Hate myself bc cant stop eating.

amother

Dill

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 6:45 pm

👋… I’m just like you, op!
Non stop eating, short and overweight.
Many, many years ago I lost weight following weight watchers. Whenever I try to be “good”, I try to do the weight watchers plan. But I don’t lose. When I actually follow it, it just keeps me from gaining.
Yesterday was a “good” day. I ate very well. Until the evening. I was beyond starving. I dug into a piece of cheesecake… it was reviving and delicious.
Today was an insane day for me. I ate cheesecake and ice cream and feel so horrible that my clothes are busting.
I just can’t stop myself sometimes even though I know that I suffer.

zaq

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 8:05 pm

Change the lyrics playing in your head. Switch "Hate myself bc cant stop eating" --a self-fulfilling prophesy if there ever was one--to "I love myself, therefore I will eat sensibly and healthfully." Make your objective to be healthy and to have more energy. Of course we all want to look nice and be able to wear nice clothes, but if something else besides weight prevents that, there goes your motivation. And really, it SHOULD be about being and feeling healthy, because that's something that's only for you and is independent of your relationships with the people around you.

Some things to remember:
1. You didn't gain the weight in a day and you won't take it off in a day. Or as my dh says, "Rome wasn't burned in a day." It takes time, so don't despair. Think of Rabbi Akiva's inspiration from dripping water's ability to wear away stone.

2. Slower weight loss is safer and healthier. It is also more likely to stay off when it comes off slowly.

3. This is something you do for you, not for others; don't let a fight or an argument send you careering madly for the nearest fast-foodery or the tub of ice cream in the freezer.

4. Find something healthy and fairly low-cal that you like and can safely snack on. Vegetables are ideal. If you prepare a nice big salad (easy on the dressing, nuts,olives, avocadoes and Craisins; pile on the greens, herbs and spices) you can have it ready to grab when you have to cram something in your mouth. Dice bell peppers of different colors along with cucumber, onions, shredded carrot, finely shredded cabbage, sliced hearts of palm and the like, and scarf down a cereal-bowl's worth whenever. A little lemon or lime juice and a sliced olive or two or some slices of pickle (but watch the salt) add a nice zing.

5. Never let yourself get ravenously hungry. Take a healthy snack along wherever you go. E g. a few nuts, not a fistful; a fruit; a couple of rice cakes; a stick of mozzarella cheese; a container of low-fat or fat free yogurt (check the added sugar content and choose one with the least added sugar) if you have access to a fridge.

6. Lifnei eevair lo titen michshol: keep your worst trigger foods out of your environment. Either keep them out of the house altogether or hand them over to dh to be secured somewhere out of your reach. Yes, under lock and key if need be. Though if the foods are a problem for you, the rest of the family will probably be better off without having them in stock, anyway. Very few people are overweight because they binge on tuna and strawberries, kwim?

7. Drink plenty of water.

8. Don't weigh and measure yourself every day. Weight fluctuates depending, among other factors, on how much food is sitting in your gut and how hydrated you are. Once a week at the same time of day, preferably before breakfast, wearing the same kind of clothes (or in your undies) is enough.

9. Keep a food diary. Studies show that people who do are more successful losers than those who don't.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 8:21 pm

amother Dill wrote:

exactly. I've done weight watchers successfully but they change the program and bam, I'm out. now I gained it all back and im heartbroken. but do I stop? no, I dont. because food quiets a voice in my head, but just for a second.

the amount of times I promised myself to be better, do better, eat better, it's not countable.
no amount of therapy or advice will help. I'm just miserable.

for the amother that said ozempic, I'm not at the point where I'm ready to take it, still want to have kids and not worth the unknown risks.

I wish our society didn't stress so much on looks and figures. why does it have to be such a big deal? why does fat for me equal ugly? I'm not ugly but I feel ugly and undesirable and just like a blob.

amother

↑ Broom

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 8:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

Are you able to focus more on moving your body than the food you’re eating? There’s an amazing woman on YouTube. GroWithJo. She does a lot of fun walking (in place) workouts. Just moving your body could change your cravings as well. I’d suggest just putting one on now and seeing it/doing it. 20 minutes a day can change so much for you. 20 minutes is easy to commit to.

