So incredibly burnt out

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 9:04 am

This is just a vent.
I need sympathy.

I work 35 hours a week at a physically exhausting job. It pays the bills. Just.
We are pushed to the limit and everything just keeps going up and up. (My husband works 45 hours a week plus an hour commute each way).

All around me, everyone is talking about their summer plans and summer vacations.
Im not taking off. I can't. I don't have the vacation days and I can't afford to take off without pay.
I have a little cleaning help (2 hours a week) but nothing else.

I am exhausted. And burnt out. I want to take off but cant afford to. And I get so frustrated. Every day a new thing goes up. Tuition went up. Electric bills. Water. And each bill makes the likelihood of taking off further and further away.

Aaaaahhhhhhh

amother

Cyan ↓

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 9:07 am

Hugs, it's really really difficult.
I'm saying this because I really think this will alleviate some or all of your burden.
Don't do this alone, you can't survive like this.
Do yourself a huge favor and learn Shaar Habitachon from Chovos Halvovos.
You will change your entire mindset and your entire life.
And maybe even ease your financial burden if you believe that your parnossa comes from Hashem and not from the amount of hours that you put in, and not from your paycheck.
It's life altering.

amother

Papaya ↓

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 9:26 am

amother Cyan wrote:

Are you in OP's position? I am, and I find your post extremely condescending. I learn chovos halvovos. But the situation is just hard.

OP I'm in the same boat as you the only way I manage is that I do spend money on convenience stuff which bothers me but I know I need it for my sanity.

I'm also working on carving out some "me" time to replenish... honestly the hardest thing to do and I'm still working on it, but I know its it's necessary.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 9:58 am

amother Papaya wrote:

Thank you for understanding.
Honestly, carving out me time feels ridiculous because it feels so useless - like a drop in the bucket.
If I'm feeling this level of exhaustion and burnout, it feels useless to take a bath, go for a walk,or buy myself an iced coffee because it would barely make a difference in my burnout levels.

amother

Burntblack ↓

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 10:03 am

What about taking two days off?
I second this about sometimes you have to just dive in and do what you need and Hashem will help you. If you really need this then take the two days even if you can’t afford to. Two days will not spiral you into debt, and just tell Hashem how badly u need this and how you are confident He will help you make it work.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 10:25 am

amother Celeste wrote:

I hope you are getting a tuition break!

Some. Nowhere near the break we really need
Also not getting a rent break or grocery break or anything.

amother

Melon ↓

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 10:26 am

No answer. Similar story here. I work almost 40 hours a week and always exhausted. Plus housework. Plus dealing with appointments and kid stuff.
I feel like a hamster on a wheel.
We also aren't making it financially as my selfish husband is unemployed, picky at finding jobs (will only apply if "worth it" and "good for career" instead of helping us get food on the table!!), only does a pittance of household stuff, and expects me to do it all. Literally will not make a kids appointment or schedule anything.
Oh and how dare anyone ask him to do anything.

I am just burnt out.

(Yes in couples but it is going nowhere. I am pretty much done here being a single parent while married).

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:18 am

Please stop telling me to just take off.
You don't know my finances. You don't know if I can afford it or not.
Unless you're offering to pay tuition or rent, it's inappropriate.

I stated this was a vent.

amother

Coral

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:34 am

OP, hugs!
I understand. It's really hard. Everyone around me is making plans for the summer. Packing up to go upstate. I'm stuck at work in the filthy smelly city. Yes I know parnasah comes from Hashem duh!

amother

Aqua

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 11:47 am

amother OP wrote:

I’m just saying I’m probably about ten thousand dollars in debt currently. I don’t care anymore. Dh has two jobs and I work. At this point I don’t care anymore how much debt I’m
In. I need to enjoy life also or I’m going to end up depressed or worse. I can’t just work work work and get nothing back in return

amother

↑ Cyan

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 12:40 pm

amother Papaya wrote:

Yes! I am in op's position. I work very hard, did not go on vacation for many years. Is it difficult? yes! Do I get my little mini breaks here and there? yes! Hashem sends me things that I don't have to pay for out of my own pocket. Think winning things and so on. I open myself up to help from Hashem and I don't supply Him with ways of how to send it to me.
I know exactly what it means not having money for a pair of shoes for my kids, I know what it means not to know how to go shopping for Shabbos. What I also know, is that when I am mechazek myself with Emunah and Bitachon, Hashem always pulls through. I first have to do the inner work and Hashem does the rest.

amother

Hosta

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:07 pm

I don't have any solutions for you, OP. It sucks. Allow yourself to wallow in it and embrace the suckiness. That's what I do. Then I pick myself up off the metaphorical floor and just jeep going. I joke about the horse in the 1800s that's being ridden really hard until the next town and then swapped out for a fresh one to get to the next stop. Except I'm the horse and there is break waiting. The burnout is real.

amother

Amaranthus

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:42 pm

I totally hear you, I also work full time and rarely take off while all my friends are panning their summer vacations. Would going away for shabbas be an option and come back Sunday night? This way you still get the feeling of going away without taking off from work

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:43 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

Nowhere to go. No family close enough.
We can't afford the cost of a hotel or AirBnB.
Our summer budget is overdrawn on necessary daycamp

amother

↑ Burntblack ↓

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 1:46 pm

I know u don’t want to hear it but sometimes u need to go over budget for things like a couple of days off. Rely on Hashem. He will take care of u. This is a need for u and He will find a way to provide if u truly rely on Him for it. Bitachon makes life calmer because it’s really not about what you do it’s about relying on Hashem and having that relationship.

amother

↑ Melon

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 5:36 pm

Yep. I need a solo vacation. Where I can just be. But it isn't happening. No money for anything extra, even an iced drink and donut at a Cafe so I can sit quietly and read a book.
I need every hour of work possible.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 5:39 pm

amother Burntblack wrote:

Hashem isn't a vending machine.
If I truly rely on Hashem, He still can say "no" and just not give it.

amother

Foxglove ↓

Mon, Jun 24 2024, 5:42 pm

Similar situation. I found that going on 1 or 2 big, all day Sunday trips a summer (1-3 hours away), even with just the kids if my husband is too busy, makes a big difference and helps me feel like I went on vacation.