is it wrong to let 8 yr olds swim by themselves?

mama-star ↓

Sun, Aug 17 2008, 9:21 pm

my 8 yr old dd went on a play date to visit a friend. when she came home she told me they went swimming, something that was not mentioned to me before the play date. I asked her if the mommy sat outside with them and watched them swim, and she told me no, they went swimming all by themselves. shock

I do not have a pool but my mother does, and I can't imagine ever letting a couple of 8 yr olds swim by themselves. I am just wondering though, am I mistaken or being over-protective? maybe this is a common thing for people with pools to let 8 yr olds swim alone? like, is 8 an accepted age for that?

also, how do I let the mother know that I am not comfortable with that? like if they have another play date, how do I tactfully mention it to the mother? because as I said, when they went I wasn't told the first time, so I feel like I have to mention something if they have another playdate.

TIA

Dandelion1

Sun, Aug 17 2008, 9:24 pm

I think you are 100% right.

ChavieK ↓

Sun, Aug 17 2008, 9:32 pm

I would call the mother & tell her what dd said. Not accusingly or angry. If it is true simply tell her that you don't allow your child to swim without an adult &/or lifeguard watching the whole time. Btw, as you can tell I totaly agree with you. I don't like any 2 kids, of any age, who are playing in a pool to be alone.I guess if my 14 yr old were swimming with a friend who was already a lifeguard, I might allow them to be alone.

mumoo ↓

Sun, Aug 17 2008, 9:36 pm

why don't you do the mother and all the other children who might ever go there a favor and call her now. Thank her for having your daughter over and that she told you she went swimming but wasn't supervised.

If this is acknowledged by the mother, you can let her know that you, as well as most parents don't let your daughter swim unsupervised so she should probably let parents know if swimming is in the plan.

By her response, you will be able to tell if you even want your daughter to have another play date there.

Starhavah ↓

Sun, Aug 17 2008, 10:00 pm

ChavieK wrote:

I am a lifeguard. If your child is in swim lessons she should be at least a level 4 swimmer (American Red Cross system) or a Fish (YMCA system) to swim with only one other child. There are several other factors to consider. Was this pool in the backyard/on the other girls property or did they travel to the pool? If they traveled to the pool, then this was completely unacceptable for anyone who was not a teenager (females only). Risk taking males should swim with supervision until age 25 (no I am not being sexist or silly, there is a legitimate reason for this).

Is there a diving board or slide in the pool, both raise the probabilty for injury at the pool.

Was it an inground pool or an above ground? If it was above ground, was the deepest area of the pool lower than the girls' chest (a line drawn from one armpit to the other armpit should be above the water in the deepest area of the pool)? In ground pools always have a deepend rendering them an unsafe place for unsupervised children. If the water in any part of the pool was deeper than this line they are not old enough to swim alone under any circumstances. If they are level 4 swimmers and no part of the pool is deeper than their chest they are possibly (not defineatly) ok for the two to swim together without close adult supervision. Was the mother (or some other resonsible adult) in the house watching them from a window and easily reachable in an emergency? Are the girls generally risk takers? If so they need to be under adult supervision at all times. If they are generally quiet girls who are good rule followers, I might let them swim with less supervision.

It was totally wrong for a parent to allow your child to swim (even in a pool at their house) without your knowledge. They are opening themselves up to a huge liability there if the unthinkable happens.

Bottom line: age 8 is the when most pools are just willing to allow a child to swim unaccompanied by an adult when there is a lifeguard present. This is too young to swim without a lifeguard or responsible adult.

Most pools with lifeguards require chldren to be 7-9 to swim without a parent's supervision. That is with a lifeguard. Without a lifeguard, they should need to be even older.

I do not belive that 8 year olds are responsible enough to be in a pool alone together.

And to harp once more on my old line: No one should ever swim alone! Ever! I am a lifeguard and I make sure someone is watching when I swim. Even if that person is DH who swims worse than our 8 year old. Never, never swim alone.

Star Havah

↑ ChavieK

Sun, Aug 17 2008, 10:09 pm

Level 4 is ok to swim with only one other? Wow!! That still seems too risky for my taste. My 14 year old that I mentioned is a girl & not a risk taker. But I am still shocked at how cavalier some people are about their kids swimming unsupervised.

↑ Starhavah

Mon, Aug 18 2008, 7:15 am

ChavieK wrote:

I am sorry maybe I was not clear. A level four swimmer is ok to swim with one other child if there is no part of the pool that is above the imaginary line drawn between their armpits, an adult is not necessarily watching but is easily available in the event of an emergency (for instance it is a backyard pool and mom is watching from the kitchen window while she washes dishes, that sort of thing), the children swimming are not risk takers, are preferably female and and are generally considered responsible.

But that is just my list. Other people have other lists.

I allow DD to swim if DH is watching (when we went to FL they were alone at my parents house some of the time). DD is a level four swimmer, DH is a lower level four swimmer than DD. I trust DD not to do anything stupid and her swimming skills are pretty good. DH is capable of dialing 911 in an emergency. He however is not capable of saving someone in a pool if he has to swim to the other end to do it. DD also knows more about lifesaving skills than DH does. Like how to do a reaching assist or throwing assist in the pool to save someone.

