case the word bedtime sparks a sudden bout of thirst. If none of that is good,it’s safe to assume they aren’t very hungry.

octopus

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 11:04 am

amother Cobalt wrote:

It's actually unhealthy to eat right before bed. Why is anyone feeding their kids supper at 5:30? I give them fruits or vegetables when they come home and feed them at 6:30-7. And yes it's a stalling tactic, and yes this age pushes every boundary, and no free for all houses never work out in the long run, you run into all sorts of problems.

There is a lot between flexibility and a free-for-all. A snack before bedtime doesn't equal a free-for-all. Give me a break. You're welcome to have all the rules you want and to enforce them as you see fit. But puleeze the judgment is just over the top. You never fed kids at 5:30? If a mom feeds supper so early then make sure there's a snack at 7:00. It works both ways. So whatever time works for you, fine. Don't judge other people's routines.

amother

Maize

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 11:30 am

amother Natural wrote:

Are none of you mothers hungry suddenly just before you head to bed? It's not a stalling tactic, it's so normal to realise one is hungry just before heading to bed.

I'm 40 with kids of all ages, oldest 18 youngest a baby.

I used to be like that OP and many of the mothers here. I feel bad about how wrong I was, putting rules before my children's needs, however I didn't know better. This was how I was brought up.

Bh I know better now and I believe my child if they say they are hungry. And I also am way less rigid with rules. I set the rule, but we try to make it work according to their needs and personality.

Parenting takes lots of thought and patience and love.

I'm 38 but my oldest is 3. I didn't see the other thread but this thread is hilarious because she recently started doing this stalling thing, and it's definitely stalling because it happens just when it's bath time, every. single. time. But I'm pregnant and have pregnancy hormones and am simply physically incapable of denying a 3yo food right now. She's also not even a great eater all the time so it would really feel terrible to say no to her.

So even though my DH gets frustrated, I told him to just work it into the bedtime routine if it makes him that upset, meaning we can tell her it's bathtime earlier to factor the stalling session. And she'll do one food request after the next, but I'll tell her at some point, this is the last one, and once I give her a heads up, she's usually good with that.

amother

↑ Whitewash ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 11:38 am

camp123 wrote:

Not sure how you can decide sleeping is more important than eating. No it's not the end of the world for a child to go to bed hungry once in a while, and it's ALSO not the end of the world to go to bed an hour later than the ideal.

This moralizing about bedtime in this thread is hard for me to understand.

amother

↑ Whitewash

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 11:47 am

amother Maize wrote:

Toddlers avoid bedtime for other reasons. The separation is harder for them, their brains aren't as developed and they might have fears, have trouble understanding conceptually that you're right there in the next room, their understanding of reality is not established. Or they might just be enjoying the company and attention of being around people and not want that to end. It's a very different situation.