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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
Iymnok
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 Tue, Jun 25 2024, 10:28 am
Mrs. Xxxx is just perfect in the majority of cases.
If your relationship develops, you may switch to first names.
Rebbetzin as a title I only use when talking about someone or to maybe a handful of extremely chashuve ladies.
Mist ladies are more comfortable with Mrs Xxxx.
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amother
Valerian
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Tue, Jun 25 2024, 10:29 am
| Iymnok wrote: | Mrs. Xxxx is just perfect in the majority of cases.
If your relationship develops, you may switch to first names.
Rebbetzin as a title I only use when talking about someone or to maybe a handful of extremely chashuve ladies.
Mist ladies are more comfortable with Mrs Xxxx. |
Well said!
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Ruchel
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Tue, Jun 25 2024, 10:52 am
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My mom is a Phd. Never called doctor as it's not medical. Very interesting.
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amother
Apricot
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Tue, Jun 25 2024, 11:03 am
| Ruchel wrote: | Weird. Everyone calls me madame, or mademoiselle though I don't know if THAT is flattery lol (when I am alone). I'd be upset if some person used my first name unless we really were on the same level. If my husband was a rav, or if she was much younger, I'd be like hu
(most of my friends' husbands call me madame or avoid using anything)
There's a diff vs who has smicha, and who gives lessons. I think we women who send husbands to learning deserve a title or a honor, so if it exists, let's take It. Same for men without smicha but very involved who get "chaver" among yekkes.
Yiddish words used to exist for women... those who led the women in prayer, and those very learned... verzogerin/zogerke...
I call the principal rabbanit or rebbetzin
The rosh kollel is kvod horav and I think some men use third person |
Yes haven't we made it clear by now that kollel wives are better women than the rest of us
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amother
Amaryllis
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Tue, Jun 25 2024, 2:09 pm
In Yeshivish circles it's a thing for men to call all women Rebetzin, as in Ma'am. They wouldn't call you "Rabbetzin Lastname" unless you actually have a public position.
I have had this happen in stores in Lakewood and I'm a young nobody and look like one.
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amother
Charcoal
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Tue, Jun 25 2024, 2:58 pm
Kollel wives should only be addressed as “your majesty” and alternatively “your highness.” Upon meeting a kollel wife, it is customary to curtsy. Do not address the kollel wife first, protocol requires that she address you first. Be sure to read the Royal Family Operations Manual prior to making contact with any kollel wife.
Signed, a former kollel wife who thinks that this thread is nuts.
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amother
DarkGray
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Tue, Jun 25 2024, 3:05 pm
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The only people who call me Rebbetzin are my husbands single friends (bochurim) who we sometimes host for shabbas meals
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lamplighter
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Tue, Jun 25 2024, 3:09 pm
This is very cultural. When men or bochurim call me rebbetzin I understand it as a way of speaking with distance. Its doesn't bother me but they can call me Mrs Lamplighter for the same price. In my husbands hometown I am called Rebbetzin and that is appropriate for them. If a woman ever called me rebbetzin I would find it patronizing honestly.
We are not in kollel but my husband has smicha/dayanis and works in klei kodesh.
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amother
Holly
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Tue, Jun 25 2024, 7:44 pm
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I appreciate being called Rebetzin. It is recognition of my part of this
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amother
Moonstone
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Tue, Jun 25 2024, 8:10 pm
In my husbands circles it is used as "wife"
e.g. Ask your rebbetzen if we can come this week. (Even bochurim his age)
Not sure why.
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amother
Antiquewhite
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Tue, Jun 25 2024, 8:25 pm
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I think it's community dependant. In my oot community, all the kollel wives are addressed as rebbetzin by the men. Even if they are very young.
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Ruchel
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Wed, Jun 26 2024, 5:46 am
It's nice for wife
Everything but hernor lol
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amother
NeonPink
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Wed, Jun 26 2024, 7:23 am
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I’m not and have never been a kollel wife but have also been called ‘rebetzin’ by men at times. As mentioned above, it’s kind of used as ‘ma’m’ or ‘lady’ and more informal than Mrs. X
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amother
Maize
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Wed, Jun 26 2024, 10:37 pm
Nope. Not going to.
1st names only.
If you think you deserve the title just because he learns then please take your giant head elsewhere. Your husband isn't a community Rabbi and you cannot compare the sacrifices you make for your husband being in a job (in a kollel, true) to someone who is the spouse of a community Rabbi. Is he getting shailos multiple times a day? Counseling families?
Otherwise those strong women who put their husband's through medical school etc need an honorific too because of their struggles. It isn't easy when he is out all day every day without community support.
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amother
Molasses
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Wed, Jun 26 2024, 10:47 pm
| amother Maize wrote: | Nope. Not going to.
1st names only.
If you think you deserve the title just because he learns then please take your giant head elsewhere. Your husband isn't a community Rabbi and you cannot compare the sacrifices you make for your husband being in a job (in a kollel, true) to someone who is the spouse of a community Rabbi. Is he getting shailos multiple times a day? Counseling families?
Otherwise those strong women who put their husband's through medical school etc need an honorific too because of their struggles. It isn't easy when he is out all day every day without community support. |
I think this is where there seems to be some confusion on this thread. Kollel is a broad term and means different things in different cities.
My husband is a Rosh Kollel of a Kollel where all the Rabbis have Semicha. They ARE the community leaders, we don't even have a separate Rav. While I prefer people calling me Mrs..., I don't think its weird at all when us wives are referred to as Rebbetzins. Of course when they were all in BMG, under 30, and did not have Semicha, it would have been more weird.
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amother
Seagreen
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Wed, Jun 26 2024, 10:48 pm
| lamplighter wrote: | This is very cultural. When men or bochurim call me rebbetzin I understand it as a way of speaking with distance. Its doesn't bother me but they can call me Mrs Lamplighter for the same price. In my husbands hometown I am called Rebbetzin and that is appropriate for them. If a woman ever called me rebbetzin I would find it patronizing honestly.
We are not in kollel but my husband has smicha/dayanis and works in klei kodesh. |
I agree with this. It's a Lakewood thing that men call a woman he's not related to. It's like saying Mrs. I was in Lakewood today and a man called me ma'am.I decided I like Rebbitzen better. I was once at a simcha and the non Jewish waiter called me Rebbitzen 
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amother
Powderblue
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Wed, Jun 26 2024, 11:04 pm
| amother Seagreen wrote: | | I agree with this. It's a Lakewood thing that men call a woman he's not related to. It's like saying Mrs. I was in Lakewood today and a man called me ma'am.I decided I like Rebbitzen better. I was once at a simcha and the non Jewish waiter called me Rebbitzen |
as others have said it's different if its a man or woman saying it and many man will call women rebetzin even husband isn't in kollel. for a woman to call a 20 year old kollel wife rebetzin I think in most places it would be weird.
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