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Forum
-> Parenting our children
B'Syata D'Shmya
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 Sun, Jul 21 2024, 12:44 am
| amother OP wrote: | DH was in the bathroom taking a shower. I came into our room, walked into the walk in closet to get my clothes ready for tomorrow.
I hear DH coming out of the bathroom and I step out to ask him a question. Hes completely naked and says to me, I forgot my towel. I tell him that I saw a spare one under the sink. And just then my son gets up from laying on the floor between our beds and says Tatty, you have no clothes on, you're not supposed to walk around naked. Mommy close your eyes-ewww!
Wondering what you would do or say?
Note: Son is ND, he's 11 but maturity wise probably closer to 8. Also this is not the first time I saw him sneak in and hide in our room. As well as picking our lock twice. Once a regular lock and then we got a code lock and he opened that too.
Clearly there is a serious privacy boundary issue here. |
"You're right, Totty is going to fix that right now. Speaking of which, you arent supposed to be in my room hiding. Lets make sure that never happens again"
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amother
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 2:08 am
Seriously? What's the problem with it??
We have 2 big square shower heads that run at the same time. He puts shampoo on their hair, they wash themselves off and I wait outside to hand each one their towels and PJs...
DH is a Rav and his father is too and he said he remembers going in the shower with his father when he was 4/5 years old. DH said that halachically it's an issue when they are old enough to understand about se*.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 2:23 am
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Additionally, in the same place where it says that a son should not bathe with his father it says 2 brothers should not bathe with each other. Have you ever put 2 boys in the bath together?
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amother
Acacia
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 2:29 am
| amother Starflower wrote: | | Additionally, in the same place where it says that a son should not bathe with his father it says 2 brothers should not bathe with each other. Have you ever put 2 boys in the bath together? |
I bathe my 2 baby boys together all the time. 10 months and 2.5.
But why couldn’t op husband just yell, hey can you hand me a towel?
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amother
Broom
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 3:01 am
I would say
"This is why you can't sneak into our room. It's our private room for things like getting dressed. Tatty came in here to get dressed. You shouldn't be here." I would ignore the bit about you seeing him naked, unless he specifically were to bring it up.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 9:57 am
| amother Acacia wrote: | I bathe my 2 baby boys together all the time. 10 months and 2.5.
But why couldn’t op husband just yell, hey can you hand me a towel? |
Because he can freely walk around his room naked.
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amother
Hunter
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 10:05 am
| amother Starflower wrote: | Seriously? What's the problem with it??
We have 2 big square shower heads that run at the same time. He puts shampoo on their hair, they wash themselves off and I wait outside to hand each one their towels and PJs...
DH is a Rav and his father is too and he said he remembers going in the shower with his father when he was 4/5 years old. DH said that halachically it's an issue when they are old enough to understand about se*. |
Ew. At minimum your dh should wear a bathing suit. It’s really inappropriate what he’s doing.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 10:09 am
| amother Starflower wrote: | Seriously? What's the problem with it??
We have 2 big square shower heads that run at the same time. He puts shampoo on their hair, they wash themselves off and I wait outside to hand each one their towels and PJs...
DH is a Rav and his father is too and he said he remembers going in the shower with his father when he was 4/5 years old. DH said that halachically it's an issue when they are old enough to understand about se*. |
Major red flags. It’s not appropriate and him being a rav and not having this sensitivity is extremely concerning. And if it runs in the family even more red flags.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 10:14 am
| amother Starflower wrote: | | Additionally, in the same place where it says that a son should not bathe with his father it says 2 brothers should not bathe with each other. Have you ever put 2 boys in the bath together? |
So your husband is a rav and he doesn't follow either? Bathing with his son and 3 brothers bathing together? If you know that this is what it says why are you allowing this creepy disgusting behavior?
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amother
Sage
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 10:18 am
| amother Starflower wrote: | Seriously? What's the problem with it??
We have 2 big square shower heads that run at the same time. He puts shampoo on their hair, they wash themselves off and I wait outside to hand each one their towels and PJs...
