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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Wed, May 29 2024, 3:28 pm

I have an eleven month old and a 2 and a half year old. I was so good with kids (until I had my second!) now I just feel like the worst mom ever! I can’t manage when my husband goes to daven/ learning and leaves me alone. I feel like they just cry. All. The. Time. (My older toddler has SPD and emotional regulation problems. ) I can’t ever make one of them happy because then the other one is getting hurt/ upset/ into trouble etc. I also feel like my younger one gets ignored a lot because of his sisters high needs.

Basically it feels like I can’t parent and I hate it. I start zoning out from all their crying .

Ugh

Not to mention bedtime or bathtime which is a huge sensory trigger for my older, or all the constant biting and hair pulling from my younger.

I’m so annoyed at myself . I wanted lots of kids but I feel like I can’t even handle two

amother

Burlywood

Wed, May 29 2024, 3:42 pm

The transition from one to two was really the hardest for me. After that I found another wasn’t so hard. Learning to balance multiple children’s needs is really challenging especially when they are so close in age. I don’t think you’ll be able to change your children’s behaviour so much as finding coping strategies for yourself in the times where things feel too much. Try finding some mantras that you can say to pull you through like “this is not an emergency”, “I am struggling because this is HARD”, “this too shall pass”. I find this helps regulate me a bit more in the moment.

tichellady

Wed, May 29 2024, 6:01 pm

Two little kids with one adult feels really hard for me too! I think it’s objectively just very tough because they are so needy

giftedmom

Wed, May 29 2024, 6:23 pm

The hardest time in my parenting journey was raising two toddlers mostly by myself, like yours my older one was high needs, and it was just survival mode all the time.
I made a conscious decision then that each of my kids would get my full attention in their early years when they need it most and I space my kids accordingly.
It gets better. You get better. For now just focus on one day at a time because those children will never be little again.
Figure out what your kids need and enjoy and focus on doing that, even if it means a messy house or stained clothing or a simple dinner.

Hello2u2

Wed, May 29 2024, 7:32 pm

I have 4 children under 7 yr old bh but I always say that raising 2 under 2 yo was the most difficult stage to pass. they're practically twins in age (without the nurse and without everyone begging to watch them because they are precious twins), they cant help you with anything and need full time care...
I recommend you should analyze which parts of the day with the kids/house work is the toughest to manage and get yourself help in that area- cleaning help or a nanny or even a neighbor that can take your kid for a walk every day for an hour. it will help you cope.
(I have a neighbor that always tells me that my current stage is the toughest and I should hang on because it only gets easier... lol I hope)
good luck!

amother

Apple ↓

Wed, May 29 2024, 8:06 pm

Yes it is hard. Been there done that. Ask your husband for more help . Get a DVD player with Jewish entertainment so when your husband davens/learns you can entertain your toddler

amother

↑ Apple

Wed, May 29 2024, 8:19 pm

And why isn't your toddler in playgroup?

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