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-> Parenting our children
amother
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 Fri, Jul 12 2024, 5:06 am
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Spin off from the other thread, when a poster said she often hears “HaShem gives you exactly the number of children you can handle”. Is there a source for this? I've never heard it before.
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amother
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Fri, Jul 12 2024, 5:18 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Spin off from the other thread, when a poster said she often hears “HaShem gives you exactly the number of children you can handle”. Is there a source for this? I've never heard it before. |
I don't know a source, but I think it's more correct to say that H' gives one as many children as they are meant to have.
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amother
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Fri, Jul 12 2024, 5:21 am
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Same source as Hashem only gives you what you can handle - misplaced logic.
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shabbatiscoming
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Fri, Jul 12 2024, 5:34 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Spin off from the other thread, when a poster said she often hears “HaShem gives you exactly the number of children you can handle”. Is there a source for this? I've never heard it before. | No, there is no source. Its not a nice thing to say and it could be extremely hurtful to the person it being said to.
There are so many things out there that people say have sources when in reality are just bubamiysas.
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amother
Linen
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Fri, Jul 12 2024, 7:16 am
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Isn’t is logical to say that whatever ends up happening in someone’s life is exactly the way that Hashem wanted it to be? Before the fact, we have bechira. After the fact, it was meant to be. This is the premise of the Garden of Emunah book and some others. It might not be the most easy to understand concept, but it’s true and it’s comforting.
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amother
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Fri, Jul 12 2024, 7:20 am
| amother Linen wrote: | | Isn’t is logical to say that whatever ends up happening in someone’s life is exactly the way that Hashem wanted it to be? Before the fact, we have bechira. After the fact, it was meant to be. This is the premise of the Garden of Emunah book and some others. It might not be the most easy to understand concept, but it’s true and it’s comforting. |
How it's meant to be and being able to handle it are two very different things
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Ruchel
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Fri, Jul 12 2024, 7:25 am
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Rebbetzin Tsipora Heller, an only child, said your number of child will give you the nachas you are meant to have
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amother
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Fri, Jul 12 2024, 7:32 am
| shabbatiscoming wrote: | No, there is no source. Its not a nice thing to say and it could be extremely hurtful to the person it being said to.
There are so many things out there that people say have sources when in reality are just bubamiysas. |
Chas v'shalom to ever say this to someone who is struggling with infertility! (If that's what you meant by hurtful)
I personally find it both comforting and reasuring. When I get overwhelmed with my children and I think how Hashem gives each person challenges that are tailored made for their neshama along with the kochos to overcome and grow from them - it's encouraging. When I think about having another child, and I'm already overwhelmed, but know that it is a Mitzvah and I think how hashem with each child hashem sends along brachos, and the kochos to raise them, I feel stronger and more confident.
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amother
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Fri, Jul 12 2024, 7:35 am
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Maybe I shouldn't have jumped into a discussion without background... what thread is this a spinoff of? What was the discussion about?
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amother
Maize
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Fri, Jul 12 2024, 7:37 am
| amother Poppy wrote: | Chas v'shalom to ever say this to someone who is struggling with infertility! (If that's what you meant by hurtful)
I personally find it both comforting and reasuring. When I get overwhelmed with my children and I think how Hashem gives each person challenges that are tailored made for their neshama along with the kochos to overcome and grow from them - it's encouraging. When I think about having another child, and I'm already overwhelmed, but know that it is a Mitzvah and I think how hashem with each child hashem sends along brachos, and the kochos to raise them, I feel stronger and more confident. |
I agree that it’s part of a person’s life mission to have as many children as they end up having, it’s divinely determined. But I don’t know what your source is for saying that Hashem sends the brachos and kochos to deal with them. I haven’t seen that to always be true.
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amother
Cognac
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Fri, Jul 12 2024, 8:02 am
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I don't know that there is a source specifically when it comes to children but there definitely are sources that Hashem only gives us things that we can handle.
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kneidelmeidel
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Fri, Jul 12 2024, 8:05 am
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Maybe H-Shem wants us to utilise His creation called birth control to ensure each of the precious neshomos He entrusts you with get a full, robust chance in life. (And yes I personally know this can happen in a big family, and can be lacking in a small family) We are supposed to be proactive in our destiny.
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shabbatiscoming
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Fri, Jul 12 2024, 8:14 am
| amother Cognac wrote: | | I don't know that there is a source specifically when it comes to children but there definitely are sources that Hashem only gives us things that we can handle. | Please show us the source because I personally thin that this sentence is just as silly as the one the OP was talking about.
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shabbatiscoming
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Fri, Jul 12 2024, 8:16 am
| amother Poppy wrote: | Chas v'shalom to ever say this to someone who is struggling with infertility! (If that's what you meant by hurtful)
I personally find it both comforting and reasuring. When I get overwhelmed with my children and I think how Hashem gives each person challenges that are tailored made for their neshama along with the kochos to overcome and grow from them - it's encouraging. When I think about having another child, and I'm already overwhelmed, but know that it is a Mitzvah and I think how hashem with each child hashem sends along brachos, and the kochos to raise them, I feel stronger and more confident. | It should never be said to anyone. Not everyone is open about their fertility troubles and its not always obvious.
I also dont believe that hashem tailors each person's challenges, but thats a whole other story. Im glad that this may help you, but it definitely does not feel this way for everyone at all.
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amother
Rainbow
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Fri, Jul 12 2024, 8:24 am
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amother
Dill
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Fri, Jul 12 2024, 8:28 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Spin off from the other thread, when a poster said she often hears “HaShem gives you exactly the number of children you can handle”. Is there a source for this? I've never heard it before. |
What’s an obnoxious and insulting things to say.
Just for reference:
I have a friend, with an only child. She is the most attentive without helicopter parent you have ever seen. Her house is clean, meals are always served, her child has beautiful manners attention, and all of her needs met – and then some. she would give her right arm for a second child. There is no question that she could handle, and handle beautifully, more than one child. She has the band with. She has the patience. And honestly, she has the financial means.
My other friends, has many children and she cannot handle what she has been given. The house is a mess, and truly dysfunctional. More often than not, people have to step in to help take care of her children. Their closing is torn and dirty, sometimes they smell, my children have asked if they could share food with them because they are hungry. (They are not poor and there are community resources if they are) The kids are alone on the streets when they should not be, and she doesn’t parent.
I feel like the statement is coming from some robot place where we have “so much emuna” that we cease to be thinking individuals.
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amother
Vanilla
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Fri, Jul 12 2024, 8:30 am
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I find it insulting. I can handle more kids. That’s not why I wasn’t given more.
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amother
Raspberry
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Fri, Jul 12 2024, 8:32 am
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There are plenty of people with way more kids than they can handle
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amother
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Fri, Jul 12 2024, 9:30 am
So in the original thread OP said it as someone who's mom has more kids then she could handle. I agree with her as I'm the oldest if a large double digit family where both parents have issues that hurt and damaged a lot of their kids.
I agree with Shabbat too. I have one child who I waited a long time for and no hopes of having anymore in the foreseeable future.
In both circumstances this comment is horribly offensive. I actually cried, more tears of frustration at someone's stupidness then pain but still the same.
Please think before you talk!
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