Fox ↓

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 9:15 pm

I'm going to argue with you, OP. I don't think this is your own doing at all. Nor do I believe you're an "emotional eater."

You're eating because your brain is telling you that you're hungry. The brain is lying or is just misinformed, to be sure. But we don't eat unless we get signals from our brains.

Believing that you "just need to push yourself away from the cholent pot," as a frum doctor once told me, is the equivalent of claiming that schizophrenia is caused by evil spirits.

In fact, I often wonder if that doctor would authoritatively tell a schizophrenic to just stop hallucinating. After all, that would certainly solve the problem!

How can I say this so confidently? Just as SSRI drugs changed how we think about mental health, Ozempic has changed what we know about obesity.

I had weight loss surgery a few years ago and lost a significant amount of weight. However, I plateaued at a certain point. I've been on Ozempic for under a year and have lost an additional 40 pounds without "dieting."

If we believe in emotional eating or evil spirits, that's impossible. What, I am suddenly never bored, upset, or sad? That's ridiculous.

Ozempic and similar drugs work by rewiring the signals our brains receive and transmit. My brain is no longer concerned that I'll starve to death, so it's stopped lying to me so brazenly.

I don't know if these drugs would be effective, safe, or appropriate for you -- that's another discussion. But let's put aside all the nonsense about emotional eating. It's just a patient-blaming device the medical establishment created instead of saying, "We don't know."

amother

Azure

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 9:24 pm

Fox wrote:

I wish I could like this 10 times!
A person who binges is not less emotionally healthy than a person who doesn't. Its simply one person's brain/hormones send binge urges and messages and someone else's doesn't. If the messages are turned off, the binger magically doesn't binge.

amother

↑ OP

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 9:38 pm

Fox wrote:

you're so convincing. I so appreciate you writing this up.

I'm so sad from trying so many things, spending so much money on diets, apps, vitamins and still eating like a war survivor. constantly needing food to quiet any emotions that come up. you're saying it's mis-wire in the brain rather than emotional thing. if only that's true.
I hate that I'm like this and I hate the guilt and how despicable I feel about my lack of control.

I guess I should make an appt at the doc but I'm mortified. havent weighed myself in months and I hate talking about it, because I feel like I'm bringing more attention to something I want to hide.

↑ Fox

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 10:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

This is an article from over a decade ago that summarizes the evidence: we're not 100 percent certain why people are getting fatter, but it has nothing to do with self-control.

https://aeon.co/essays/blaming.....wrong

Ask around for recommendations for an endocrinologist or other physician who is genuinely current on the issue of obesity. Don't allow yourself to be foisted off on nutritionists, who have their role but are usually not experts in obesity. Don't be afraid to walk out of a consultation with a "push away the cholent pot"-type doc.

I won't lie -- it often takes time and grit to find the right shaliach. But it really is worth it.

amother

Peach

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 12:40 am

Fox wrote:

Just like people are getting more depressed lately...imo it's still emotional eating.

Just that something external is triggering that internal thing in a subtle way and creating a pathway in the brain to send that message.

It is an emotion that sets the message rolling...however, that wiring can be changed.

So yes, I agree in part. Shutting off the wiring is helpful, but that's kind of like numbing a pain as a solution instead of dealing with it at the core (ok to numb it to make it easier to deal with, but dealing with it is ultimately going to be a better, less risk, more attainable option for many).

For the person that asked about oa, I recommend as well. Just keep in mind there are different flavors.

OA Graysheet would've destroyed me and made things worse for me. Although some people swear by it.

I did a gentler version of OA (More balance. None of this no flour sugar stuff). And that was AMAZING for me. No more food obsession, worry, or anything.

I'm also at a very healthy weight and my metabolism is amazing these days!

It was difficult emotional work but extremely worth it! You do have to find a "right match" meeting and sponsor approach for you though.

Good Luck!