Missing my kids | Imamother

mizle10

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:59 am

mummiedearest wrote:

Each kid will take things differently. This child now comes home with an idea of what she wants to tell me about instead of assuming I saw it all two weeks ago. It’s really ok. If I felt the need to check up on my kids, I wouldn’t send them to overnight camp.

ETA: it’s not spotting your kid boating. It’s sifting through hundreds of pics daily to see one or two images of your child having fun. Camps ask that parents notify them if they don’t see their child every couple of days. It’s way too much involvement imo.

This hasn't been my experience in any of the camps I've sent to.

amother

Hawthorn

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:59 am

I would say that the kids of the other mom (the one who is thrilled that her kids are away) will fare better in life and be more independent. I saw this play out in my own home. I didn’t have the same personality as my mother, and we clashed a lot. My sister was joined at the hip with my mother. Let’s just say I happily got married and established my own life. It took much longer for my sister, and they are still kinda joined at the hip … my sister would ask my mother how every outfit looks, let’s say before a date, and my mother would say - it’s too tight, or something like that. I said - I’m old enough to make my own decisions and not have someone else’s voice in my head putting doubts.

I’m actually thrilled that some of my kids are away. I’m thrilled when they go off to Bais Medrash. I don’t want to hold anyone back from becoming their best selves.

giftedmom

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 11:31 am

amother Hawthorn wrote:

You’re reacting from your trauma and I understand as I had similar growing up.
It’s still perfectly normal as a mother to have big feelings, as long as you don’t put them on your child.

amother

Clematis

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 11:35 am

I don't see how camps teach life skills and independence. All I see is trading family values for peer values and whomever runs the camp values. And a lot of less than wholesome habits like poor sleep and poor diet.

Sleep away isn't a thing in Europe, south America and Israel, and even in secular america its a week or 2 tops and often focused on sports and survival skills, and I don't think the kids there are missing out on any life skills.

I wish it wasn't a thing. Maybe a 14-15-16 year old for 2-3 weeks in a wholesome environment. But in lakewood EVERYONE has to go out of 7th grade. And the boys even earlier.

keym

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 11:51 am

amother Clematis wrote:

I must live in a different Lakewood.
In my community, 20% of "coming out of 6th grade" goes to camp, 60% of "coming out of 7th" and 90% of "coming out of 8th".
Boys and girls equally.

mummiedearest

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 12:15 pm

amother Clematis wrote:

Camps don’t really teach life skills or independence. They provide a structure and keep your kids busy. The experience of being away from their families and usual support system offers the opportunity to become better at problem solving and confident that they can be ok without running to parents for everything. I don’t think every child should go. I believe in sending if the child requests it and is capable of handling a bad summer on his or her own. The family values have to be strong before sending (tbh, I think school presents as much of a challenge to family values), and there have to be parameters to what parents will do. I will provide cheap clothing. I will not send nosh. If my child wants luxury goods, it’s out of her wallet, not mine. I will not pack everything myself, and if a child is old enough to go, said child is old enough to take care of laundry after. If the child in question will not cooperate with these things, camp is not happening. Camp is a luxury. I am just as happy to have my children home in the summer, regardless of what their friends are doing.

Kids will tell you everyone is doing xyz. They exaggerate. Keep your kids home if you don’t like sending to camp.

amother

Aconite

Thu, Jul 04 2024, 10:10 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

This is actually good for them. Children need space to differentiate from their parents. They need to be left to fend for themselves occasionally. This is how they learn problem solving skills and real confidence. 13 year olds do not need you to that degree. As they get older, they need to be given more and more freedom. Yourrelationship will evolve. They will still need you very much, but very differently than when they were little. Sometimes it’s harder for mothers to keep up with this.

I actually think camps send updates and pics too often. This allows parents to helicopter from afar and gives the kids the impression that this is preferred. My child used to get insulted that I never looked at the camp updates. I maintain that I don’t need to share all my child’s experiences in camp. If the kids want to show me pics of specific experiences when they get home and feel that is a fun way to recap, I will look then. Camps allow kids good Shabbos calls now (which I don’t really consider necessary either), and in a true emergency, I’d get a call. If I didn’t believe that, I wouldn’t send my kid.

Op, is this your first summer sending to camp? Write letters every day. That should help you. And remind yourself that your child will come back fine.

As a non-American, this is so foreign to me. My oldest just turned 11 and I would never send him away to camp for a few weeks and certainly wouldn't find it healthy if he wasn't allowed to contact his family for so long. For those not part of this culture, it sounds like a crazy thing to do.

amother

Petunia

Fri, Jul 05 2024, 12:50 am

I loved camp so, so much! Made friends there that I still have to this day. I remember crying and being homesick on rare occasions my first summer and was extremely nervous every summer before going on the bus to camp but it always worked out great and was so fun. I struggled socially because of drama in my class at school so the new social scene at camp was invaluable. Seriously the best memories!!

Of course some kids struggle and don’t enjoy it. But my experience was amazing and I am so grateful that my parents spent the money to send me.

Op, if your son was not okay then the staff would let him call before Friday. You should be getting a call tomorrow I assume so not much longer til you get to speak to him! I hope he’s enjoying it.

giftedmom

Fri, Jul 05 2024, 1:02 am

mummiedearest wrote:

Clearly camp isn’t optional for all of us. So yes I do send nosh. I pack (and unpack) everything myself. And no he isn’t doing any laundry. Camp isn’t a luxury it’s mandatory. I’d be happy to keep my child home.