Vent: I feel guilty every day

amother

Thu, May 23 2024, 9:28 am

I have 2 under 2, and work full time. My baby still wakes up to eat once at night, but I think he's finally getting into a good routine.

I end each day feeling tremendously guilty. My toddler is very active and talkative and I spend whatever little time I have in the morning and evening focused on her. My baby is very chilled so I find myself leaving him for periods of time happy and with his toys. When he was her age, I spent so much time reading her books and talking to her. He just seems so happy every time someone pays attention to him. After my toddler goes to sleep, I bathe the baby and put him to sleep.

I also need time to unwind at the end of the day. I WFH most of the time so I don't see people a lot and my phone is a primary way I socialize. So I'll be feeding him and on my phone, holding him asleep and on my phone. He's not looking at me, but I always feel so gross and guilty after. I didn't spend this much time on the phone with my first, but then I also didn't have patience to sit for a long feeding and she often got hungry quickly. So in that way he's better off.

Just feel guilty and gross overall for not being the mom to him that I want to be. He's so sweet and chilled and I just feel like I'm taking advantage and not giving him all the love and attention I want to.

zaq

Thu, May 23 2024, 11:47 am

A second child never gets as much attention as a first, because there's already an older child with whom he has to share the attention. And a third doesn't get as much as a second and so on down the line unless there's a big gap and then a "ben zekunim" after the others are considerably older.