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-> Parenting our children
-> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
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amother
OP
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 Tue, Jul 02 2024, 6:01 pm
My son is just turned 3 and his camp called to tell me he’s been hitting and pushing non stop, at the beginning of the year at his playgroup I was told the same and took him out because I thought he was not ready for it. For some background he has a speech delay and processing delay.
I’m at loss what to do, he’s been home since January and I’ve been focusing so much on his behavior and how hitting is wrong and I really thought he was done with it, he’s been so much better around family but now I’m in tears from this phone call.
Why Hashem is hitting?? Why won’t he stop?
And he’s my oldest and I’ve been so patient with him I always talk it out with him I do not do potches (please don’t suggest that it’s not for me, you do you) I give postive reinforcement when needed, I punish by sitting him aside and trying to talk it out with him
I’m venting or maybe would love advice I’m just so so so sad over this
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amother
Smokey
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Tue, Jul 02 2024, 6:04 pm
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I'd have him evaluated. It could be he gets overwhelmed in big settings and he needs a small backyard camp with 5-6 kids. Or it can by a sign of a bigger issue.
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amother
Lemonchiffon
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Tue, Jul 02 2024, 6:08 pm
His hitting is a behavior but it is a symptom, not the issue. What is behind it? What triggers it? Does it happen more often in specific settings or at specific times such as when tired? How is his communication? If communicating verbally is difficult sometimes children turn to nonverbal communication and not all is appropriate. What are his play skills like? How does he interact with peers? Does he want to play with them but not know how so resort to hitting instead?
Every child wants to behave and wants to please. If they aren't it's because there is a weakness somewhere that prevents the ability to do what is expected. Looking into the reason behind his behavior may help you find better direction. It's not always just about positivity, attention and reinforcing behavior. The best gift you can give a child is to help them learn skills.
Hope you get some clarity and things improve quickly and smoothly
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amother
OP
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Tue, Jul 02 2024, 6:40 pm
| amother Smokey wrote: | | I'd have him evaluated. It could be he gets overwhelmed in big settings and he needs a small backyard camp with 5-6 kids. Or it can by a sign of a bigger issue. |
What type of bigger issue?
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amother
Smokey
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Tue, Jul 02 2024, 6:42 pm
Adhd, asd, processing disorder…
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amother
OP
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Tue, Jul 02 2024, 6:43 pm
| amother Lemonchiffon wrote: | His hitting is a behavior but it is a symptom, not the issue. What is behind it? What triggers it? Does it happen more often in specific settings or at specific times such as when tired? How is his communication? If communicating verbally is difficult sometimes children turn to nonverbal communication and not all is appropriate. What are his play skills like? How does he interact with peers? Does he want to play with them but not know how so resort to hitting instead?
Every child wants to behave and wants to please. If they aren't it's because there is a weakness somewhere that prevents the ability to do what is expected. Looking into the reason behind his behavior may help you find better direction. It's not always just about positivity, attention and reinforcing behavior. The best gift you can give a child is to help them learn skills.
Hope you get some clarity and things improve quickly and smoothly |
I’m not sure what triggers it in camp, but let’s say at home we’re all playing together and he’ll just take a toy and throw it at one of them.. his communication isn’t the best and still needs help speaking, I’ve been trying to teach him to say I want the ball/toy/blocks etc or take turns. But he does play with them nicely but according to camp he’s hitting his non stop how do I find a reason behind it
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mummiedearest
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Tue, Jul 02 2024, 6:44 pm
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Have you gotten him help for his delays? This is normal for a child who has a hard time communicating. Focus on that and he’ll settle down. And only put him in small groups with warm, maternal morahs if he needs to be in a program.
