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Forum
-> Parenting our children
amother
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 Sun, Jul 21 2024, 7:07 pm
| amother Starflower wrote: | As far as being inappropriate, I don't agree.
What's inappropriate about a young boy and his father? If you're sexu@lizing it, you're welcome to do that. Or a father taking his son to the mikvah-which is very common...? (which BTW we'd never do) |
Why would you never take the kids to the Mikva?
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amother
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 7:20 pm
| amother Leaf wrote: | | Why would you never take the kids to the Mikva? |
*A father taking young sons under bar mitzva in my circles Means father supervises young boy at mikva so he is safe from others. after boy has showered toiveled and redressed father sends son home/out of mikva area (depending on proximity to home) then father proceeds to tend to his own needs.
* my husband and I and I think many in the frum world have a level of tznius even between husband and wife. Unless for an intimate purpose we don't just randomly walk around I'm front of each other totally nude. When dressing and undressing coming out of shower. We either dress with locked door. Or in a tznius manner in front of each other (even when not in nida)
*I understand we are discussing a child with special needs. Then it is your obligation as parents to be two steps ahead of the game. Find a better way to lock the door. Yell from bathroom for someone to bring a towel. Dress fully in bathroom. Have spouse wait on gayrd give all clear child isn't in the bedroom.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 7:26 pm
| amother Purple wrote: | A lot of people here do not seem to understand what life is like with a kid on the spectrum. No joke, if our door is locked my son on the spectrum will try to beat it down until it breaks. It's really hard with ND kids to maintain a real level of privacy. They can just be totally relentless. OP I feel for you. It's hard to deal with their antics.
On the other hand, I'm shocked here how many people are so so sensitive about seeing parents naked. Of course it's not ideal, and past a certain age it's very inappropriate but it happens on accident from time to time with our little kids and we just make it normal. We talk about the our bodies are private and it's not tzinus to see people totally naked etc..but my kids have some understanding that in our family there are different standards than outside the home (like my daughter can wear pj's that aren't tznius but not outside, etc.) And sometimes parents see each other naked when they are changing in their room. To create so much disgust and stigma around it is why people are posting on here that when they got married they were terrified of the other gender and freaked out about relations, etc. You can have boundaries without making it completely taboo! |
All these horrified responses are NOT in response to a child seeing a parent undressed by mistake.
The responses were to a poster who wrote that her husband showers naked with her 3 kids ages 3-6 BY DESIGN.
Big difference there.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 7:29 pm
| amother Honeydew wrote: | *A father taking young sons under bar mitzva in my circles Means father supervises young boy at mikva so he is safe from others. after boy has showered toiveled and redressed father sends son home/out of mikva area (depending on proximity to home) then father proceeds to tend to his own needs.
* my husband and I and I think many in the frum world have a level of tznius even between husband and wife. Unless for an intimate purpose we don't just randomly walk around I'm front of each other totally nude. When dressing and undressing coming out of shower. We either dress with locked door. Or in a tznius manner in front of each other (even when not in nida)
*I understand we are discussing a child with special needs. Then it is your obligation as parents to be two steps ahead of the game. Find a better way to lock the door. Yell from bathroom for someone to bring a towel. Dress fully in bathroom. Have spouse wait on gayrd give all clear child isn't in the bedroom. |
That is not the approach we believe in, and I think you are in the minority.
The close intimacy between husband and wife isn't limited to when they are having relations. Having intimate, s-xual moments throughout the day brings the couple so much closer to each other.
Getting dressed in front of each other often leads to intensely intimate moments, even if there is no time to go all the way.
After shower touching.
Or brushing up against each other's bodies in the kitchen (if no kiddos around).
