Is it normal to spend over $100

amother

Hibiscus

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 9:59 am

Aurora wrote:

I think it may be part of the more right-wing communities' standard for people to have a very specific look for their clothing. So once that becomes the standard, there's more pressure to buy the expensive brand names.

There's a lot less pressure for women in the MO world to dress in one or two particular styles. So while there is definitely pressure to look "nice" there's a lot of wiggle room for what "nice" is. There are a few women in my schul who are fashion plates, but most women just go for Shabbosdik-ish.

Yeah less conformity but way more emphasis on any brand name and any expensive item. There is little room to be poor in most of the big mo communities.

amother

Tealblue

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 9:59 am

I don't know what rock people are living under lately, or maybe you all don't exercise regularly or something, but you can't get a quality pair of sneakers in adult sizes (which is what most teens will need) for under $100. For younger kids it's fine to go cheap (especially at ages where they're outgrowing shoes every few months) but most teen girls' feet are not growing that fast and you can expect their shoes to last longer. Hopefully your daughter isn't sedentary and will require good use of sneakers in all seasons, not just summer. And yes, a quality pair that will last a while and hold up through typical sneaker use, yes, $100 is perfectly reasonable with what things cost right now. $400 Air Jordans have no excuse beyond being a pure status symbol, but no, $100 is not at all crazy for quality sneakers in adult sizes.

Aurora

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 10:01 am

amother Hibiscus wrote:

Yeah less conformity but way more emphasis on any brand name and any expensive item. There is little room to be poor in most of the big mo communities.

I live in a big MO community. I think you were hanging out with the "fashion plates." Most of my friends don't share this interest in the way you're describing.

Most of my financial pressure comes from yeshiva tuition + housing costs + rising food prices. and, somehow, would love a new used car because we could really use it (but paying for insurance?!!!).

Last edited by Aurora on Thu, Jun 20 2024, 10:11 am; edited 1 time in total

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 10:08 am

amother Tealblue wrote:

There's a difference between sneakers for *sports use* and fashion sneakers.

amother

Grape

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 10:14 am

In this case, I would get the more expensive sneakers and move on. You can let your daughter know that you usually like to spend less, but you'll allow it this time.

I would faster spend the extra $20/$30 on shoes they wear everyday, than a more expensive/extra outfit for camp.

For many teens, summer sneakers are a big thing. Even though they aren't wearing them as long as school shoes, this is the time they can choose something that doesn't need to go with their school rules or preppy look. The girls usually wear them on sundays before school ends, and sometimes in the afternoon after school. They wear them sometimes through the year if need to be sporty.
My boys like to get fun color sneakers for the summer because they are only allowed black in school.

LittleDucky

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 10:19 am

amother Tealblue wrote:

OP said her daughter needs it for a few weeks. Not something she wears all year. Plus her shoe size is still changing so it won't last years.
A quick look ok zappos and I found plenty of Adidas and other reputable decent quality sneakers for way less than $100.

Do we need to be setting our kids up to feel like only name brand is ok? That only "quality and the best" are suitable? "Good enough" is not enough? Besides for the financial education you are giving your kids with spending above budget- you are setting them up to live and expect a standard we never will get. $100 sneakers aren't a need. And we shouldn't "just give in" on every aspect. Because being $20 over on sneakers, sweatshirts, camp bag, bed linen, clothing, shabbos shoes... it all adds up.

Then we get into the deeper questions of if we are basing our daughter's social life and self esteem on shoes. Because then it isn't self esteem, it is shoe-esteem. A pair of shoes shouldn't make one have a better summer.

little neshamala

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 10:36 am

LittleDucky wrote:

This.
Its not about the individual item. BH we can afford to spend and give our kids the better brands that "everyone has".
Its a conscious chinuch choice we made, to try to raise our kids in a way that they feel confident to express their individuality and not follow the crowd exclusively. To be able to think as individuals and express themselves accordingly. To be able to look/do something a little different than the crowd.

Its worthwhile to raise your kids with that goal in mind, in my opinion, because otherwise these are the kids who grow up into the adults that "have to" make a fancy upsherin, "have to" lease the nicer car, "have to" send their kid to seminary, "have to" make a bar mitzvah with xyz...they have no experience with doing something differently and it being ok. They dont know what its like!

