What rewards to offer a 3 yr old NO food/TV.

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:33 pm

I am trying to move away from offering my DD food or TV time as a reward but I don't know what else would even motivate her?

Any suggestions of things you tried?

613mitzvahgirl

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:39 pm

How about stickers, activities that you can do together- like playing a game together, a story time together, going someplace special together- the library, a walk..

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:40 pm

Read some books, spend time together, I don’t offer rewards but do motivate with first and then for example: first we need to xyz and then we can xyz. They don’t need rewards when it becomes routine (first we pack away the toys then we will have dinner, first we bathe then we pick your favorite pjs, first we brush teeth then we can read a book etc)

amother

White

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:47 pm

At that age, you really want to avoid using rewards when not necessary because soon you'll end up with a kid who won't do anything without a prize.

A better approach is to work on increasing cooperation. The book how to talk so little kids will listen. Has some great ideas. Turning things into games. Using silly voices. Ideas like that can help your kids cooperate without a prize in the end.

Also, attention focused relationship building time (in plain English, a few minutes of playtime with your mother without her phone or any other distractions) can do wonders for increasing the amount of cooperation to experience on a day-to-day basis.

amother

Hibiscus ↓

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:50 pm

Please take Blimi Hellers parenting course.
You shouldn’t be bribing with food or tv
but honestly you shouldn’t be bribing for anything.
Bribing kids is manipulation.

advocate

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:57 pm

Obviously I don't know her or your family, but here are some ideas

Alone time with a parent -
Special outing with parent
Access to a special toy or activity - one she doesn't always get to do/use (bubbles, playdough)
Stickers
Gets to stay up X minutes late
Money - pushka or her own bank
Build a "fort"
Gets to sleep somewhere funny - livingroom, closet, bathtub, box
A special plate for dinner or breakfast
Gets to sit next to a parent when it's not the norm
Gets to pick the shabbos song
Gets to pick the first bedtime story, extra bedtime story
Gets to call someone on the phone
Play a game (that you don't usually like to play!)
Nail polish
Sidewalk chalk
Special socks that she only wears as a reward (google "notes to self socks" - you might have to make your own in her size)
Sparklers outside at night
Sprinkler time
Trip to the library
Gets to add an item to the grocery list
Let her wear a piece of costume jewelry that is yours
Start a napkin collection, and when she earns a reward, you add a new napkin

amother

Daylily ↓

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:58 pm

I have a prize bin we use for special occasions. Mostly overcoming a difficult obstacle. I also have a collection of special activities I pull out when needed. I stock up in dollar sections.

amother

↑ Daylily

Wed, Jul 10 2024, 10:59 pm

amother Hibiscus wrote:

Please take Blimi Hellers parenting course.
You shouldn’t be bribing with food or tv
but honestly you shouldn’t be bribing for anything.
Bribing kids is manipulation.

You can reward. Even as adults we enjoy rewards. Like bonuses at work for example. No one likes to work really hard for free. Also her course is not for everyone.

amother

NeonYellow

Thu, Jul 11 2024, 2:21 am

amother White wrote:

Nice in theory
I keep my kids home till 3. Bh they do amazing and will just do things to feel self accomplished or even some verbal positive feedback. Then they go to school and everything is bribed. Daven. Clean up. Even using the bathroom. Terrible. And even worse odds are its for junk. And then your kid comes home and says "what will you give me for it" . So sad.

amother

↑ Hibiscus

Thu, Jul 11 2024, 2:31 am

amother Daylily wrote:

You can reward. Even as adults we enjoy rewards. Like bonuses at work for example. No one likes to work really hard for free. Also her course is not for everyone.

You want to build intrinsic motivation in kids not stunt them with rewards and bribery.
You can do a positive exciting thing afterwards to reinforce behavior but to say it initially that if you do this I will do this is bribery and manipulative from the parent.

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Jul 11 2024, 10:24 pm

advocate wrote:

Thank you all these suggestions.