Would you take a boarder for free or minimal $ as a chessed?

amother

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 9:09 pm

I've had 2 DDs who went away for HS and BH found them homes where they didn't charge me for taking DD in. It was a major chessed for me and them. My DD's did help in the homes and became big sisters to the hosts children. Now I need to send another DD to HS. The families who took my older dds are not an option anymore. Would you take a girl in for free to help her out for HS?

(Yes, I would and I have.)

amother

Forsythia

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 9:11 pm

For one year of seminary I boarded at a family and had certain mandated chores/ times I was expected to help (mainly with childcare and I think I also did a grocery shop for shabbos) and that was in exchange for free room and board.

amother

Outerspace

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 9:12 pm

we did this when I was in Seminary for two of my friends, they stayed by me a few times a week my parents never charged, we did the same for my sisters friends, no charge at all it's called Hachnosos orchim Smile

We never ever charged people for staying over and we had plenty of people coming and going . . . . . beds changed every day/week/Shabbos lol we kind of ran some sort of hotel.... no money was ever exchanged for any reason!

amother

Banana

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 9:20 pm

Wow! I am really impressed by those who posted they would take in a boarder for free. This is real hachnasas orchim but it's a long term commitment and I would personally never able to do that.
Even for pay, I would find it hard to have someone in my home for a whole year.
Just answering your question here! Wishing you hatzlacha!

amother

Razzmatazz

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 9:26 pm

I would if it was doable, but I can’t really afford to feed an extra person or Heat/ AC an extra floor at the moment without money coming in for it.

amother

Chartreuse

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 9:30 pm

amother Banana wrote:

Same. I've been offered for pay and I really just can't although we def could use the $. I had to decline
Good for those who did for free

notshanarishona

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 9:50 pm

That’s a pretty huge thing to ask, maybe if someone babysat every day but otherwise, having a border is huge. Besides for giving up a bedroom, food costs, driving them to school or places when not walkable, taking to appointments when sick, taking to airport, never having just family meals, etc.
And that’s besides the expense of food, water, etc.
I am saying this as someone who boarded for 4 years, I know of families who do it for cheap but free is asking a ton (somewhat unreasonable to ask as a chessed)

amother

Nemesia

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 10:01 pm

If I had a big house with private quarters maybe. Also I would have to know who the girl is, her family. I wouldn't take just a random stranger.
I would expect babysitting and entertaining kids as payment.

amother

Pewter

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 10:09 pm

Amazing how many of you said you did!
I needed a home for my child and we were willing to pay good $$$$ and asked about 40 families. They all said no. It took many months until a home was found.
Everyone had a good reason.
I think those that do take in even for money are exceptional!
Kol hakavod!

amother

Mocha

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 10:21 pm

Dh and I are a young couple with few little kids. Don’t think it would be appropriate at this stage but I’m very impressed my parents just took in a girl my youngest sister age (ish, a drop younger) she’s not American but she needs to live here for the next few years so she’ll be living with them …

amother

Rainbow

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 10:56 pm

When I was in school(don't remember which grade, maybe 7th?) One of my friend's mother flew to Israel for a professional training course to be a school principal. We lived in Europe. My friend came to live at our house for 4 months(for free)!

amother

Dodgerblue

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 11:16 pm

Even with money it doesn't really earn you much.

I was a boarder at a family that did it for the money. They were very disappointed to discover that teen girls eat more than toddlers (their oldest at that time) and that their food bill was eating into their "income". They regularly took advantage of us with babysitting (I'll pay you $5/hour to watch my kids while we go out, okay? Hey, downstairs neighbor! Send your kids up for just $2.50 an hour!). It was a miserable year and I couldn't stick it out.

Either do it for the chesed, or take the money to help cover expenses without the expectation of coming out ahead at the end of the month.

amother

NeonBlue

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 11:29 pm

Who is asking?
Is it really fair for a parent to send a girl (maybe no local HS) but for them to not pay and the girl be used as an aupair? Is that what she wants?
If it is a girl who wants to leave home and stay at your home and she is offering, that is one thing, but for it to be imposed on her is not fair.

amother

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 3:37 pm

amother NeonBlue wrote:

There are options by us, but for many reasons they aren't realistic for dd. She wants to go. She also knows that we can't afford it. She is willing to help with little kids. She loves them.

My other dds became members of the families who they lived by. One has kept a close relationship with her family and it's many years since she graduated.

We have family in the area, so we are not total strangers. No, for various reasons, my family can't host her, though one of them would really like to.

amother

Clear

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 3:42 pm

I went to a school that had a fair amount of boarders. A few of them had good experiences with their boarding families. Most were ok. Some were not treated nicely and a few were really taken advantage of and treated like maids/nannies. And I heard one bad story that made it clear a private bathroom should be non-negotiable (and that was from a girl staying at a relatives home).
Personally I wouldn't send a daughter to board unless there were really no high school options. And I'd be very hesitant to do it on a non payment basis.

amother

Carnation

Mon, Jul 01 2024, 4:05 pm

I would love to take in a boarder for free, and have her become part of the family.

Unfortunately with my oldest a boy and a very challenging ASD boy at that, I don't think it's fair to the boarder. I cannot take in a high schooler of either gender with the way my home is right now and certainly I can't take in a girl.

When he goes off to yeshiva....maybe. Depends how things are going.