We as adults need to be able step out of the clone factory, and be individuals. Let's help our children get there.

Last edited by little neshamala on Thu, Jun 20 2024, 10:42 am; edited 1 time in total

iluvy

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 10:40 am

amother Hibiscus wrote:

Yeah I see no reason to say no to my child for things that aren’t a huge deal. What I’m gonna run around looking to save $20 on the shoes because it horrifies me? My attitude is I don’t make my kids miserable on principle. If I have the money, they looked a while for shoes, finally found shoes they like, I’m not going to make them miserable. They mean more to me than a few dollars. In today’s day and age things cost a lot. We can’t be stuck in early 2000s mentality of omg it costs more than $20.

Anyone who has teens think long and hard about how often you say no and if you really should be straining your relationship for a few dollars. If you don’t have the means that’s a different story I’m only talking about not spending because you don’t feel like it.

In this case she had a hard time finding shoes, why would you add more aggravation to a stressful situation?

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amother

Offwhite

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 10:48 am

amother Tealblue wrote:

Why do you need hundred dollar sneakers to exercise? You can get Asics for under 50. They're excellent for excercising and last. Were recommended to me by a pt.

BatyaEsther

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 11:33 am

Ruchel wrote:

I left a fancy MO circle to avoid that. If it makes it way to charedi...

Really, and this is were you went?
I live in the great land of Teaneck. I send my kids to Frisch and don’t recall ever spending over $50, typically I spent < 35
I buy at DSW, it’s ~5 blocks from the school. Every time we go we see people we know upstairs at the clearance rack and we help each other find great deals and share available coupons.

I think your post is pretty awful and reaks of sinat chinam. I’m calling you out so I will proudly post under my screen name even though it gives information about me.

Last edited by BatyaEsther on Thu, Jun 20 2024, 11:44 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Lotus

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 12:28 pm

And here I am with my brand name hiking boots that I spent $10 on by buying through Facebook marketplace. If I wouldn't have found, would have definitely have done more research and spent more money if necessary ($100 even), but that is for a hiking boot and I want waterproof, durable, ankle support, can walk many miles etc.

Also have 2 pairs of Dr Martins...one for $50 basically new from FB marketplace and another also nearly new from the Buy nothing community (free).

Is this for a casual sneaker or an exercise sneaker?? Pricing will differ. What are the needs?

I find it easier to find an affordable option if I know what I am looking for. Instead of going into random stores or just looking at pretty sneakers on amazon, I read the negative reviews and see if that's an issue I can deal with in a shoe (ie, a waterproof shoe having reviews as NOT waterproof is a no for me. For someone else they don't care for that). That helps my next search prompt be more specific as well.

Like someone else said, shopping savvyness is a skill. You have an opportunity to teach her that.

If you have amazon prime, offer that you're willing to work with her on the shoes (important for her to feel like you're being open and not refusing on principle or restricting but that you would love to hear her need in it and see what other options out there fit that) but first want to take a more logical approach.

What is she looking for in the shoe? Look? Utility? What is the need? If you have a more specific idea in mind, it is a lot easier to find an option that fits all (budget, look, utility) and you would have taught her a priceless skill to use for all areas of her life.

Might be a little late for this purchase since you already spent time shopping and it's closer timing to camp, but it's good information for both of you

seeker

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 1:18 pm

Didn't read the 4 pages (?!!) of replies but my teen doesn't only wear sneakers for 2 months. The norm where we live (NY area, jpf) is to wear sneakers all the time including school and if you're walking somewhere casual on shabbos.

That said, before the summer isn't a great time to invest in new ones if your kid is going to camp because they'll get yucky quickly. I would encourage her to hold out until fall though I also understand the need to look reasonably good during the summer too. We got new ones a little earlier in the spring so they got to enjoy the sparkly white for a little while and now they'll probably turn into garbage over the summer. Though it's also trending for teens to wear slides whenever they can get away with it... I miss the natives trend because I'm a stickler for closed toes due to tripping risk. But anyway it's what all the teens are doing and it means less wear on the $100 sneakers.

Last year I was lucky and found the $100 sneakers for more like $60 on the Nordstrom rack website. Did you try that yet?