I think husband is trying to take the house from me

amother

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 12:19 pm

We’re headed towards divorce. I know he is planning secretly.
I don’t want to share too many details but this is what it is.

My husband has been working a couple of odd inconsistent jobs over the years but insisted he wants to pay the mortgage.
(I believe because I wanted to move and he doesn’t want to so paying the mortgage sort of keeps me in this place)

My husband missed a payment lately and this month I started driving him crazy that we need to pay. I work but I don’t make enough and all the money that I will get this month is already to cover other expenses.

Today is the 30th and the last day to pay this month’s mortgage.
I asked him this morning what his plan is. He said that he will use the money that I make from my job. I told him that I already have to use it for other expenses.
He said I need to give it to him anyway and he will decide what expenses the money has to cover.
Then he said that he will put the house on his name so I don’t have to worry about payment.

I asked him what will this help with payment? So he just repeated that he will put it on his name and this month I have to pay for the mortgage

Can he do this? He has my social security, my legal info. Can he just switch the house over to his name?

amother

Ballota

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 12:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

Is the deed in his name or yours?

And time to reach out to a lawyer to protect yourself. Regardless, a house is a shared asset.

amother

Cherry

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 12:26 pm

Save any communications with that information. You might want to be the first to file for divorce if this is going on. In NY, when you file, automatic orders go in place that are supposed to prevent this from happening. Any transfers without your permission are fraudulent and subject to court review. You should speak with a lawyer to get advice about bringing a motion for sole use and occupancy of the home and support orders indicating who is responsible for paying what expenses. You are not obligated to give him your salary, no matter what he tells you. If you are in another state, procedures may be different, but you still have rights. Also, be careful not to sign any agreement for arbitration in Beis Din until you have reviewed everything with a competent lawyer who represents your side.

amother

Dodgerblue

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 12:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ok I’ll get a lawyer. But how do I pay the mortgage this month? If I don’t pay he’ll have more reason to take the house.
And once I get a lawyer, isn’t it a whole long process until I get myself protected?

Contact a lawyer asap they should be able to give you advice how to proceed immediately. What immediate steps you should be doing to protect yourself.

amother

Obsidian

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 12:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

Not true. As of now it’s a joint responsibility and it doesn’t give him a right to take it.

amother

Denim

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 12:58 pm

First of all, he can’t just transfer the deed over to himself. He would need major legal signed documents form you (notarized) in order to do that, and he wouldn’t be able to commit that level of fraud even if he tried

But for arguments sake, EVEN if he somehow managed it and now the house solely is in his name, it doesn’t matter. You are legally married and therefore it’s a shared asset regardless. It doesn’t matter whose name is on the deed at the time of buying OR divorce, you both are entitled to the house

You should definitely hire a lawyer to learn how to protect yourself financially. DO NOT send you DH your money. You can pay the mortgage yourself by calling the mortgage company directly

amother

Olive

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 2:55 pm

Go to a lawyer first. He already damaged your credit. A lawyer will help you figure out what to pay first, how to pay it etc. Without a lawyer you will just dig yourself deeper into a hole.

Your husband has no clue what he is doing. So he may be trying to scam you out of the house, but the way he's going about it isn't going to get him anywhere. A lawyer will help you so he can't drag you down too much.

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 3:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

Whether you pay or he pays or nobody pays won't affect who gets the house in the event of a divorce. (Unless you would go into foreclosure and the bank would get it.) Neither of you know what you're doing. Lawyers can't protect you, they can only give you guidance and advice. Right now that's what you need.

The laws are complicated and very not intuitive. It's not how you're used to thinking of fair. That's where your lawyer comes in.

Like another olive, I'm more concerned he'll damage your credit which will harm you long-term, then do something which will affect your divorce settlement. Some things you might start thinking of is getting a copy of your credit report from the reporting agencies and possibly freezing your social security number. Send no new accounts can be opened in your name.

amother

Goldenrod

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:27 pm

Hi,
Just a piece of advice, if you're heading towards divorce, please get all your family legal documents: birth certificates, social security cards, passports etc and store it somewhere safe out of the house. Include all sentimental items and important documents.

I was happy with every document and computer files I saved out of the house by a family member before my married life unraveled. It was the best advice someone had given me, so I'm passing it on.

Hatzlacha! Hope you find a lawyer that can advise you regarding your house. Definitely don't tell your husband what you're doing...

amother

Cherry

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 7:15 pm

Advice regarding documents is spot on. Finally, take your phone to the Apple store or if you’re in the 5 Boros contact the Family Justice Center for a tech safety consult. You could have tracking software on your phone and dh could listen to your calls or read your emails. Set up a new email a d make sure he does not have access. You might need to use a “burner phone” so he does not know how to track it. Please keep in mind that the most dangerous time can be if he senses that you are planning and that he may lose control over you. Please identify a safe place to go or consult a lawyer about an order of protection. Ohel can give you advice if you’re in NY and possibly refer you to an attorney for advice or representation if you qualify.