How much is an average wedding?

amother

Heather ↓

Thu, Jul 11 2024, 2:15 pm

In my circles, from what I hear it costs around 70k for basic. People keep saying their numbers are lower and listing all the wedding night expenses. We calculate everything for the apartment: The total gets split in half for chosson and kallah's side, including furniture, linen, housewares, security deposit on the apartment, any work the apartment might need to make it livable. If you're the chosson's side you also get less of a "say" in this aspect, so even if you would want to spend less, the kallah does the buying and arranging and you have to let go and pick your battles over which things you're gonna get nitty-gritty over the money.

So yes, while the wedding itself can be done cheaply for 30-40-50k, it's everything else that adds up. Outfitting all your kids for the wedding, for SB, for yourself for aufruf and SB. It's a lot, even if you spend cheaply.

amother

↑ Heather ↓

Thu, Jul 11 2024, 2:17 pm

amother Impatiens wrote:

Chosson's side, we spent under $40,000.

Takana hall where each side pays $8000. Yes, the menu was very basic but the photographer was good (no videographer; the other side doesn't hold from it), the flowers were nice (I think; I actually don't remember what they looked like, but the kallah's flowers were nice), the one man band and singer were included too, the badchan was $500 each side extra.

Jewelry was around $10,000, other gifts (flowers, machzorim, bday gift) were another $600-700. We made one SB for $2000. Chosson's wardrobe was about $7500 - including his shtreimels, bekeshes, and all clothing from the skin out. DH got a new shtreimel for $2500; I got a new sheitel for under $3000 (I live way OOT where sheitels just cost more; it wasn't a particularly high end sheitel.)

I bought a dress in Israel for around $350, plus $50 alterations. Aufruf and SB dresses were another $300. Makeup was $60. I only have boys, so no gown rentals, hair or makeup for my daughters - that saved a good few hundred, I see.

Aufruf - I made almost everything myself. We did spring for some things I am not capable of making, plus drinks - the whole thing cost under $800.

We sent out about 100 paper invitations. The local ones were hand delivered, postage for the rest was around $100.

And there you have it. A wedding for under $40,000, out of town!

And this is exhibit A for not including setting up the apartment.

And if you'd have girls instead of boys, well, add all that up for another few thousand.

You made one SB, but if you're the girl's side, you make Shabbos SB where you need to invite many more people than you can get away with for aufruf.

amother

↑ Diamond

Thu, Jul 11 2024, 3:14 pm

amother Heather wrote:

Surely it's illegal to rent an apartment that's not liveable. What does that even mean?

amother

↑ Impatiens

Thu, Jul 11 2024, 3:18 pm

amother Heather wrote:

Whoops, I forgot. We paid half of setting up the apartment, another couple of thousand because they're in a furnished apartment. When they move into their newly bought house (which we were able to help them with because we spent less on the wedding) they'll buy used furniture, for which we set aside about $5000.

If I had girls, I wouldn't be spending thousands on dresses or makeup or hair, because I just don't do that stuff. There are places to get dresses for cheaper than hundreds. Of course, if I had 10 daughters I'd be spending more, but if I had ten daughters, my son would have gotten a much cheaper shtreimel and I wouldn't have bought a new sheitel. Nor would DH have gotten a new shtreimel. We pay for what we can afford.

Also, please note that shtreimlach cost more than the kind of sheitels my daughters, if I had them, would be getting.

And don't forget - as the girl's side you don't have to give all that expensive jewelry. Based on what my DS got, I don't think the mechutonim spent more than $2500 total.

Shabbos SB I grant you is more expensive than one weekday SB. Most people I know don't make the whole thing themselves - family will make one or both of the Shabbos seudos.

amother

Cognac

Thu, Jul 11 2024, 3:34 pm

amother Orchid wrote:

This is all so messed up.

Agreed. I think there was such an opportunity to change this and make a really big difference when covid came around and everyone had to have a tiny or backyard wedding....and guess what???? Life went on.

If there was a "wedding takanos" asifa and collectively there was a decision to do it simpler, I imagine it could change.

Otherwise, you need a tremendous amount of self-confidence to do differently.

I did differently for myself and hope to be able to be mechanech my children that way as well. Rather use the money for a down payment or something else that lasts longer than the wedding night.

I get that it's an important night, but people after the war and during covid were just as "married" without all of this.

I think mine cost a total of $6K. TOTAL. Another $1K for Kallah Classes. No major vort or sheva brachos. Home for all of them (tiny!).

Backyard wedding, no professional photographer (less pressure to obsess about pictures so wedding was ON TIME)so no need to spend oodles on makeup/hair/dresses. Also told all the guests to take pictures and made a google drive to upload photos to.

My gown was $200. Makeup I did myself. A friend did my hair (simple. I just can't reach behind my head well). DH needed a new suit anyway so he bought it for the wedding and wore it after so not sure that counts.

Food was simple. Like a picnic (fruit. Freeze pops for the kids because summer. Like a bris/breakfast style food). I was the only one that wore a gown. Everyone else wore shabbos clothes in the color scheme. No one had hair or makeup done (no insanely expensive photographer so no need....)

Everyone was able to show up best for simchas chosson v'kallah without it feeling like a disconnected fashion show.

The only thing I'd do different is I'd have hired a photographer for after to do a mock photo shoot because I really did want pictures of just us two. But hiring a private photographer for a full day for just the 2 of us is cheaper than a wedding photographer and I get more variety pictures.

Yes, mine was a little because I'm more minimalistic. But I have money in the bank that I wouldn't have had otherwise. (furniture got for free from freebie groups or secondhand or used plastic/folding until something better came along, my ring was $400 etc). HOWEVER, there is a balance between where it can be a beautiful simcha without it being a social status thing (which is totally what it is now).

Maybe if we worked chinuch in terms of self-confidence, self-esteem, and the difference in stuff vs experiences, things could change.

End Rant.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Thu, Jul 11 2024, 4:40 pm

I got married in a lakewood takana (lake terrace) hall 8 years ago. Totally price that was split BTW the 2 sides was 16k for the hall, photography, fake flowers that were gorgeous BTW, and a 2-3 man band. I had my husband's friend sing at the chuppah for free.(He is now a pretty famous wedding singer).
My gown coat 1000 to rent and 250 in alterations. My mothers gowns was 200. I don't have any sisters so no more gowns. Makeup was 400. Chosson watch was 500. I didn't get special sb clothing. Neither did my mother. My vort dress was from lord and Taylor for 60$. I got 2 wigs 4k total. My parents did shabbos sb. Me and my mother cooked in everything in advance. We did it at my parents house. It was about 40 ppl-cost 650$. Vort was in a hall for 3k total price. Inc hall rental and food. My parents paid a starting photographer 50$ to do pics at the vort.
My parents gave us a significant amount of money for a down payment. It was the smartest thing. Wasting so much money on a wedding to pamper your guests is stupid. I wanted a takana wedding bc I thought it was so dumb to waste so much money in one night. I have no regrets. I plan on doing the same for my kids bezH.
I had a beautiful wedding!