S/O midwinter - needing permission from school

amother

Eggshell

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 5:26 pm

I live in Lakewood. I think the pressure was getting out of control. When families were taking their kids to exotic locations, they looked away. Then came the year that one high school had a grandfather take his granddaughter and around12-15 friends to an all expense paid trip to Arizona. Can you imagine what the rest of the class felt like.
Another school had a group of 10 fathers and daughters rent a house together. That was not so appropriate either. It became a pressure for groups of girls to fly together instead of family time.
That’s when schools started putting their foot down.
Some don’t allow flying away. Some say only family goes together.
Is it overreach, probably. But when vacation becomes anti the chinuch and home you presented when you sent to that school. I guess they feel they have a right to put down rules.

amother

Forestgreen ↓

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 5:26 pm

amother Catmint wrote:

Also we can never go to my family for yomim tovim or Shabbos. Should we just never see them? My family lives 5 hour flight away.

That doesn't make sense. I found that if I called with a request to travel for yom tov the school was accommodating as long as I only pull out one of two days early.

amother

Bluebell

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 5:27 pm

amother Orange wrote:

I don't think people here are talking about 1 day a year, I don't think schools make such issue with that.
And kids have summer vacation, bein Hazmanim.... it's not as if they never have off.

People are definitely referring to being given a hard time about mssing just 1 day a year-at least for boy's mesivtas (I don't think elementary schools are as strict)

amother

↑ Orange ↓

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 5:30 pm

amother OP wrote:

Wow that really sounds like overreach. Don’t have kids in school yet but now I’m getting worried. I am one of my parents’ two children, my sibling doesn’t plan on having kids (at least as of now), and my folks live across the country. I’ve heard some schools make rules about not going to specific states like Florida, California, etc. There’s no way I would agree to never take my kids to visit my parents because the school decided that they don’t allow that, or they they don’t allow a day off occasionally (I’m talking 1-3 times a year if at all). I wonder if the rules were made on the assumption that for most students, grandparents and extended family members are nearby enough that no one would have to take longer than a couple hours to get to or from where they live. To get to my parents it’s an entire day’s worth of travel, and then an entire day’s worth of travel back.

I understand the schools having rules like don’t miss more than x days per semester, or guidelines for making up missed work, but beyond that seems a little ridiculous.

If a school doesn't allow students to go to Florida, it's generally with the exception of visiting grandparents that live there.

amother

↑ Lightyellow

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 5:32 pm

amother Bluebell wrote:

People are definitely referring to being given a hard time about mssing just 1 day a year-at least for boy's mesivtas (I don't think elementary schools are as strict)

I was talking about elementary school

And all those people discussing unexcused affecting your grade, that’s not what is being discussed here
We’re discussing potentially being kicked out of school and losing your good relationship with the school

amother

Magnolia ↓

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 5:33 pm

amother Orange wrote:

If a school doesn't allow students to go to Florida, it's generally with the exception of visiting grandparents that live there.

That always seemed so unfair to me. So a family that does not have relatives in Florida should never be able to go?

And very often the "visiting grandparents" is just an excuse to have a grand vacation in Florida.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 5:34 pm

amother Coral wrote:

I think it's an overreach.

My brother's school does not allow them to miss a single day beyond the Thursday-Tuesday vacation. My family wanted to visit my grandmother in Israel. He is not allowed to go because it's unrealistic to go there for 4 days plus travel days.

That is so sad.

amother

↑ Catmint ↓

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 5:34 pm

amother Forestgreen wrote:

That doesn't make sense. I found that if I called with a request to travel for yom tov the school was accommodating as long as I only pull out one of two days early.

I’m saying my family isn’t frum that’s why I can’t go for YT. So I’d still like to see them but can’t if school doesn’t allow off

amother

↑ Forestgreen

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 5:35 pm

amother Coral wrote:

What are the consequences if he does go? I'm not telling anyone what to do but if a compromise can't be reached between the school and family, sometimes it's worth it to take them anyway if you feel it's important and risk the consequences.

amother

PlumPink

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 5:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

I was able to get permission for my boys to leave school so we could go visit my grandmother and other non religious relatives out of state for a few days . This was 10 years ago though .I remember the menahel telling me that family time is important. I wonder if the schools are exerting more control now.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 5:38 pm

amother Eggshell wrote:

OK I definitely hear the concerns about way over the top trips with large groups, and the 10 daughters and fathers staying in a house together is just weird. I can understand the schools having rules about that (I think the rules shouldn’t be needed, but whatever). But overreacting to that by making rules not letting kids take off 1 day a couple times a year for family time (when their siblings are off) seems like it would undermine the connection kids should have with their families.

Edited to add: halevai moshiach should come now and death won’t exist anymore, but until then - the grandparents or other relatives aren’t going to be around indefinitely. I wouldn’t want a school to decide when my child was or was not allowed to visit my parents.

amother

↑ Coral ↓

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 5:39 pm

amother Forestgreen wrote:

I think they are bad. Something like suspension or worse. Maybe a 0 on midterms? Not something my parents would be willing to do...

My parents are the type to be very reasonable and weigh the risk.

↑ mha3484 ↓

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 5:41 pm

From my personal opinion as a BT for many years, this is why I live OOT where the schools are used to this and midwinter is 5 school days, and everyone is on the same schedule. Some years they send an email discussing your choice of vacation plans (this year actually they skipped that) but over all its less micromanaging. If you are reasonable the schools are reasonable back. I have taken my boys out on the afternoon of thanksgiving/ July 4th etc and no one cared.

I think there is a greater realization here that we all have different family situations and for many midwinter is a more ideal time for seeing grandparents then chol ha moed or summer. We also dont have bar mitzvah rules because for many of us the standard will leave our boys with a party of no one.

amother

↑ Orange

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 5:43 pm

amother Catmint wrote:

I’m saying my family isn’t frum that’s why I can’t go for YT. So I’d still like to see them but can’t if school doesn’t allow off

Most schools make exceptions for visiting family.
Maybe they expect you to go during summer vacation?

amother

Chocolate

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 5:52 pm

amother Stoneblue wrote:

They are talking about 1 day but it’s a day that if they didn’t make a big deal about they would have significantly less students since its either connected to midwinter or they don’t have midwinter but it’s when the local girls have off and everyone wants their boys home ‘just one day.’ They won’t usually make a big deal of a random day off at other times during the year.

This. A day adjacent to vacation days if they're nit strict about it half the students would be out, & it's not in line with the school's chinuch policy to give lots of time off. On a random day I doubt they'd care much if a student misses a day.

amother

Daffodil ↓

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 5:52 pm

I could understand families wanting freedom to do family trips but when highschool girls do vacations together and other girls are left out thats when the school could step in. Personally I dreaded midwinter as a teen. I was not invited to the cliquey trips and my family did not do anything. I sat at home depressed