Bringing in more money than husband

amother

Aconite

Wed, Jul 03 2024, 7:11 am

happyness wrote:

In marriage, there is a concept of emotional connection and respect. If we are not afraid of our spouse, we feel safe to share our hearts with them. Our worries, fears, hopes, and dreams.
The way you are listing your expectations of life in such a rigid logical way, I worry your husband is afraid to do other than your post. He may very well not feel safe sharing his truth with you.

Marriage is about being there for each other. Theoretically, It may be the man’s burden but in a loving marriage it becomes -‘how can I help you feel good?’ It becomes a joint journey in which I have the best for my spouse in mind.

I know a woman with your beliefs. Her husband never complains or tells her anything. He has also borrowed from everyone he knows and been shamed in Shul for not paying back- but she’s parading as he never borrows and she’s proud of her beliefs.

If he believes you should or can help out with the burden, then, of course, there is a purpose to share it with you. Howevere, if he believes you are having enough work in the house with laundry and kids, etc., then it is wiser not to insist on it.

amother

Aconite

Wed, Jul 03 2024, 7:13 am

amother Dodgerblue wrote:

Maybe your husband has extraordinary financial success. Maybe he’s a saint with amazing emunah.

Personally I share my feelings with dh when I’m worried about which school to send our children to, how our children are doing emotionally and socially, how they’re behaving…

And he has exhibited stress when he was at financially precarious times in our life.

We are humans and it’s actually normal and maybe even healthy to express feelings.

(I work and bring in 1/3 of the income but also get involved in our investments. He does 1/3 of the housekeeping /childcare type of stuff)

If you want to compare your sharing feelings with him to him sharing feelings with you, Im out.

He is a man and has different needs than us as far as I was toght.

ittsamother

Wed, Jul 03 2024, 7:21 am

amother Aconite wrote:

If you want to compare your sharing feelings with him to him sharing feelings with you, Im out.

He is a man and has different needs than us as far as I was toght.

Interesting, because I was taught that males and females are different, sure, but that all humans desire connection and all husbands and wives enjoy support from each other more than support from anyone else in the world.
My husband is my best friend, and I am his. There is no one in the world whose opinion I value more or whose thoughts are more important to me, and he feels the same.

amother

Aconite

Wed, Jul 03 2024, 7:33 am

ittsamother wrote:

True. And becouse he knows how much you value what he says to you. He should be very careful not to put extra stress on you if he knows it will just make your life more stressful, and there is nothing that you can actually do about it at this moment to help him.

ittsamother

Wed, Jul 03 2024, 7:58 am

amother Aconite wrote:

There's never "nothing I can actually do" if things are getting a bit tight this year:

Either I can look for more freelance work I can do to bring in some income on the side (this past year, I tutored in the evening once a week, I made a local daycamp on the summer fast days when I was off from work, I did an hour-long Sunday craft program for girls in the winter, etc),

I can budget even more when I'm shopping by cutting out splurges, buying slightly less of things, buying cheaper brands than usual, shopping in bulk in cheaper stores instead of using the more expensive one right near me,

And at the very least, I can hear his worries, let him vent to me, and help him feel assured that he has my full support and that I am doing all I can on my end to lessen the financial burden.

I have zero interest in making him carry it all in his head and heart while I blissfully continue on my merry way like there are no issues.

amother

Aconite

Wed, Jul 03 2024, 8:14 am

ittsamother wrote:

Not everyone can be or is like you. That's all I can tell you.

happyness

Wed, Jul 03 2024, 9:08 am

I don’t think there’s a point in continuing the conversation with aconite. My guess is that she’s gone to courses and imbibed the mekabel kind of mehalech in a twisted way.

No marriage is 100+…whatever that even means

You’re stuck in your head and I hope you see the light one day.

Don’t fool yourself- you may think you know it all, but you’re missing a key ingredient- emotional intimacy and connection on that beautiful level.

Ittsamother- you sound like such a wonderful wife and I’m sure your husband treasures you.

Marriage has only one obligation- to look out for and respect one another.

amother

Broom

Wed, Jul 03 2024, 9:13 am

Aconite I used to be u. Speak like you, believe like you, act like you.

It’s a farce. Your husband is squashing a lot. You’re not living life to the fullest quality.

Don’t wait till it implodes. Be humble and open your eyes and seek to learn

Your haughtiness here implies larger issues…

happyness

Wed, Jul 03 2024, 9:15 am

amother Aconite wrote:

I feel for you, I really do. Because it’s sad if you think that if a spouse has stress there’s no point in sharing if the other can’t help.
Marriage is a gift. We get to share our heart and just that is a help, often empowering, and connecting.

amother

Aconite

Wed, Jul 03 2024, 9:33 am

happyness wrote:

To sum up your post in one line: There is only one way of thinking/living, and that is how "I" think it suppose to be. Otherwise, or if you have another set of mind than me, you are stuck in your head.

I'm familiar with that kind of the I and me thought. Thank G-D im far away from that.

amother

Aconite

Wed, Jul 03 2024, 9:36 am

amother Broom wrote:

Can you elaborate more?

How do you know it's a farce? What experience made you change your mind about that?

amother

Teal

Wed, Jul 03 2024, 10:15 am

amother Gardenia wrote:

women working is a problem we brought upon ourselves
doesnt have to be this way

this is true.

the reality TODAY is that most couples dont have a choice and need two salaries.
but the idea of women working... modern feminism pushing for woman to have Equal and Same rights and privleges as men back in the day when it was possible to live on one income..

yeah.. thats where we screwed ourselves over.

anyone who brings up todays economy as the issue is mostly missing the boat