What is the average?

amother ↓

Thu, Aug 14 2008, 8:56 am

What is the average gift amount for a Bar Mitzvah in non religious Long Island circles? I have no idea how much or what to give. Thank you.

[Amother to preserve my screennames anonimity from making too much trouble on other topics]

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Aug 14 2008, 8:58 am

Good luck with this thread. There have been others like it and some venom was spewed.

I'd think in non-frum LI the gifts are high - maybe $150 - $180 for an evening affair??

BeershevaBubby ↓

Thu, Aug 14 2008, 11:19 am

Depends on your 'six degrees of separation' and how involved you are in his life.

Like... if you're his aunt and you can afford it, $180 sounds reasonable.

If you're his mother's/father's coworker, $36 or $54 is fine.

You can get him a becher. You can get him a book on famous Jewish ______ (whatever - athletes, entertainers, politicians, general famous Jewish people). There are also the Rabbi Natan Slifkin books...

Lady Godiva ↓

Thu, Aug 14 2008, 11:21 am

I think $100 is fine for a friend's son's Bar Mitzvah. Relatives usually give more, up to $1000 depending on the relation to the Bar Mitzvah boy.

brooklyn

Thu, Aug 14 2008, 11:27 am

Sorry Yesha but I think you are a little out of the loop. Those might be fine gifts in frum or chasidish circles but not for non religious Long Island. These days 180 is more on the lower to average circles. Mant people give in the 250 dollar range these days.

Besiyata Dishmaya

Thu, Aug 14 2008, 11:44 am

It also depends if you will be joining them in the meal or just coming to say mazel tov. If you feel you have to give them a gift even if you don't eat there, a sefer or a set of seforim is good enough. But if you and your husband eats there, perhaps a more expensive sefer/seforim or a kiddush kos would be ideal.

alpidarkomama ↓

Fri, Aug 22 2008, 4:17 am

YESHASettler wrote:

I give what I can afford. The OP didn't state how much she can afford.

AMEN!!!! Hooray! Yes! That's certainly how we figure it out. And if someone thinks we're cheap. Well, we may be cheap but our credit cards total $0!

Tamiri

Fri, Aug 22 2008, 7:12 am

Offhand, based on living in NJ but leaving 5 years ago I would say that a minimum of $75 if you want to look not cheap. $100, as mentioned is probably more standard by now.
A great gift is LL Bean luggage. If you have their card, you get free shipping and free monogram. If you can get something on sale on their website - it will look as if you spend more and it's a GREAT gift!

queen

Fri, Aug 22 2008, 11:09 am

Lady Godiva wrote:

I think $100 is fine for a friend's son's Bar Mitzvah. Relatives usually give more, up to $1000 depending on the relation to the Bar Mitzvah boy.

Can I be related to you? Twisted Evil

Mimisinger

Fri, Aug 22 2008, 11:21 am

I think $180 I s a generous gift for a barmitzvah. But you can take several things into account. A) it's a co-worker, not family, but you also have to think about if you're really good friends or just co-workers. B) It's a day time affair in a house, you're not paying for the location or the major catering, dj, etc.

$180 is generous for an event, etc. like this
$100-$150 is fine
$250 is over the top, imo

Tehilla

Fri, Aug 22 2008, 11:27 am

kerith wrote:

YESHASettler wrote:

I give what I can afford. The OP didn't state how much she can afford.

AMEN!!!! Hooray! Yes! That's certainly how we figure it out. And if someone thinks we're cheap. Well, we may be cheap but our credit cards total $0!

social expectations are silly. give what you can afford, with a smile and a bracha. if you are really sensitive, stick in a little note about how you wish you could give more.

no use living beyond your means. it's hard enough these days already. if you can sacrifice somewhere else on your monthly expenses without a real problem, good--add that on to the gift. otherwise, be proud of who you are and don't live in a world that doesn't exist (cause the bills will still find you here!).

↑ Lady Godiva

Fri, Aug 22 2008, 11:57 am

greenfire wrote:

I always thought a gift was something you give from your heart and monetary abilities NOT mandatory money amounts ...

That's how it should be but unfortunately in some circles there's a lot of pressure to keep up with others' monetary abilities. For example if my son got $1000 from a somebody, I'd feel funny giving their son a significant amount less than what they gave my son...

↑ greenfire

Fri, Aug 22 2008, 12:43 pm

Lady Godiva wrote:

greenfire wrote:

I always thought a gift was something you give from your heart and monetary abilities NOT mandatory money amounts ...

so you gonna sell your wedding rings to give them the same present ?!?!?! shock

imagine if you bought somebody um anything like a kid a toy car or a friend a picture frame ... do you really think they should buy you the same toy car or picture frame - I should hope not ... I think it's the same - life should not be a tit for tat it should be real - whatever monetary level you are on ...

I don't give gifts nowadays - I cannot afford it but my heart is full - should I skip a simcha because of that ...

↑ alpidarkomama

Fri, Aug 22 2008, 1:05 pm

For kid birthdays I usually put together some art supplies and I rarely spend more than $10. For friends' birthdays I usually put together a little basket of homemade goodies - bread, bagesl, jam, muffins, yogurt. That might cost me $3 + $1-2 for a basket (Good Will) and it's hugely appreciated!

Re. giving $1K because someone else did, I just wouldn't do it. They give what they want to and can (or sometimes think they can or think they should), and we give what is in our budget. We tend to spend around $50 on wedding and bar/bat mitzvah gifts. This is what we can afford wtihout going into debt to do it.