Where did I go wrong? Or did I? Be honest but gentle please

Ravenclaw ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 8:19 pm

Not gonna comment on the whole “I’m still hungry” thing…

But there’s definitely a lot of rigidity. I mean, you said that she ended up going to sleep “way” past her bedtime… but it was 15 minutes (8:40-8:55). Even counting the minutes like that… I dunno, to each their own but that would be a pressuring way to live I think.

My kids have bedtimes but it’s not a Swiss clock.

ittsamother

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 8:20 pm

OP, I'm coming very late to the party but I wanted to say a couple things:

I know opening a thread here can be stressful- you're hoping for some helpful advice but you know it's gonna come along with a boatload of judgement and pointing fingers, as well as criticism and lots of nitpicking on every detail. And you stayed really calm and non defensive throughout, there were so many replies I might have jumped on to clarify when they exaggerated or nitpicked and you really didn't. So kudos to you on all that.

Second, I agree with some posters that I don't think you're necessarily rigid. Some people like living life way more flexibly, and everything's negotiable and feelings matter more in the moment than most rules. That's their personal style. I know I definitely like some kind of specific schedule more, because otherwise I find everything is constantly a negotiation. I don't have preteens yet, but I know for sure that with my kids, unless I have set rules like "no sitting in the baby's highchair" my little kids will squabble about it every. single. day. I have patience for a lot of things, and I try to say yes as much as I can when something is not truly important, but ultimately having some kind of schedule and some set rules allows me to have more patience for all the other little negotiations that come up. I feel like that's probably where you're at, too.

I do agree with other posters that ultimately, though, even while sticking to household rules and schedules, sometimes it's still more important to just let something go on the infrequent occasion that it happens than to stick hard to the set rule, and that if something happens one time let it go and only crack down if it starts becoming a pattern. Only you really know your daughter and know if it was truly just a delaying tactic which you had to show her wasn't acceptable, or stam she was really just hungry that night and could have used some leeway.

↑ Ravenclaw

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 8:53 pm

Ok I just finished reading the whole thread and wanted to add:

I do think OP is very admirable that she is so open to listening and reflecting. And yes, there are different parenting styles and everyone gives their children different things.

After reading the whole thread though I want to say that you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself, OP. Let’s leave your daughter out of it a moment… it seems you are very stressed out by the situation. By the demands of motherhood. I mean probably reading a million different posters responses and overthinking this whole situation is stressful.

Flexibility—and the ability to let go—is something that might be beneficial not just for your daughter but for yourself.

Take some time to rest. To take care of yourself. It’s not the end of the world if you let something slide and just breathe. And don’t worry about this situation anymore—whether you were too rigid or not… for now just be flexible with yourself and let go.

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:57 pm

Ravenclaw wrote:

I appreciate this very much. I do expect a lot of myself and the flipside is that I expect a lot from others too. When I am stressed or not getting cooperation, my default is to make order out of the chaos, so whether it means getting kid into bed by any means or cleaning up.

I am not stressed out by this incident anymore although yesterday I did feel bad. I'm glad that I posted though as a previous poster mentioned you really gotta have thick skin, because it helped clarify for me what specifically wasn't working and to see where I can let go and (because I know my home and my DD best) where I don't want to let go.

Anyway, Ravenclaw, haven't seen you around in awhile. I'm honored you graced my thread with your presence Smile