Are there still Harry communities

amother

Cadetblue

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 11:41 pm

amother Candycane wrote:

Look into Detroit and Jacksonville FL.

I'm guessing you don't live in Detroit. it follows the general rule, which is the more bais yaakov-y, the more obsessed they are with name brands and other gashmius.

amother

Oak ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 11:45 pm

IK you said IYKYK. BUT what about those of us who DK. Can someone be so kind and fill us in? We'd also love to K what a Harry community means.

amother

Royalblue

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 11:46 pm

I think Rochester, but it’s small. Maybe someone who lives/lived there can answer .

amother

Yolk

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 11:47 pm

BALTIMORE

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 11:50 pm

amother Oak wrote:

IK you said IYKYK. BUT what about those of us who DK. Can someone be so kind and fill us in? We'd also love to K what a Harry community means.

I googled it and found this previous imamother thread: https://www.imamother.com/foru.....02432

amother

↑ Oak

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 11:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

I googled it and found this previous imamother thread: https://www.imamother.com/foru.....02432

Ooooooh I think I'd enjoy such a community as well. Thanks for explaining!

tryinghard

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 11:59 pm

amother Royalblue wrote:

I think Rochester, but it’s small. Maybe someone who lives/lived there can answer .

Rochester meets all of the criteria except possibly the homeschooling one, but there’s a lot of room to just do what you want to do anyway

amother

↑ Iris ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 12:03 am

amother OP wrote:

I dont even know what those are lol

Lol....I'm telling you...if you like the East Coast, check out Silver Spring! Not just because brand names are not such a thing, it's also mixed religiously, people really get along. Not yeshivish, although there some more yeshivish people there. Only downside, they housing isn't cheap (but most places on East Coast where frum people live aren't cheap!)

bigsis144

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 12:06 am

Another vote for Silver Spring.

Lots of homeschoolers (and a Jewish Montessori school with a hybrid homeschool program so kids have a social group for arts classes and field trips)

My husband bought a straw fedora on a business trip to Hawaii once and wears it on hot, humid Shabbos days. We are nerdy and proud - you do you 😆

amother

Gray ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 1:14 am

amother Oak wrote:

IK you said IYKYK. BUT what about those of us who DK. Can someone be so kind and fill us in? We'd also love to K what a Harry community means.

Out of townish, nerdy
Not an insult for me. I wish I lived in a Harry community.

amother

Lightgreen ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 1:59 am

amother OP wrote:

Iykyk

Planning to move in a couple of years when DH finishes school. Our kids are little. We were both raised yeshivish but now consider ourselves JPF. Don't really care about restaurants or clothing stores.

ISO a community with the following specific attributes:
-Full of out-of-style nerds who don’t know or care about frum standards of materialism
-People sincere in whatever level of Judaism they’re holding at
-Majority of women wear skirts/cover hair
-Fully acceptable for women and girls to ride bikes in public
-Homeschooling accepted or at least not ostracized (not dead set on homeschooling but are curious about it as an option)
-Walkable-ish
-Normal to play outside with the other kids on the block

20 years ago I feel like the instant answer to this question would have been ‘Baltimore’ but not sure that's still the case

edit - anywhere in the US

For all those screaming BALTIMORE, I wonder if we live in the same Baltimore.
OP you're right- Baltimore is diverse. BUT, to say it is full of Harry's is stretching it, by a lot. Maybe 20 years ago like you said (I don't know I didn't live here yet), but it has become very in towny in certain neighborhoods and shuls. Are there Harry's? Yes. Are there those who are not mainstream (to put it mildly)? uhhhh....Yes. I work in one of the schools. I get to see close up the dynamics. The Lakewood in town type- think cool, yeshivish are considered mainstream here.
The more colorful, interesting ones are on the fringes.
They have each other and are happy. But please don't say they're the norm, because you're setting them up for disappointment. I get to see daily how some of these kids truly suffer because their only friends are similarly interesting and they are not accepted by the popular groups. The schools try hard to help these kids but is that how you want the hanhala to think of your kid?
I'm saying it how it is. People come to Baltimore thinking that you can do what you want and you'll be accepted by one and all. You won't get eyeball rolls like in some other places, but your kids will not be becoming friends with the with-it crowd anytime soon and you will find yourself on the fringes. If you're alright with that, then by all means come.

Almost all women wear skirts and cover hair but there are a nice amount of modern families here and the more yeshivish men try not to shop at the local grocery certain days when there are lower standards of skirt lengths and hair covering.
It is not acceptable for women and girls to ride bikes- those on the fringes like I referenced earlier will do that, but are not considered mainstream.
There are kids that are homeschooled, definitely not the norm and see above about "the fringes"
You need a car
Normal to play outside. Drive up and down the streets, kids are everywhere on scooters, bikes, segways.....

