You can't "do it all"

amother

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 10:38 pm

But what about when you are?

I'm resentful and exhausted to the point of anger. I'm tired from such a deep place inside me. I'm "doing it all" and I listen to every speaker and every friend and every everything that preaches the importance of not pouring from an empty cup and that no one can do it all. And here I am, pouring from a cup that emptied years ago, no idea how to fill it up and doing what feels like everything.
I want to just give up. But I can't, I have a family, a job, bills to pay, I don't have the luxury of taking a year off to reevaluate my life even though I need to so badly.

I don't even know why I'm posting this. I just got tired of crying and needed to put this somewhere and have no one else to vent to.

amother

Wheat ↓

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 11:43 pm

I managed for like 1.5 years, stretched to my utmost limit, then Covid mandates/lockdowns happened and put me over the edge. I would have been fired but I'm in Israel and was pregnant and they're legally not allowed to fire you unless you basically murder someone. (I just didn't show up to work on the days I couldn't. Because I couldn't. I was an essential worker but I was a more essential mother.) But I knee I'd have to quit after I had my baby, could not fo back toba place that was that hostile to me.

My advice: quit/cut back your hours while it is your choice and you can do it gracefully. Don't wait until you have no choice as to the timing.

You can downgrade your spending level. Sell your mortgage, move to a smaller house, tell the schools you now qualify for tuition discounts. It's worth it.

amother

↑ Wheat

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 11:52 pm

Whrn you do cut hours/quit your job, you need to tell brag about it like you're a hero, aka

"I decided that since my family and marriage are the most important thing, I needed to act like it. Even though I miss my job and I got a lot out of it, I look forward to going back to it in 10/whatever years, but these moments when my children are little are fleeting and priceless."

NOT:
"I was trying to do everything and I was just so miserably tired all of the time. You know some days I would have to go 36 hours without sleep, and I did not enjoy my kids or even living when I was that sleep deprived. I don't think anyone could really be in those circumstances and still be functionable and happy." -- Because then if you have someone in your family who is an intolerable witch-with-a-b, like my "mom", and I'm guessing you do and that's part of why you pushed yourself so hard to start with, she'll sit there and smirk at you having gotten a full night's sleep herself and planning on taking an afternoon nap and she'll say "Oh, *I* think most people could do it".