How do working women make it look so easy

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 8:27 pm

Is it all just an image? I feel so breathless and so overwhelmed from the constant rushing. In the morning I rush out of the house with my littles and in the afternoon I rush home. I cook dinner and schmooze with them (they’re really little) and then start the bathing and putting to bed. I’m really wondering how are others doing it with such ease, then I think maybe I also give off the image of ease. After all haven’t heard anyone say that they gave up working with kids and it was such a breeze this hole hamster wheel.
Does anyone have a secret or magic wand?

ShishKabob

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 8:29 pm

There is no secret wand.
Some days are better than others.
Some people are built differently.
Some people have more cleaning help.
Some people don't care if the house is a mess.
Some people just care to give an image on the outside, while inside they are a mess.
Some people do this for many years and then it catches up to them.
Some people collapse.

amother

Seashell

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 9:12 pm

You probably don't look like you're running a hamster wheel either.

Think about it - how much FT working moms do you know who loom completely wiped out?

When I was working FT my schedule was pretty much like the one you described. A neighbor once told me, how do you do it, you must be so geshikt, you always seem to have everything running perfectly. I was shocked that I didn't look like I was being stretched too thin, because I definitely felt that way!!

amother

Violet

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 9:17 pm

I work 40 hours a week, since my kids are babies.
No cleaning help.

My secrets-
1)having a very involved husband who does at least half of the parenting and housework, if not more.
2) being super organized with lists, schedules, and the most important thing- being way ahead of the game.
I write my supper menu for the next week on thursday/friday. Shop for all ingredients mtz"sh/early sunday. I prep whatever I can for suppers the night before. I think of chanukah (presents, parties, buying menorah oil and candles etc) 6 weeks before. Purim costumes, mishloach manos containers are assembled 2 months-4 weeks before. Shopping for yomtov clothing, 6 weeks before. (Mainly online shopping).

As long as im ahead of the game, theres not much pressure and it really helps

amother

Gardenia

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 9:22 pm

It's all an illusion. Do your neighbors know how you feel?
I certainly don't tell the other mothers at the bus stop that I fell asleep in my clothes last night without eating super because I was dealing with a sick baby and I desperately want to shower but it's a luxury today 🥴

amother

Melon

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 9:28 pm

OP I get you I work full time and I am always running somewhere .. . . also no cleaning help we do the best we can. I can't justify cleaning help or take out food when I don't have enough to retire on so saving whatever dollars I can as much as possible.

I try to make extra food Friday when I work from home and then that lasts until Wednesday. Laundry is done one night/day per week.

Doctors appointments are squeezed in somewhere . . .

The floor gets mopped every other week the bathrooms are cleaned a few times a week. The counters are cleaned once a week.

But it's definitely not easy working, being a mom, a husband, a child .. . the list goes on.

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 10:20 pm

amother Violet wrote:

I so relate.
I make my lists and have the ingredients by Sunday and I marinate and freeze the mains in ziplocks. Some sides are also prepped in advance and I take everything out the night before and allow to defrost in the fridge.
I have lists upon lists and live on them and with them!
And yes to being ready in advance. My entire kids winter wardrobe is done for winter minus the big boys pants.
But still the everyday grind of rushing is getting to me.

honey bunny

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 11:01 pm

Working can be very rewarding for some and gives you energy and happiness when its time to be home. I also love the sense of routine and organization that comes with it. I find being a SAHM very draining and unfulfilling so working to me actually is invigorating. I love being home with my kids in the evenings because I know I got up and out and did something productive that day.
My sister in law is a SAHM and she's all over the place , always has her head in a million places because she is so much more available.

amother

Pear

Thu, Jul 18 2024, 11:28 pm

I let my house be a mess for most of the week. My supper dishes from the night before get washed while I make supper. Suppers are simple. My kids do not go to sleep early.

It definitely was not easy street, but I am an easy going person, so most of the time I managed (not thrived) but also not drowning.

That's how I survived when my kids were very little. Now that they are older (ages 7-21) it's a little easier. My kids can self entertain. The bigger ones can help out with the little ones.

amother

Amber

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 8:08 pm

I don’t really make supper. Kids, I and my husband have to make do with having shabbos leftovers through Tuesday night. I find they anyways don’t eat much of what I would make, and for me chicken soup a few nights in a row is healthy enough. Wednesday is tuna or avocado toast and Thursday is pizza. So I guess that’s considered not managing? If I’m not making suppers because I simply don’t have the energy to get up and start chopping and stirring and washing pots every single night? Or maybe it is managing since we all get fed anyways, and I’m just not the cooking type.

amother

Quince

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

Your kids winter wardrobe is done? Where do you shop? They have sweaters and robes and shoes?

NotInNJMommy

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 9:17 pm

I cry in my office usually on Thursday afternoons. On the weekends, I hibernate and rarely leave my house.

And the groceries get bought, laundry gets done, and shabbos gets made lol

And bh for my sheitel so I don’t have any bad hair days.

amother

DarkGreen

Thu, Jul 25 2024, 2:32 pm

I always struggle in that I'm comparing myself to other people. Especially when it comes to cooking, I hear that someone made a good dish, I tell myself that I should be cooking more. I hear that someone has less cleaning help, why can't I have less, etc., but essentially, I think it's a game of working it out with your spouse to make it work, and for me, Google Calendar on my phone is super helpful to keep track of my daily routines, appointments, and tasks.
Good luck!

amother

Lightyellow

Thu, Jul 25 2024, 3:52 pm

honey bunny wrote:

This is me. I was so unproductive, unfulfilled and very unhappy when I was home. I am a much better wife and mother when I work outside of the house. I have so much more energy, I'm much more productive and so much less resentful.

I think some of it is a personality thing. I thrive being out but for someone who is struggling to manage - it must be very difficult.

I meal plan and never really set foot in a store. I do online shopping whenever possible. I have 8 kids ka"H and have never heard of or have I personally purchased wardrobes for my kids for different seasons so I don't have that to worry about. I do a ton of batch cooking and freezing and my husband is very hands on. We both work full time so household and child care responsibilities are on both of us.

I don't have cleaning help - we clean as a family and everyone pitches in. My house has clutter...but I've had to learn to deal with it.