Opposite gender attraction

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

OP ↓

Tue, Apr 16 2024, 4:08 pm

My son is 13 and told me the other day that every girl he looks at he feels attracted to and he finds it so annoying. I think he said that he's in love with but I'm assuming he meant attracted to. I told him that it's normal and the way Hashem made us and that is why we are careful about girl/boy relationships and not mingling. (We are Yeshivish/Chassidish).

Wondering if anybody has words of wisdom on how to address this or was this sufficient? He's a really good boy and mostly sheltered.

amother

Celeste

Tue, Apr 16 2024, 4:12 pm

where is this boy seeing all these girls that he is falling in love with?

amother

Crystal

Tue, Apr 16 2024, 4:13 pm

No advice because my kids aren’t there yet but I think it’s amazing he felt comfortable enough to tell you this, you obviously have encouraged a great open relationship between the two of you. If he brings it up again remind him it’s totally normal. Don’t let him feel ashamed. Maybe be proactive and introduce him to the Jewish “Big Talks” program on this or the Jewish book From Boys to Men.

amother

Snowdrop

Tue, Apr 16 2024, 4:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

Don’t have much to add, but that is adorable

giftedmom

Tue, Apr 16 2024, 4:14 pm

I’m so impressed that he’s sharing that with you. You must have a great relationship.
I think you did okay.
You can also tell him that bh he’s healthy and he should save these feelings for his future wife IYH.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Apr 16 2024, 4:31 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Thanks! That he already knows because we spoke about it when we read the Harry Potter books 😊[I]

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Apr 16 2024, 4:32 pm

amother Snowdrop wrote:

Don’t have much to add, but that is adorable

Yes, he's very cute!

amother

Stone

Tue, Apr 16 2024, 4:33 pm

Maybe he doesn’t quite understand what attracted or in love means. Sounds like he read a lot and is trying to fit it into his life. Maybe he’s more intrigued by them.

amother

Broom

Tue, Apr 16 2024, 4:44 pm

Be thankful it’s girls.

amother

Smokey

Tue, Apr 16 2024, 6:35 pm

Your answer was great

I’ve spoken to my nine year old who says he sees cute girls and wants to marry them.

I’ve told him about how it’s normal and healthy and every healthy man feels this. My husband has spoken to him about marriage and intimacy on his age level and how to place his feelings.

I’d recommend the book From Boys to Men. It gave us clarity

amother

Beige

Tue, Apr 16 2024, 9:45 pm

amother Stone wrote:

Maybe he doesn’t quite understand what attracted or in love means. Sounds like he read a lot and is trying to fit it into his life. Maybe he’s more intrigued by them.

When I was about 11 I was trying to tell my mom that my friend had a crush on/ loved a counsellor from a camp that I went to, but I used the phrase "made love".
I remember my mom tactfully explaining to me that I probably don't mean exactly what I said, and that term means something else. embarrassed

amother

Pearl

Tue, Apr 16 2024, 9:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

Tell him it's the changes in his own body that are opening his eyes to the females around him and making him suddenly notice attraction.
Dh took a trip to Israel for his bar mitzvah and during the trip he thought wow the girls in Israel are so pretty. And then he came back to America and realized that it wasn't Israel, it was just new to him that he was suddenly noticing the other gender, in America too. It was puberty.
He was very sheltered and chassidish and he didn't really have anyone to discuss this with.
It's good that he's talking to you. Explain it to him in simple terms that this is not what love is. This is just males noticing females and one day he will have real attraction, and he will really truly fall in love.

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