DH is a Rav and his father is too and he said he remembers going in the shower with his father when he was 4/5 years old. DH said that halachically it's an issue when they are old enough to understand about se*. |
There are so many red flags in this post I don’t even know where to begin
He is continuing dysfunctional behaviors he grew up with, it’s not normal or healthy or appropriate at all. 6yr old showering with his father??? On what planet do you think that is at all okay?
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amother
Brass
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 10:21 am
| amother Taupe wrote: | I don’t think seeing him naked is the biggest deal.
My boys go to the mikvah on Erev Shabbos with my husband (community norm and minhag).
I think the privacy issue is a much bigger deal.
You need to figure out that piece for future. |
This is not a minhag in any community.
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erm
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 11:34 am
| amother Starflower wrote: | Seriously? What's the problem with it??
We have 2 big square shower heads that run at the same time. He puts shampoo on their hair, they wash themselves off and I wait outside to hand each one their towels and PJs...
DH is a Rav and his father is too and he said he remembers going in the shower with his father when he was 4/5 years old. DH said that halachically it's an issue when they are old enough to understand about se*. |
Each of your posts get creepier. Fathers should not be showering with their sons. Your sons shouldn’t see you looking at their father while he is naked. The whole scenario is so dysfunctional.
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happy chick
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 11:48 am
Slightly off topic, but how do you step out of the shower without drying off? Do you just walk around dripping water all over?
Unless he stood in the bathroom until he air-dried somewhat 
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Bnei Berak 10
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 11:57 am
| DrMom wrote: | Have there been any consequences for his past actions?
If he can understand "you are not supposed to walk around naked," he can also understand "you are not supposed to enter your parents' room without permission." |
That's what I also wanted to ask, what about consequences?
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happy chick
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 12:05 pm
I'm actually serious. When one of my kids forgets to take their towel off the hook behind the door, they walk across the bathroom dripping water. The next kid who has to go in the shower, throws a fit that the floor is all wet.
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NechaMom
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 12:06 pm
| happy chick wrote: | Slightly off topic, but how do you step out of the shower without drying off? Do you just walk around dripping water all over?
Unless he stood in the bathroom until he air-dried somewhat |
Exactly. You're supposed to be yelling "can someone get me a towellllllllllllllll"
In either case, I'd give my child a consequence for hiding in the room without permission. Focus on that and not on the scenerio. In the long run there's nothing wrong with him knowing that shower equals naked and forgetting a towel is human.
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amother
Plum
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 12:09 pm
| amother Starflower wrote: | Seriously? What's the problem with it??
We have 2 big square shower heads that run at the same time. He puts shampoo on their hair, they wash themselves off and I wait outside to hand each one their towels and PJs...
DH is a Rav and his father is too and he said he remembers going in the shower with his father when he was 4/5 years old. DH said that halachically it's an issue when they are old enough to understand about se*. |
Just letting you know, despite all the horrified reactions, I think you're right. There's nothing wrong with a same-gender parent bathing with young children. People's reactions here are way over the top.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 12:13 pm
| amother Plum wrote: | | Just letting you know, despite all the horrified reactions, I think you're right. There's nothing wrong with a same-gender parent bathing with young children. People's reactions here are way over the top. |
No it’s not over the top. When one desensitizes their kids to safety and privacy it leads to be targets for molestation. Besides the fact it’s a red flag that a father wants to be naked with his 6 year old boy. Once a kid is aware of their own body it’s time to be more careful and teach privacy and safety. That’s around 2.5-3.
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amother
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Sun, Jul 21 2024, 1:39 pm
| amother Starflower wrote: | Seriously? What's the problem with it??
We have 2 big square shower heads that run at the same time. He puts shampoo on their hair, they wash themselves off and I wait outside to hand each one their towels and PJs...
DH is a Rav and his father is too and he said he remembers going in the shower with his father when he was 4/5 years old. DH said that halachically it's an issue when they are old enough to understand about se*. |
Highly inappropriate. I don't care if he is a rov or not.
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