Child with fears- what to say?

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 12:22 am

My 6 year old is very scared of fire. Anything with fire frightens him- think burning the chametz, lag baomer etc.
What do I tell him when he says he is afraid etc?
How can I validate him without enabling him?
My husband is very into "he's allowed to be scared", while I try to listen to him, discuss, and work through it. My husband feels I am making things worse.

Today my husband read him a book which mentioned a fire, and he said he was scared. My husband kept telling him- it's ok you are allowed to be scared. My son got angrier and angrier. He came to cry to me that my husband is "laughing at him".

What is the best way to deal with this?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 12:48 am

amother OP wrote:

And in general, how do I know if this is just a regular childhood fear or something more?

amother

↑ OP

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 1:25 am

amother OP wrote:

Anyone experienced with this?

amother

Blue

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 6:42 am

amother OP wrote:

Anyone experienced with this?

IME there isn't one universal answer that kids like to hear. I don't think what your dh said is terrible, but clearly it wasn't calming and reassuring to your child. When you deal with them around their fears do they seem calmer after?

amother

Lightgreen

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 6:51 am

I
Am not an expert but I have a child with anxiety, same age. These days it’s elevators.
We don’t give in..kicking and screaming we will take him on one. And it’s become better bh.
Based on the reading we have done and consulting with psychologists, giving in to their fears sets them up for fear for life. We tell him “this is part of life, maybe it’s scary but the more scared you get and the more u think about it it will grow and grow and we want to help you that it shouldn’t become bigger.”
Something along those lines.
The message of “yes it’s scary to you and we’re here to help it become less scary” be there with them. Validate but don’t give in. Read the book with fire..
He has to learn to live with the unknown, it’s the only way to handle anxiety.
There are some books you can look up-Dawn Huebner is great.