No sleepovers, change my view

amother

Brunette ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 1:56 pm

If it’s needed for childcare purposes, then it’s understandable.
If it’s done just for fun, what’s the purpose-if a small risk is ridiculous-there are other ways for children to have a great time.
They can learn healthy attachment from going to play by their friend for four hours and come home to sleep.

chestnut ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 1:58 pm

ectomorph wrote:

Ever. Why take the risk?

Why do people do this?

What about sleep away camps?

amother

↑ Lightpink ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 1:59 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Thats great. Not everyone lives in the tri state area and not everyone sends to schools that make such rules. Can't Believe It

Okay.
Sorry, I didn't mean to rile you up like this.
I was just adding to the discussion, no reason to get all upset.

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 2:00 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

Okay.
Sorry, I didn't mean to rile you up like this.

You didnt rile me up. Not sure why you thought you did.
I was just saying that not every frum school under the sun has such rules. The school my daughter goes to has no rules for anything out of school. Its just not even a thing. As I am sure there are other schools out there like that as well.

amother

↑ Brunette

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 2:00 pm

Sleepovers teach no skills

encourage lack of proper bedtime.

Nothing brilliant happens with overtired kids, hanging out together

Responsible parents, supervise from afar. They usually go to sleep before the kids do. It may be a responsible house, it doesn’t mean your child will have a safe emotional environment with friends.

leaving children and teens unsupervised for hours, often leads to conversations and topics that are better left to be had with adults.

amother

↑ Lightpink ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 2:04 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I did not say that every frum school has this rule.
I said that schools recently began with this rule.

amother

↑ Tomato ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 2:07 pm

chestnut wrote:

What about sleep away camps?

I feel like it’s safer. It’s an open bunkhouse with staff right there. A sleepover is in a closed room with no supervision. Obviously unsafe people can do things anywhere. But at least it’s not a secluded sleeping space.

tichellady

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 2:14 pm

I had a wonderful childhood full of sleepovers. I have lots of memories from them and it was great fun. They were with close friends whose families I spent a lot of time with. I understand no sleepovers with people you don’t know well

amother

↑ Maroon

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 2:17 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Huh? You think in other places in the world and in other decades there were no sleep overs?

I've never done the actual anthropological research but I mean recent as in not earlier than like maybe the 1960s? And American as in western.

amother

Clematis

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 2:32 pm

amother Maroon wrote:

I've never done the actual anthropological research but I mean recent as in not earlier than like maybe the 1960s? And American as in western.

The phrase slumber party existed sonce at least the early 40s. My mother has sleepovers as a girls and it wasn't a new thing in her time.

DrMom

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 2:39 pm

Sleepovers are fun! And they teach kids how to manage away from home, while still in a familiar environment.

I don't understand the "there are molesters everywhere lurking in the shadows just waiting to pounce" mentality that permeates some of these discussions.

Chayalle ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 2:50 pm

I let my kids have sleepovers at a certain age, when they are ready....and they know they can call me at any time of the night if they want to be picked up. And have done so.

amother

Midnight ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 2:51 pm

I remember having a sleepover with a friend in my house when I was 8. We locked the door so my mother shouldn't come in while we were jumping on the bed. My friend picked up her top to show her belly button and she asked me how mine looks so I picked up my shirt also. I still feel gross about it... If my kids want sleepovers it needs to be in my house with and doors cannot be locked.

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 2:52 pm

ectomorph wrote:

Ever. Why take the risk?

Why do people do this?

With all due respect, you don't have any older children yet. When you have teens or preteens, you will have a different opinion about what you allow them to do.

With teens, every time you say no it has a cost. You can't control them the way you control little children.

amother

Snowdrop

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 2:56 pm

I hate this attitude of "sleepovers only in my house. I will never send my child to a friend."
Shows such a level of distrust and arrogance.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 3:01 pm

amother Snowdrop wrote:

I hate this attitude of "sleepovers only in my house. I will never send my child to a friend."
Shows such a level of distrust and arrogance.

Agree, though I would only send a child to sleepover if I know and trust the parents. And even with my teen I prefer to do some reference checking and know where she's going.

amother

↑ Midnight ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 3:02 pm

amother Snowdrop wrote:

I hate this attitude of "sleepovers only in my house. I will never send my child to a friend."
Shows such a level of distrust and arrogance.

Depends which friend but as a general rule, if my child wants a sleepover I tell them to invite their friend. Shows safety not distrust or arrogance. Ever heard of 'respect, yet suspect'?

↑ ectomorph ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 3:03 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

Even within the circles where it is a thing, schools have begun banning them.

That is really interesting. What are the reasons g given?

And thanks everyone for their response

amother

↑ Midnight ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 3:06 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Agree, though I would only send a child to sleepover if I know and trust the parents. And even with my teen I prefer to do some reference checking and know where she's going.

I don't understand. Isn't that distrust? And why isn't that arrogance??
As a mother we do our best to keep our kids safe and if that means sleepovers only at home, who cares??

↑ ectomorph ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 3:06 pm

The poster wall who says my kids are little is correct

chestnut wrote:

What about sleep away camps?

Honestly I never thought about it. None of my kids are in the double digits. I found the other thread horrifying on so many levels so I wanted to understand why this is a thing.