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-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
amother
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 Tue, Jul 23 2024, 5:53 am
Apparently if you go to Eretz Yisroel for longer than 30 days you must stay, unless leaving for parnasa, marriage, or other compelling reasons. While those I asked this to laugh, they don't deny that it is the halacha.
Thank you amother hosta. I think you explained the issues very well.
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tree of life
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Tue, Jul 23 2024, 5:55 am
| amother OP wrote: | Thank you, but I doubt anyone can really help with suggestions. We are Chabad and he would never consider a non-Chabad school. We don't live in Brooklyn, but there is no yeshiva here anyway and he needs a place with a dorm.
I wish he didn't know that academically and spiritually he belongs in a top yeshiva. It would be much easier. |
Hi please message me I'm chabad and I can try guide you we moved to Israel for my son
So I can recommend places in Israel that maybe able to help you
Don't worry you are not alone
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Tue, Jul 23 2024, 5:57 am
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Hi I just saw he dosent want Israel still if I can help in anyway please message me bh I have helped a lot of people
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amother
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Tue, Jul 23 2024, 6:03 am
Thank you so much, I doubt I can get him to consider Israel unfortunately.
I wouldn't mind if a school accepted with conditions, in fact that might be very helpful for me... If a top school said sure, we'd love to have you, as long as you try meds and speak to a therapist once a week, it would be much easier to get him to agree to those things. But they don't want the headache, which I get.
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amother
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Tue, Jul 23 2024, 6:08 am
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Have you looked into ohr Temimim? I know a few chassidishe Bochurim who went there because they are a little bit on the spectrum and they did very well
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Tue, Jul 23 2024, 6:09 am
| amother OP wrote: | Thank you so much, I doubt I can get him to consider Israel unfortunately.
I wouldn't mind if a school accepted with conditions, in fact that might be very helpful for me... If a top school said sure, we'd love to have you, as long as you try meds and speak to a therapist once a week, it would be much easier to get him to agree to those things. But they don't want the headache, which I get. |
Then try getting rabbonim involved
They can try guide you
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amother
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Tue, Jul 23 2024, 6:09 am
| amother Dandelion wrote: | | Have you looked into ohr Temimim? I know a few chassidishe Bochurim who went there because they are a little bit on the spectrum and they did very well |
Unfortunately they have Limudei Chol. No way my son will agree to that.
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Tue, Jul 23 2024, 6:10 am
| amother OP wrote: | Thank you so much, I doubt I can get him to consider Israel unfortunately.
I wouldn't mind if a school accepted with conditions, in fact that might be very helpful for me... If a top school said sure, we'd love to have you, as long as you try meds and speak to a therapist once a week, it would be much easier to get him to agree to those things. But they don't want the headache, which I get. |
Or you can tell your son to try Israel for say three months see if that will help
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amother
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Tue, Jul 23 2024, 6:20 am
| tree of life wrote: | | Or you can tell your son to try Israel for say three months see if that will help |
I could maybe try to get him to agree to 29 days lol. He doesn't want to get "stuck" there and need to rely on a heter to leave.
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amother
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Tue, Jul 23 2024, 6:26 am
| amother OP wrote: | | I could maybe try to get him to agree to 29 days lol. He doesn't want to get "stuck" there and need to rely on a heter to leave. |
It's a big burden to have to make decisions on his own. If you can get him to agree to ask a Rav. There is no torah learning like in Eretz Yisrael.
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amother
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Tue, Jul 23 2024, 6:28 am
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I have an inflexible son the same age so I know what it's like. It would be a great favor and step in the right direction to get him to speak to someone to help him make the decision rather than allowing him to have all the power.
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amother
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Tue, Jul 23 2024, 6:33 am
| amother OP wrote: | Thank you so much, I doubt I can get him to consider Israel unfortunately.
I wouldn't mind if a school accepted with conditions, in fact that might be very helpful for me... If a top school said sure, we'd love to have you, as long as you try meds and speak to a therapist once a week, it would be much easier to get him to agree to those things. But they don't want the headache, which I get. |
Based on this, I hate to ask this, but how much money do you to throw at this to adapt the situation? And does your ds care if he stands out as different?