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amother
OP
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Tue, Jul 02 2024, 6:45 pm
He does have a processing delay I forgot to mention in the post, ADHD possibly he does not sit for a minute
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amother
OP
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Tue, Jul 02 2024, 6:46 pm
| mummiedearest wrote: | | Have you gotten him help for his delays? This is normal for a child who has a hard time communicating. Focus on that and he’ll settle down. And only put him in small groups with warm, maternal morahs if he needs to be in a program. |
Yes he’s been getting services and bzh he will be in a small school setting in the upcoming year that will help with his delays
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mushkamothers
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Tue, Jul 02 2024, 6:46 pm
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He has a speech delay and processing delay. What help is he getting for this? He needs professional intervention for this.
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amother
OP
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Tue, Jul 02 2024, 6:47 pm
| mushkamothers wrote: | | He has a speech delay and processing delay. What help is he getting for this? He needs professional intervention for this. |
He gets OT and speech, what other help should I be looking into?
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amother
Firebrick
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Tue, Jul 02 2024, 6:48 pm
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amother
OP
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Tue, Jul 02 2024, 6:49 pm
I set up a meeting w a bcba for next week actually
You think aba can help?
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amother
Zinnia
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Tue, Jul 02 2024, 6:52 pm
It makes sense for a kid with speech delays to lash out when they need something but can’t express it. Imagine being in his shoes and constantly struggling with expressing what you need when everyone around you is faster and quicker at it. It’s extremely frustrating!
Super easy to lash out because that gets quick results..
I don’t have much tips other than trying to figure out if it’s constant or just happening in certain environments and giving him the words he can use to get what he needs instead of the hitting.
Do you have an option of putting him into a smaller place for the summer that can accommodate his struggles better?
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amother
OP
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Tue, Jul 02 2024, 6:56 pm
| amother Zinnia wrote: | It makes sense for a kid with speech delays to lash out when they need something but can’t express it. Imagine being in his shoes and constantly struggling with expressing what you need when everyone around you is faster and quicker at it. It’s extremely frustrating!
Super easy to lash out because that gets quick results..
I don’t have much tips other than trying to figure out if it’s constant or just happening in certain environments and giving him the words he can use to get what he needs instead of the hitting.
Do you have an option of putting him into a smaller place for the summer that can accommodate his struggles better? |
No I don’t think so but I will look around and see, usually the smaller camps are run by younger counselors and I don’t think that would be a good idea
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amother
Smokey
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Tue, Jul 02 2024, 7:01 pm
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Maybe you can hire a shadow to sit with him and redirect and help him express his needs.
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mummiedearest
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Tue, Jul 02 2024, 7:01 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Yes he’s been getting services and bzh he will be in a small school setting in the upcoming year that will help with his delays |
Everyone around him understands and speaks faster than he does. This is absolutely normal/to be expected. Don’t take him for even more help unless you feel speech can be more frequent. I would not do ABA. Give him time to learn better and come up with coping mechanisms. Maturity will help, but for now I’d keep him home if I were you. Regular one on one play dates would be best for him, with you in attendance. Otherwise, give it time and your current regimen of therapies.
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amother
Zinnia
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Tue, Jul 02 2024, 7:06 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | No I don’t think so but I will look around and see, usually the smaller camps are run by younger counselors and I don’t think that would be a good idea |
True it’s not necessarily about the size of the place more about how much they are willing to stretch to deal with your kid’s challenges.
Do they know that he’s getting speech and OT? Would they be willing to work with the therapists to address the behaviors and help him find other ways to get what he needs?
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amother
Celeste
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Wed, Jul 03 2024, 11:48 pm
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If you're interested in an alternative/root cause approach you may want to consider cleaning up his diet and improving his gut health. Poor gut health and food intolerances have been scientifally linked to aggression in children and also to developmental delays.
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mushkamothers
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Thu, Jul 04 2024, 12:14 am
| amother OP wrote: | | He gets OT and speech, what other help should I be looking into? |
Making sure the providers are good and possibly paying privately if they're not
OT working on reflex integration, you can also pursue other modalities like MNRI, Anat baniel or feldenkrais
Speech working on the specific issues, not just articulation but also language or processing or whatever it is
Definitely SEIT or other 1 on 1 services in the classroom or where possible
Lots of positive attention - if you can't do it, get a babysitter to provide it.
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