Spoiled generation?

amother

↑ Ivory ↓

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 7:36 pm

tryinghard wrote:

Out of curiosity when was the last time you bought sneakers? I am very stingy, particularly for myself, but can’t find anything that cheap anymore.

Skechers at Kohls when they are on sale/coupons which is very often.

amother

↑ Ivory ↓

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 7:40 pm

amother Emerald wrote:

I would feel the same- way too expensive for a teen.

But do standard clothing stores like nordstrom and dillards not have a variety of items at different price points? We have to be able to just say no. The dress existing in a frum store shouldn't be reason enough to buy it. (Though I do think people use frum store stock as what their standard should be)

Don't walk into stores like that. I bought a new outfit for my daughter's wedding recently and it cost less than that.

amother

Peony

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 7:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm not even so old, but a generation younger than me is just wow. Obviously it's very individual, but the way things have become "the norm" is just mind boggling.
I'm talking about tons of cleaning help, nurse for two weeks after giving birth, wedding dresser, traveling several times a year, throwing extravagant parties for their toddlers, upscale restaurants very often...

If people can afford these things, and they are already giving appropriate amounts of tzedakah, why can't they have these things if they want? How is it spoiled?
I mean, if people are spending like this when they can't afford it and getting into debt over it, that's stupid, not spoiled.
But for those who can pay for it, what should they do? Just sit on the money?

amother

↑ Ivory

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 7:44 pm

UQT wrote:

It was not a higher end store that’s where my problem was. And the teens don’t understand why $319 for a shabbos dress is outrageous. That’s what I’m trying to bring out. I think it’s super materialistic. And we’re doing no favors to the younger generation by having mainstream stores sells shirts for $288 (button down blouse mind you) and regular dresses for over $300.
It has nothing to do with being able to afford it- it’s the principal of it.

"The" teens don't understand? My kids (who were teens not that long ago) wouldn't dream of asking for something that cost more than $100. (Actually, less than that.) What are you spending on your own clothes? If you spend that much, they will think they can too.

amother

↑ Amaranthus ↓

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 8:12 pm

amother Ivory wrote:

Agree.
Who are you referring to "the teens" who don't understand? My teen DDs definitely understand that 319 is way too high for a dress. Though honestly I can't recall ever seeing such a price for a dress. But if they did by mistake try it on and only noticed the price after, I can 100% guarantee both of my DDs would in one second say "OMG that's insane!", laugh, and send the dress back.
If your teens can't understand that they can't get what they want, there is a problem that you need to deal with.

amother

Bellflower ↓

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 9:06 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

I need to deal with this problem all day, every day. Any solution? I'm a live well under my means gal, but peer pressure is through the roof. And no, we don't have other options for schooling.

giftedmom ↓

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 9:19 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

I need to deal with this problem all day, every day. Any solution? I'm a live well under my means gal, but peer pressure is through the roof. And no, we don't have other options for schooling.

Idk I deal with it too but I lead by example. My kids absorb the message that we don’t live for others. I’m blessed that I truly don’t. I do allow for a certain amount of keeping up with the friends but I do it through Ali and sales. They know when I say something is too expensive that’s final.

amother

↑ Bellflower

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 9:24 pm

giftedmom wrote:

problem is my definition of too expensive and my teens are not the same. And unfortunately my example leads to more tears than impactful lessons.

↑ giftedmom ↓

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 9:28 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

problem is my definition of too expensive and my teens are not the same. And unfortunately my example leads to more tears than impactful lessons.

You do have to be realistic. They can’t be total pariahs but they also don’t have to be in the top tier. There’s always a range even in schools with pressure. As long as you know you’re doing your part I wouldn’t worry about the tears.

amother

↑ Amaranthus

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 9:58 pm

amother Bellflower wrote:

problem is my definition of too expensive and my teens are not the same. And unfortunately my example leads to more tears than impactful lessons.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Truth is their surroundings plays a huge role and if you don't have other options for schooling it is what it is. BH I have options here and I chose a school where I felt my girls wouldn't have much peer pressure. It's definitely there. But there are all types and my DDs are not the type to gravitate to the showy, cool crowd

amother

Coffee

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 10:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don't see that the previous generation managed very well by being martyrs. It came at the expense of mental and emotional health. Don't forget who raised this generation you ridicule.

↑ GLUE

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 4:05 am

amother Ivory wrote:

Believe it or not, there are some OOT communities that have no increase in gashmius from the last generation to this one. (I've been living in the same one for over 50 years and see no difference.)

What town is that?

amother

Candycane

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 5:11 am

amother Coffee wrote:

I don't see that the previous generation managed very well by being martyrs. It came at the expense of mental and emotional health. Don't forget who raised this generation you ridicule.

Oh please. This generation's mental health is so much better than the previous generation's?

I guarantee you that a $5000 vacation is not 5x better than a $1000 vacation. You can have a very nice time in a local park for free Smile

.

And a $300 a plate dinner is not 10x better than a $30 a plate dinner, and is not going to do anything major to your mental health.

Full time cleaning help is not SO much better for your mental health than five hours a week (unless you have five kids under five and work full time, which let's face it, most of us don't).

Here in the US the economy's been really really good the last couple of years, especially for those on programs and people who own their own businesses. Unfortunately the tide has turned now, and the easy money of yesteryear seems to be a thing of the past.

How much more prudent would we, as a community have been, if we had put away some of these riches for the "seven lean years" (which hopefully will not happen, but likely will...). How will everyone's mental health be when there's no money for basics? Very shortsighted, IMO.

↑ giftedmom

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 6:43 am

amother Candycane wrote:

I was with you until the cleaning help. It absolutely makes a huge difference to your mental health regardless of your employment or amount of kids.
Also, we as a community do better when we spend those riches within the community, and thereby keep the economy alive.

amother

Black

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 6:57 am

amother Amaranthus wrote:

Setting boundaries is dealing with it. There is such a thing as saying no and being realistic with what you can afford.

This is another thing with this generation - you can't have lower standards than anyone else. It's nuts!