So incredibly burnt out

amother

↑ Foxglove

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 5:46 pm

amother Foxglove wrote:

Similar situation. I found that going on 1 or 2 big, all day Sunday trips a summer (1-3 hours away), even with just the kids if my husband is too busy, makes a big difference and helps me feel like I went on vacation.

PS: there are great free or super low cost options where you can have a great time

amother

↑ Burntblack ↓

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 6:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

Hashem isn't a vending machine.
If I truly rely on Hashem, He still can say "no" and just not give it.

Of course He's not a vending machine. That is why I said it’s about the relationship and the long term “ride” of having bitachon. Telling Hashem I can’t do this anymore and I’m going to take two days I can’t technically take but I trust You will make it ok. And It will be no matter what the outcome. It’s a long term thing. You’ll be ok taking off two very needed days. Sometimes it’s appropriate to let go a little.

amother

↑ Papaya

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 6:09 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

I know u don’t want to hear it but sometimes u need to go over budget for things like a couple of days off. Rely on Hashem. He will take care of u. This is a need for u and He will find a way to provide if u truly rely on Him for it. Bitachon makes life calmer because it’s really not about what you do it’s about relying on Hashem and having that relationship.

I agree with this. I wrote above that I'm in the same situation and yes, I'm in debt. I still think it's important to spend on what you need for your sanity.

If you cant take any days off (which I understand, I have the same situation) I vote you get more cleaning help.

You're right, Hashems not a vending machine, and sometimes the answer is no. But it says "ushmartem m'od linafshoseichem". Hashem wants you to do whatever you CAN do to help yourself.

Think about what you can add or cut to make your life a little easier. Think about what you can do (are you off on Sunday?) For a mini vacation. Try your best to make it happen and Hashem will help you. Because it's a mitzvah and Hashem wants you to do mitzvos.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 6:10 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

Very bold for you to assert that I'll be ok taking off 2 days. When you don't know my finances.
Would you say that I'll be ok if it causes me to lose my job. If those 2 days of payment are the straw to repossession. Towards getting my kids kicked out of school.

Sometimes it's not ok to take off very needed days off. And putting it on Hashem means also being ok with potential negative results that come out of it.

And sometimes a vent is really just a vent.

amother

↑ Burntblack ↓

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 6:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

I see my comments are triggering you which is not my intention at all so I’ll bow out. But I just want to say I’ve been (and kind of still am) in situations like ur describing. Learning to turn to Hashem and not be so tightly in control has changed so much for me. Hishtadlus is an illusion. It really really is. No we don’t rely on nissim but rather aim for normative while understanding it’s all for show. In this case I would say normative includes not reaching this level
Of burnout and taking two days off if needed.

thesoundofmusic

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 7:02 pm

I am in the same situation. I feel like I could have written this post.
there is nothing more annoying than mixing in Hashem and ruchnius.
it SUCKS! when everyone is planning their summer and you can barely afford camp just to stay sane and work.
it is super hard. we all know that we need to have emuna and bitachon. but when you are totally burnt out and exahusted and finances are so tight that you cant really even do anything to ease the burden and everywhere you look there is adds for vacations in florida nd ey and europe and hotels and people going it way it makes us burnt out women have such a hard- harder than ever time. we chalish to pack up the family and go to a simple little vacay- and we can only dream about it....

amother

Latte

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 8:24 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

I like your mindset. Your attitude is so refreshing. Can you recommend a good learning book?

amother

↑ Burntblack

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 8:38 pm

amother Latte wrote:

I like your mindset. Your attitude is so refreshing. Can you recommend a good learning book?

A very easy place to start is Michael safdiehs watsapp group where he posts a short clip every day about learning to rely on Hashem.
Also R’ Shaya cohen has a ton of amazing resources on emunah and bitachon.

amother

Canary

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 9:07 pm

Don’t knock Shaar HaBitachon! It was such a paradigm shifter. I learned it from Rabbi Shais Taub on his SoulWords podcast.

Yes I can’t afford to go on vacation this summer, and I have nowhere to go. I’m not depressed. I’m happy that I can afford camp for my kids B”H. I let the vacations “turn up” every now and then when we have a Simcha in another state or something like that. I can read many books about exotic places and cultures. I’m not just saying that to be patronizing; it’s the truth.

amother

Tomato ↓

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 10:55 pm

Btdt. And taking a vacation is a band aid solution that might make you feel good for two days, but you need a real solution. Can you switch to a less physically demanding job? I left my job to do remote office work, from home. It has bh been life changing.
Can you make small adjustments to your day, like taking a nap during lunch? Eat a square of chocolate slowly while taking a deep breath and telling yourself "wow, you work so hard"? Take the scenic route home while listening to music and breathing deeply?
Also, I love to take imaginary vacations. Like the previous poster who suggested looking at books of exotic places.
Don't kid yourself, the people on the fancy vacations are not relaxed at all. They're just stressing about life while they're there!

amother

Petunia

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 8:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

Bump.
The tuition committee is insisting we pay more than we thought.
So now, im scrambling for even more money and a vacation looks even further and further away.

What will actually happen if you take a vacation?

amother

Seafoam

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 9:03 pm

I’m with you OP. We’re about 30k in debt and were denied a tuition scholarship for next year. I’m so incredibly burnt out and just always running on stress adrenaline, melting down from it at least once a week. I have 4 hours of cleaning help twice a month that I really can’t afford, but I also don’t have a spare 2 hours every week to do the deep cleaning myself (and let’s be honest, it would take me more like 3). I can’t afford to work less or have any more help, but I also just need a break to myself. Even without the worrying about the finances piece, the running 18 hours a day is just killing me.

amother

Banana

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 9:09 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

How do I join this group?

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 11:10 pm

amother Tomato wrote:

Op, what will happen if you just unilaterally decide to pay what you can afford for tuition?
In most communities, your kids will not be kicked out of school.

My school will withhold transcripts and diplomas if tuition is not paid up.

mac n cheese

Tue, Jul 02 2024, 11:14 pm

Many summers I worked the same hours while everyone else vacationed and I was beyond burnt out. I feel for you! One thing that was helpful was to keep a list of one thing I did each day which made it feel like summer - at the end of that summer I felt much more refreshed than ever before - very few of the things cost money or time off - like picnic for supper, made a great iced coffee, davened outside, read a book, ice cream… etc