The crazy things we do cuz we don't have money

amother

↑ DarkCyan

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 7:18 am

Reality wrote:

I very strongly disagree. Neither way of living is good.

I think spending on expensive designer clothes is the biggest waste of money. But if your the kind of person who is buying a mansion to live in, don't do it on the backs of your kids. If you think these kids are going to be emotionally healthy, think again. Mom and Dad prioritize everything else over them.

The middle road is always the healthiest. Live in a normal sized house and upgrade on the few things that are most important to you. Buy your kids clothes mostly on sale/well priced and buy your older kids a couple of things that they really care about.

This. In no way did I say to dress kids in expensive designer clothing. No idea how that got understood like that. For sure buy end of season on sale for next year and cheaper clothing but kids wearing only shlumpy looking clothing and only cheap second hand shoes when you built a literal mansion (not talking about just buying a regular house) is definitely NOT normal. To me it’s just a miserly stingy person who would do that. And to the person who said well it’s all about priorities yes true but again I’m talking about being very miserly versus just being plain and not splurging. It’s not healthy to be miserly if you can afford not to be. Obviously if you can hardly cover bills and do some of the “miserly” things that people listed so you don’t have to live on tzedaka that would be responsible but once that’s not the case, learn to live a little. Time and energy is worth something too.

↑ Trademark

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 8:29 am

Reality wrote:

I agree with this.

For some reason it's a badge of honor on this site to be extremely frugal and miserly.

People don't understand that kamtzanus is a bad middah even when it's only for yourself. Never mind if you're stingy with your children.

There is a middle ground.

amother

Strawberry

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:17 am

Trademark wrote:

My mother is very stingy and I unfortunately inherited this trait.

I am trying so hard to work on it before my children are grown as I know how it can affect them.
We bH had the money growing up it was just a mindset.

↑ Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 10:46 am

amother Ultramarine wrote:

That's your opinion, I'm not doing either one but I had a lot of respect for people like my grandmother who dressed very elegantly - she wore expensive classy clothing. Each outfit lasted her for many years. And she lived in a rented apartment for many many years. She actually only bought an apartment when she was in her 80s. She looked beautiful every day and that was important to her. Building a mansion to me is a total waste of money. My opinion.

Outfits don't last several years these days.
It's much about priorities. That said it's kind of smart not to dress your kids in very expensive clothes if he is known to rip and ruin them the very same week.

amother

↑ Buttercup

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 2:18 pm

Can we please remember that this thread was started FOR THOSE WITHOUT MONEY.
Please stop the judgement.
This is not a thread about how miserly you can be but it started off as a safe space to vent and share the crazy things we do because we don't have the spare cash.

Please stop the judging. Make a spin off.
Some of us really don't have money and wear ripped tights. Or don't wear a sheitel (I wear a snood) so I don't have to pay to wash the sheitel. Or I have grown herbs in the past as it was so much cheaper than buying.
Or a number of different things. Not all of us have money!!

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 2:23 pm

amother Buttercup wrote:

Thank you!!

amother

Slateblue

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 3:52 pm

amother Ebony wrote:

So don’t buy a 2000 new wig. Buy a 1200 one or whatever it is.(if you can’t find in your color for that price get from china, they’re great wigs). Hashem wants you to take care of yourself, He doesn’t want you to look and feel like a shmatta. It doesn’t mean excessive, but if you really need a new wig, buy one, Hashem will help.

There is no source anywhere for the fact that if you decide you need something Hashem will pay for it. The only times it says you'll get it back is Shabbos expenses and chinuch. That's it.

The stories about eg R Yisrael Salanter being sure he could get a gold watch and getting one are very misleading. If you look in the musar sefarim, that's not what it means.

There is nothing wrong with wearing second hand clothes, old clothes, cheap stuff or out of date stuff. It's not a lack of self respect. Sometimes that is more self respecting than going into debt or taking from other people.

I hate to say that your attitude just sounds like you're out of touch. Have you ever been in a situation where you needed something, needed not wanted and couldn't pay for it?

amother

↑ Ebony ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 7:57 pm

amother Slateblue wrote:

Actually yes I have. We struggle a lot financially. Drive a very old car. Have one pair of shoes (but it’s trendy). I still believe we need to feel good in what we wear. Some people don’t mind that much to wear out dated stuff and that’s fine, but some do and they feel more self respect when they dress more trendy. I’m not saying it has to be expensive, not at all but a woman is allowed to feel good in what she wears.

And if you listen to Michael Safdies podcast he says exactly this. Hashem takes care of our needs. Sometimes a woman needs a new Sheitels (I’m not talking about every 2 years, but if she is honest with herself when she really needs a new one).

amother

↑ Ebony

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 7:59 pm

amother Buttercup wrote:

Right but time is also money. I used to operate with this attitude then I thought about how worthy my time and self respect are too, and I changed a bit. Not saying I spend a ton of money but my attitude of saving time and my sanity is also important. Money comes from Hashem it’s a tool in this world and I do what I need to do with the money Hashem gave me and I trust that he will send what I need