But I would not allow DD and another 8 year old to swim alone. DD is very short for her age and even thought she can swim 2 laps (4 lengths, 100 yards/meters) in a normal size pool, she can easily be swept off her feet by current and she doesn't have the physical strength to save someone if it requires her to be in the pool to do so.

Oh another thing parents should be aware of, never let your children have breath holding contests in the pool. There have been cases of people holding their breath only to pass out while under water. They never surface and their friends think that they are holding their breath and it is too late to do anything when people realize what is going on.

Star Havah

BTW, the reason for them being female, is that the number one risk factor for spinal injury is not diving boards or anything you would expect but being male and between the ages of 18 and 25.

Of course, that is because they are far more likely to jump off a one story house into a swimming pool or do some other similarly "brilliant" idea.

Havah

Motek

Tue, Aug 19 2008, 8:26 am

Quote:

August 10th 2004

FRIENDS AND RELATIVES asked God to help them cope yesterday after two young Brooklyn sisters drowned on a family vacation over the weekend.

Shterna Esther Shmueli, 12, and Chaya Mushkah Shmueli, 14, were the youngest of seven children from a well-regarded family in the Hasidic Jewish community in Crown Heights.

"Right now there is a void, and the only one who can put this place back is G-d," said Rabbi Sholom Baras, the girls' uncle. "G-d is in everything."

One of the girls' older brothers found them at 11 p.m. Saturday in a swimming pool at a Lubavitch center in Henrico County, Va., authorities said.

Rescuers could not revive the girls, who were buried Sunday in Queens.

No one witnessed the girls' deaths, but police believe it was a tragic accident and are not considering any charges, said Henrico County Police Sgt. Carl Mueller.

"They were not known to be very good swimmers," Mueller said. "With only the two of them in the pool, it would just be speculation of what might have happened."

Ima'la

Tue, Aug 19 2008, 8:53 am

I don't mean to be naive, but before jumping to conclusions, do you know how big this family's pool is? Is it possible that it is a kiddie/wading pool? When my 7 & 5 yr. olds are in our kiddie pool, which holds about 1 - 1.5 ft. of water, I just peek every now and then - I don't supervise continuously.

I don't mean you should ignore the issue - just realize that the mother may actually have been acting responsibly before you call up indignantly.

cassandra

Tue, Aug 19 2008, 8:56 am

You're definitely NOT being overprotective.

GAMZu ↓

Tue, Aug 19 2008, 9:15 am

Yes, I also wanted to ask what is meant by "pool" and "swimming."

manhattanmom

Wed, Aug 20 2008, 8:47 am

GAMZu wrote:

Yes, I also wanted to ask what is meant by "pool" and "swimming."

I don't think the difference really matters--being in a pool area is just as dangerous and two eight year olds should not be playing "near a pool" unsupervised.

Nomad

Wed, Aug 20 2008, 9:19 am

wow - that is dangerous.

they need to be supervised. you are not being overprotective

madys

Wed, Aug 20 2008, 11:13 am

One time my daughter went on a play date (she was 8) and when she came home she told me they went walking a neighbor's dog, and were crossing streets by themselves, she knew she shouldn't have crossed by herself, but if she didn't then she would have been left alone on a street corner!!!! So she followed her friend.

That night, I called the mother and just told her that in order for my child to be over their house for play dates, I need to be assured that there is supervision. She totally agreed with me, and also doesn't let her daughter cross streets, and was unaware of the whole thing (well, if you were watching, you would have duh!!)

Our daughters are still friends.

You need to make sure your children are safe, and if that means you need to make an unfomfortable phone call, so be it.

Tehilla ↓

Wed, Aug 20 2008, 11:17 am

I would definitely not consider you overprotective. I'm an excellent swimmer, and have been swimming since I was a very young child--and still almost went under twice. both times were in the supervised vicinity of adults as well.

when it comes to swimming you must be extra extra careful, please! I rescued my younger brother from drowning at least five times all with my parents standing right next to me! they panicked and I was the only one who reacted.

greenfire

Wed, Aug 20 2008, 11:23 am

I was gonna mention the shmueli sisters my friends neices ... and say NO NO NO never let them swim alone ... you cannot be too cautious ...

and what about the florida girl last year ...

ask the mother now what the exact situation was as I would not allow my chiild to play at the risk of drowning !!!

OldYoung

Wed, Aug 20 2008, 11:51 am

Op, what kind of pool was this?

Raisin

Wed, Aug 20 2008, 11:57 am

I'm not normally an overprotective mother, but you can't be too careful around water. Having said that - don't let it stop you from teaching your kids to swim.

↑ Tehilla

Wed, Aug 20 2008, 12:02 pm

Raisin wrote:

I'm not normally an overprotective mother, but you can't be too careful around water. Having said that - don't let it stop you from teaching your kids to swim.

you ABSOLUTELY should make sure your kids know how to swim!

shopaholic

Wed, Aug 20 2008, 1:12 pm

That's exactly why DS - 8yrs old is going for his 1st official swimming lesson tonight!