This is going to work a lot better in a school where he can commute, but might still work with a dorm. Can you get him accepted as a student who learns b'chevrusah with a speific person you hire, who you know is a lamdan with either training or the inate ability to work with young men such as yours? If they can learn in the beis medrash, great, but if not, it's in a separate room. Hopefully he goes to regular shiur with the same man or a different one close by to supervise and step in as needed.
Basically, he has his version of school within school, and the school's risk and liability are lower because he has individualized staff and they don't have to pair him up with selected students unless it becomes evident that will work. And the identity of being a student there plus the chevrah is a benefit. Would need more adapting with the dorm.
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amother
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Tue, Jul 23 2024, 6:40 am
| amother Hosta wrote: | Based on this, I hate to ask this, but how much money do you to throw at this to adapt the situation? And does your ds care if he stands out as different?
This is going to work a lot better in a school where he can commute, but might still work with a dorm. Can you get him accepted as a student who learns b'chevrusah with a speific person you hire, who you know is a lamdan with either training or the inate ability to work with young men such as yours? If they can learn in the beis medrash, great, but if not, it's in a separate room. Hopefully he goes to regular shiur with the same man or a different one close by to supervise and step in as needed.
Basically, he has his version of school within school, and the school's risk and liability are lower because he has individualized staff and they don't have to pair him up with selected students unless it becomes evident that will work. And the identity of being a student there plus the chevrah is a benefit. Would need more adapting with the dorm. |
We don't have money to throw at this. If I did, I'd bribe him into a school. I'm sure that is exacerbating things, would YOU want to accept a difficult student on scholarship?
He hates looking different in any way. (Well, unless he has halachic basis for looking different.) His first yeshiva, he was upset when I sent him packages because "none of the other boys get packages."
We do not live close enough to a yeshiva to commute so dorm is the only option.
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amother
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Tue, Jul 23 2024, 6:44 am
| amother OP wrote: | | I could maybe try to get him to agree to 29 days lol. He doesn't want to get "stuck" there and need to rely on a heter to leave. |
Tell him to choose a Lubavitcher Rav and call to discuss this. It's good practice for life to be able to ask a shaalah. There are many caring, patient Rabbonim who would be willing to learn this sugya through with him and teach him the importance of following daas Torah
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amother
Milk
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Tue, Jul 23 2024, 6:53 am
What about the yeshiva in Kingston?
Or the one in monsey?
To the person who said hamesivta in ch does not sound like a good fit at all.
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amother
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Tue, Jul 23 2024, 6:55 am
| amother Magenta wrote: | How old is he? Mesivta? Chovevei and Oholei Torah both have dorms. Not the strongest yeshivas but 100% better than nothing.
Please tell me which shiur he's up to, and which yeshivos said they have no room. |
I would really recommend against these options for him
He'd fall through the cracks there
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amother
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Tue, Jul 23 2024, 7:05 am
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Would he consider Darchei? I don't think they are considered top but they are AMAZING at catering to individuals and really really building them up, the bochurim there really aren't all one type and they care for each one individually
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amother
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Tue, Jul 23 2024, 7:12 am
| amother OP wrote: | | I could maybe try to get him to agree to 29 days lol. He doesn't want to get "stuck" there and need to rely on a heter to leave. |
Trying something out might be good for him so he doesn't rule out options that he isn't ready to commit to but maybe willing to try
Just want to mention that it's kdai to look into where the Halachic borders of E.Y are according to Chabad (ie Eilat is Chul, I think it's possible even Mitzpe Ramon is too) and he can go there, no need to fly after 29 days
Of course you can try speaking with a Rav/Mashpiim before going that route and see if they have another way of explaining this part to him.
If you get around this, do you have have suitable options in E.Y.?
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amother
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Tue, Jul 23 2024, 7:15 am
| amother Bronze wrote: | | Would he consider Darchei? I don't think they are considered top but they are AMAZING at catering to individuals and really really building them up, the bochurim there really aren't all one type and they care for each one individually |
Apparently they have Limudei Chol.
If I had a specific yeshiva in Israel that was promising I could push him to speak to a Rav and maybe go to Eilat for Shabbos once a month or something. I doubt I'd be successful but I could try. Same with a non-preferred yeshiva on this continent (that's why I applied to Napierville even though I'm not sure he'll agree to go even if he does get accepted).
But trying to get him to go to a Yeshiva with Limudei Chol is a nonstarter. He'll just default to "forget it, I'm going to learn in 770."
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