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amother
Magenta
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 7:33 pm
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We have a rule: when daddy is leaving the shower no one is allowed near the room. Not in my room or the bathroom or the hallway outside the bathroom. My husband tries to shower when the kids are sleeping or not on the same floor. When I shower too. I try to use a robe if there are no towels to grab. I have 2 ND kids so we have to create certain absolutes. My son has had tznius drilled into him at camp and school from teachers and therapists. My older ND child is more of an issue because she doesn't seem to understand modesty. So we have had times when we have to physically remove her. But it's a rule set in stone in our home.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 7:35 pm
| amother Honeydew wrote: | *A father taking young sons under bar mitzva in my circles Means father supervises young boy at mikva so he is safe from others. after boy has showered toiveled and redressed father sends son home/out of mikva area (depending on proximity to home) then father proceeds to tend to his own needs.
* my husband and I and I think many in the frum world have a level of tznius even between husband and wife. Unless for an intimate purpose we don't just randomly walk around I'm front of each other totally nude. When dressing and undressing coming out of shower. We either dress with locked door. Or in a tznius manner in front of each other (even when not in nida)
*I understand we are discussing a child with special needs. Then it is your obligation as parents to be two steps ahead of the game. Find a better way to lock the door. Yell from bathroom for someone to bring a towel. Dress fully in bathroom. Have spouse wait on gayrd give all clear child isn't in the bedroom. |
I was asking the mother whose husband chooses to shower with his sons why she wouldn’t send them to the mikva. I’m curious how she sees it.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 7:36 pm
| amother Honeydew wrote: | *A father taking young sons under bar mitzva in my circles Means father supervises young boy at mikva so he is safe from others. after boy has showered toiveled and redressed father sends son home/out of mikva area (depending on proximity to home) then father proceeds to tend to his own needs.
* my husband and I and I think many in the frum world have a level of tznius even between husband and wife. Unless for an intimate purpose we don't just randomly walk around I'm front of each other totally nude. When dressing and undressing coming out of shower. We either dress with locked door. Or in a tznius manner in front of each other (even when not in nida)
*I understand we are discussing a child with special needs. Then it is your obligation as parents to be two steps ahead of the game. Find a better way to lock the door. Yell from bathroom for someone to bring a towel. Dress fully in bathroom. Have spouse wait on gayrd give all clear child isn't in the bedroom. |
No it’s not the norm to not be naked in front of each other when you are in a locked bedroom.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 7:40 pm
I didn't comment much because the thread took a turn to discuss a different story.
This was in our master bathroom walking into the bedroom. He did not walk through the hallway of the house. My son was in the room already so he saw him.
The way I approached it was from the privacy angle but I was curious if I needed to address the naked part of the story, if it's traumatic for a child or whatever.
I have no idea how to enforce the privacy boundaries with a child that does not understand boundaries at all. He is relentless and strong willed. Consequences don't help to prevent repeat offenses, they are just punishments. He cannot make the connection in a way that he remembers next time.
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amother
Opal
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 7:42 pm
| amother Oleander wrote: | | No it’s not the norm to not be naked in front of each other when you are in a locked bedroom. |
How would you know? 
Should we make a poll????
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Raizle
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 7:43 pm
| amother OP wrote: | My son has never seen his father naked. He was also grossed out that I was casually talking to DH with him naked. Do we not address this at all?
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Sure U should address it. First address that he thinks it's gross. It's not gross and kids need to learn that. One of my earliest memories of my mother teaching me about tznius issues is that I said something about kissing on the lips being gross and my mother immediately corrected me and told me that actually it's not gross, it's a beautiful act of intimacy that's meant to be PRIVATE.
That's the difference
Nakedness, intimacy, all those things that kids call gross, we should teach them it's not gross but it's private.
Which will then bring you to the issue of him breaching your privacy and not respecting boundaries.
You can teach him that there is a different relationship between married parents then between parents and child. It's not appropriate for him to see his parents naked but it's appropriate for them to see each other. I don't see anything wrong with a child learning that.
And then go on to teach him that not respecting your privacy is the problem and not his father being naked in his own bedroom. It's perfectly legitimate to be naked in your own bedroom which is why he shouldn't be sneaking in when it's clear it was meant to be locked.
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