No sleepovers, change my view

nightingale1

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 6:08 pm

Part of helping your kids grow up is letting them take risks. You can say this about so many things.
Why let them go to camp?
Why let them drive before they absolutely have to?
Why let them go out with their friends?
Why let them go hiking/biking/swimming?

amother

Broom ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 6:12 pm

I let on some occasions - but they are not allowed to sleep over at anyone who has teenage brothers - no exceptions. As all my girls were born before my boys their friends could sleep here. I have hosted numerous class sleepovers (small OOT classes) and parents were very happy to let the daughters come.

amother

Jasmine

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 6:37 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

Schools in NY/NJ have started banning them in the past few years.

Goodness, even more overreach by the schools. This is a parent decision, not the schools.

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 6:39 pm

amother Broom wrote:

Why only boys and not fathers? Gosh, not all males are molesters.

↑ shabbatiscoming

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 6:40 pm

amother Maroon wrote:

I've never done the actual anthropological research but I mean recent as in not earlier than like maybe the 1960s? And American as in western.

Ah, ok. When you said recent, I thought you meant in the last 10 - 20 years Smile

But it is also not only an american thing.
My daughter had sleep overs with girls who are complete sabras. No anglo family. We are in Israel. So its definitely not only an american thing.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 6:52 pm

amother Midnight wrote:

I don't understand. Isn't that distrust? And why isn't that arrogance??
As a mother we do our best to keep our kids safe and if that means sleepovers only at home, who cares??

No, it's basic common sense to check where your child is going to stay. Not arrogance.
But saying I'm the only trustworthy person on the planet has a basic level of arrogance.
Having sleepovers at home only does not necessarily keep your kids safe.

amother

↑ Broom

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 6:54 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Why only boys and not fathers? Gosh, not all males are molesters.

These are the precautions we chose to take, obviously they are families we know and trust and vouch for, but it's not about assuming all teenage boys are molesters but simply taking precaution with the unknown. Also often parents go to sleep and we also didn't want to have to be concerned about teenage boys and girls socializing without parental supervision.
You're welcome to make your own rules and choices.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 6:57 pm

amother Broom wrote:

For us it was more of an age thing. Like, at age 8 my DD could sleep over at a friend where there were teen boys (no, we don't think they are all molesters) but at age 13 it's no longer appropriate.

I took my then-teen DD with me overseas for a cousin's wedding that was during mid-winter vacation, because all her friends had brothers and I had no suitable place for her to stay.

amother

↑ Tomato

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 7:09 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Why only boys and not fathers? Gosh, not all males are molesters.

Because boys and girls can flirt and act silly. Unless a father is a pervert he’s not hanging out with the girls being inappropriate.

amother

Bronze ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 7:12 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

Schools in NY/NJ have started banning them in the past few years.

Some schools in the UK also banned them.

Hamayvin Yavin

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 7:12 pm

amother Tomato wrote:

I’m on with sleepovers in that I teach safety and trust my kids. But reading the other thread realizing so many don’t teach their kids boundaries is making me reluctant. I thought the threat was the adults now I see it’s the kids.

Which thread is this?

amother

Topaz ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 7:17 pm

I was never a sleepover fan, for various reasons, but my dd had a friend whose parents went away overnight, so I obviously let their daughter stay . She gave my innocent daughter detailed instructions on how to become a professional hair -puller,and dd is now officially diagnosed. I'm really sad, and trying to remember that everything is from Hashem, but I'm still not a sleepovers fan.

↑ chestnut

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 7:19 pm

amother Tomato wrote:

I feel like it’s safer. It’s an open bunkhouse with staff right there. A sleepover is in a closed room with no supervision. Obviously unsafe people can do things anywhere. But at least it’s not a secluded sleeping space.

A sleeping place isn't secluded but there are plenty of secluded places in camp for things to happen

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 7:20 pm

amother Bronze wrote:

Some schools in the UK also banned them.

Interesting.
Regular schools or Jewish schools?

↑ ectomorph ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 7:22 pm

amother Topaz wrote:

What is a professional hair puller?

↑ ectomorph ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 7:23 pm

I'm horrified from the other thread. Of course I have no idea what I'm talking about, none of my kids are double digits yet. That's why I'm asking.

↑ Chayalle

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 7:23 pm

amother Topaz wrote:

Do you mean trichotillomania? I do not believe that would be caused by information from a friend. Sorry not buying. That's a mental health condition. It's not contagious, it's not caused by instructions from a friend. You are unnecessarily blaming someone else for a condition that yes, was sent by Hashem.

amother

↑ Bronze ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 7:23 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Interesting.
Regular schools or Jewish schools?

The frummer Jewish schools. My friend's daughter's school has definitely got a rule of no sleepovers. I don't think where we send have that rule.

amother

cornflower ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 7:23 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

Schools in NY/NJ have started banning them in the past few years.

Probably the same schools that ban outside of school activities left and right I assume.

amother

↑ Bronze

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 7:27 pm

chestnut wrote:

A sleeping place isn't secluded but there are plenty of secluded places in camp for things to happen

Unlikely when there are adults around. Much more likely for something to happen at a sleepover. My cousin had something like this a long time ago. The friend said look let's go over to my brother, it's so fun bla bla. And they messed around to the point that it has effected my cousin till this day. She's needed therapy etc. It's effected her relationship with her dh.