It's a great place to live, but want to be honest about the reality. If you want to be nerdy, you will find like-minded people and kol hakavod to you, but don't be surprised to find that you're not considered in the box

I think Silver Spring is a great choice and also Atlanta, Cleveland, Boston, Passaic, Philadelphia from what I know.

amother

Mulberry ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 2:14 am

amother Iris wrote:

I moved to Baltimore and don't think it's so Harryish. (At least where I live isn't). It's definitely no 5 Towns or Brooklyn or Lakewood (though plenty of people dress to the 9's here too ) but I don't think it's the nebby Baltimore of old (obviously there are parts.) You can dress your kids in Tottini and Kidichic and be totally with it which I find nice as I like to have my kids look nice but not spend crazy.

Silver Spring is much more out of town and much more accepting in general I think. I have family there and really anything goes. You should visit and get a sense for yourself. It's also much smaller and feels much friendlier to me than Baltimore. Not that people aren't friendly in Baltimore but it's just so big and so many people are from here with tons of friends from forever and relatives that they don't really make an effort to make new friends because they're all set.

Lol those are in-town companies!

amother

Cognac

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 4:22 am

My observation about Baltimore:

We have close relatives who live there and have spent many shabbosim and yommim tovim there. It's a beautiful community. However, my preteen nieces and nephews are as fashion self-conscious as any Lakewood kid, and actually put an enormous amount of pressure on their parents for brand names. They have all the stuff I hear about from (and don't get for) my kids: moose knuckle coats and baseball caps, Lululemon fanny packs and pants, Ferragamo shoes. Their parents shlep into Lakewood several times a year for shopping trips. This is apparently the norm in their circles.

amother

Turquoise ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 4:45 am

Another vote for Silver Spring!!

Ruchel ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 4:54 am

Apart from home school /natural there are so many people like that in less rich communities in Europe

amother

Snowflake ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 4:54 am

Cleveland changed. We b”H grew a lot, meaning lots of non-Clevelanders moved here, and brought different values with them. My teen and young adult kids are very aware of gashmius trends and follow them. There’s not the same level of pressure their Lakewood cousins have, but there still is pressure.

Detroit is the same, from what I see.

I agree that Silver Spring is a very nice “Harry” type community but it’s pretty small and the cost of living isn’t great and there’s more traffic than I would want to deal with on a daily basis. Rochester could work but it’s risky because you always want to have more than one school option IME. Maybe look at St. Louis and Milwaukee, I haven’t been to them but heard nice things.

Realistically if you want a Harry type community you need a less yeshivish area but that comes with challenges due to today’s technology and also honestly the learning level is likely to be on a lower level. I would think hard about priorities because your kids are going to have to live in the framework you put them in, and having good friends and schools is so crucial. They have to feel part of something. And honestly most kids don’t want to be harrys (not that that term is used so much anymore, so they wouldn’t say it that way but the sentiment remains). Visit schools and see what the kids are like in the older grades. Make sure your kids have schools and yeshivas they can go to where they will fit in. Will there be enough likeminded people? Also make sure if one of your kids might become a gadol, they can. (My dh and older sons aren’t such big learners but my youngest is a huge masmid ka”h and having the right rabbeim to be inspired by and turn to for hadracha has been so important for him.) Tiny communities can be challenging in that regard.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 6:11 am

Ruchel wrote:

Apart from home school /natural there are so many people like that in less rich communities in Europe

Europe isn't an option for us, for job and family reasons

amother

cornflower ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 6:41 am

amother Iris wrote:

Baltimorean here. Most of us have no idea whag Tottini or Kidchic is. Target and Old Navy are perfect. I’ve also never heard of Harry. But I’m going to guess those here who know what those three things are… are from Lakewood/monsey/brooklyn and now live here. And are the very reason Baltimore is changing (but still an amazing place to live). Older teen girls can shop at mimis, she sells clothes in all budgets.

amother

Gardenia ↓

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 6:58 am

Another Baltimorean here.
Depending where you move, you can find areas like OP is describing. Most blocks have bikes and scooters all over. And boys and girls riding and in and out of everyone’s houses. We have a frum Montessori and lots of homeschoolers. Plus schools that are from modern to yeshivish to chassidish. Like other posters said, kids know what is popular and the in brands and what isn’t, even if you never mention it. Yes, you can wear Tottini and kiddichic and also target or udel or whatever and no one will blink an eye. We have frum stores here and they sell the same things as the stores in Lakewood and NY. We don’t have an amazing savings or bingo which would be wonderful additions. Silver spring is also not the same silver spring it was 20 years ago. Some parts have gotten way more yeshivish. It is more out of towny than Baltimore, but not so much. If you think cost of living is high in Baltimore, it’s higher in Silver Spring. Tuition is higher in Silver Spring. Housing too.

amother

DarkGray

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 7:44 am

Now with the internet and online shopping the world got much smaller and I doubt there are any truly "Harry" communities. Things have become way more accessible to everyone so "out of town" isn't as Isolated and sheltered as it used to be.